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Description
Okay...
This is what all the others do.
I'm at the pub, the Three Oaks in town they keep talking about.
Push on the big heavy old door... And in I go.
Why do pubs have big heavy doors like that?
It's not as if they're trying to keep anyone out of there...
Except maybe people who are banned... but still, why so heavy?

Jeepers creepers, it's loud in here.
There's a speaker blaring some dreadful music really really loud.
As if it's of absolute importance that everybody in a five mile radius hears it.
And there's so many people, talking and talking and talking...
So many it's kind of frightening.
The talking makes the loudness even worse.
So loud I can't hear my own voice when I talk.
I say something and it's just completely lost amidst what everyone else is saying.
I could be reciting Shakespeare from memory and nobody would hear, it's so loud.

I can't stand this crowd...
Is this what being a sardine is like?
Maybe if you replaced the tasty tomato sauce with cheap beer and vodka.
I can't even find a seat.
People are even sitting on things that don't even remotely resemble seats.
Oh wait, there's one... Oh, it's gone.
Ooh, one over there... But that's right next to loads of other people.
Can't sit there, they'll think I'm pushing in.
Can't ask if it's free either, they'll probably think the same thing.
I guess I'll stand around for a bit.

What exactly do people do in bars?
Well... They drink. But I don't drink alcohol.
What am I doing here then?
Could have a fruit juice... That's cheaper anyway.
Alroght, I'll walk over to the bar, try to walk past some people...
Bump, Oops, sorry. Bump, Oops, sorry. Bump, Oops, sorry.
Phew... Right, there's the bar...

Wait a minute. What's going on?
Where's the queue?
People are all just crowding around.
The barman's going in all different directions, taking random people's orders...
How do I know when it's my turn?
I could try just standing around, raising my finger every so often...
But then people might get annoyed at me for cutting in.
I can't see any gaps either. Just gaggles of people all vying for space.
Ah well. No drink for me then.

I suppose I'll try and talk to some people, like everybody else is.
But who can I talk to?
I don't know any of these people.
If I talked to any of them they'd think me some sort of creepy weirdo.
Maybe the boys over there...
No, not them.
They're all too muscular and scary.
And probably brimming with testosterone.
They're probably talking about football.
And how many ladies they've picked up that week.

I wonder if there's any lonely people over there...
I'll stand over here next to this girl. Maybe she'll talk to me.
She's moved. I'll follow her...
And again, I'll keep on going, get a bit closer...
Subtly try to get her attention...
Try again..
Drat! She's going away.
Must've been too overt. I creeped her out.
Great flipping going.

Wait a minute.
Is that person talking to me?
They are! Success!
Answer a few questions.
No names yet.
Bit of a conversation going here, it's going well!
Oh wait no. They've gone away to talk to someone else.
I must've been too boring for them.
Didn't even get their name.
Typical me. Not interesting enough for anybody.

I guess I'll go home then.
Well, that was an experience.
I went in there expecting it to be different, came out with nothing at all.
Again.
You know, it just occurred to me
Just how lonely I am...

Description
Okay...
This is what all the others do.
I'm at the pub, the Three Oaks in town they keep talking about.
Push on the big heavy old door... And in I go.
Why do pubs have big heavy doors like that?
It's not as if they're trying to keep anyone out of there...
Except maybe people who are banned... but still, why so heavy?

Jeepers creepers, it's loud in here.
There's a speaker blaring some dreadful music really really loud.
As if it's of absolute importance that everybody in a five mile radius hears it.
And there's so many people, talking and talking and talking...
So many it's kind of frightening.
The talking makes the loudness even worse.
So loud I can't hear my own voice when I talk.
I say something and it's just completely lost amidst what everyone else is saying.
I could be reciting Shakespeare from memory and nobody would hear, it's so loud.

I can't stand this crowd...
Is this what being a sardine is like?
Maybe if you replaced the tasty tomato sauce with cheap beer and vodka.
I can't even find a seat.
People are even sitting on things that don't even remotely resemble seats.
Oh wait, there's one... Oh, it's gone.
Ooh, one over there... But that's right next to loads of other people.
Can't sit there, they'll think I'm pushing in.
Can't ask if it's free either, they'll probably think the same thing.
I guess I'll stand around for a bit.

What exactly do people do in bars?
Well... They drink. But I don't drink alcohol.
What am I doing here then?
Could have a fruit juice... That's cheaper anyway.
Alroght, I'll walk over to the bar, try to walk past some people...
Bump, Oops, sorry. Bump, Oops, sorry. Bump, Oops, sorry.
Phew... Right, there's the bar...

Wait a minute. What's going on?
Where's the queue?
People are all just crowding around.
The barman's going in all different directions, taking random people's orders...
How do I know when it's my turn?
I could try just standing around, raising my finger every so often...
But then people might get annoyed at me for cutting in.
I can't see any gaps either. Just gaggles of people all vying for space.
Ah well. No drink for me then.

I suppose I'll try and talk to some people, like everybody else is.
But who can I talk to?
I don't know any of these people.
If I talked to any of them they'd think me some sort of creepy weirdo.
Maybe the boys over there...
No, not them.
They're all too muscular and scary.
And probably brimming with testosterone.
They're probably talking about football.
And how many ladies they've picked up that week.

I wonder if there's any lonely people over there...
I'll stand over here next to this girl. Maybe she'll talk to me.
She's moved. I'll follow her...
And again, I'll keep on going, get a bit closer...
Subtly try to get her attention...
Try again..
Drat! She's going away.
Must've been too overt. I creeped her out.
Great flipping going.

Wait a minute.
Is that person talking to me?
They are! Success!
Answer a few questions.
No names yet.
Bit of a conversation going here, it's going well!
Oh wait no. They've gone away to talk to someone else.
I must've been too boring for them.
Didn't even get their name.
Typical me. Not interesting enough for anybody.

I guess I'll go home then.
Well, that was an experience.
I went in there expecting it to be different, came out with nothing at all.
Again.
You know, it just occurred to me
Just how lonely I am...