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Published: 2008-08-09 03:39:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 769; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Description Chapter 1- The Bloody Empress

In the midst of a war, a flower bloomed overnight.  And behold within its soft petals a dainty child is formed.  A big, dried, black tree hangs it branches over the flower as if protecting it from the war.  
A shrilling sound of a blast breaks the momentary silence.  The child’s eye opened slowly, her hands reaching towards the small light allowed by the white, blood spotted petals.

Small hands creep in between the spaces of the flower.  The child emerges and waddles  as she walks out of the flower.  Another blast was heard from behind the tree.  The child slowly turns to see the light.  Corpses and bones lie before her, and the place was tinged with odor of rotting bodies.

“Lookie, lookie here, isn’t this cute, a child in the middle of warzone”.   Said a man with a big sword. He was wearing a black metal laden leather uniform.  His sword is soaked in blood and his eyes are as red and as big as almond.  His pale hand reaches the child’s chin. “Come with us, we will show you what it is like to be alive”.   

The man took the girl to a rundown house.

“Where did you get the girl captain?”
“I saw her in the Warfield.   I don’t know who she is really, but I feel something inside her.  I want her to see the witch.  Maybe she can tell me who she is.  Casius, I want you to take care of her for me for a while”
“Yes, captain”.

Casius took another look at the small girl.
Casius said. “Where are you from, little girl? Do you have any parents we can contact?”
The child was silent.
“Guess you are too shy.. You look like you are two years old? Come I will make you some clothes, I will make you a very pretty girl”.

Meanwhile at the war field.

“Hmm a  little flower, guess she came out of it.  And she smells like it too”, says the captain to himself.
Then suddenly a very dark shadow passed by in front of him.  The captain quickly pull out and his sword and made a fighting stance.
“Where are you?!!  Show yourself, you freeki.. Ughhh”.
The man bend down on his knees and a figure stood in front of him.
“Huh! Another child … who are you boy?” says the captain as he breathe heavily.
“I am Zelchiar”, said the boy, “I am looking for my flower.
You have the scent of my flower, you have touched her”.

“Finders keepers boy”. And the captain slashed a powerful ultrasonic wave.  The boy swiftly dodge the blast and was able to punch the captain on his nose.  The captain’s nose was broken but he regained his stance instantaneously.  He saw the boy’s lightning speed ability, he was running towards the broken down house.  He was completely astonished by this. Never has he seen such speed at a young age.
The captain ran after him as best as he could.  He could only thought of his squad and the little girl.

“Why is he after the girl, are they related? Why on earth we have children running around the Warfield.
Zelchiar… Zelchiar… I have heard it before... but where...”  
I need to warn my men.

At the rundown house.
“Yes, captain, we understand.”, Calsius said as he was talking with his captain thru a reciever.
“Men”, shouted Calsius, “Defense position, Observe surrounding for a boy, he responds to the name of Zelchiar”.
“Aye!!” shouted the men
“Come with me little girl, whatever happens don’t let go, okay”
The girl didn’t respond.

“Calsius, the men are down, aarrghhh!!!”

Calsius saw the boy in front of him.
Zalchiar said, “You have awaken, and so beautiful, come with me and you will be my queen. I will share with you everything I have, just stay beside me. I have been waiting for you for a long time now.”, said the boy with such delight.

The child’s eye widens and reached her tiny hand toward the boy.  As the boy reaches for her, Calsius quickly swings his sword in between them. Calsius chanted, and was teleport back to a port.

At the port, a few hours after the incident.

A witch was examining the child thru touching her forehead.  
“She is of the flower, she is still pure and untainted.  Her mind is still asleep.”
“She can be of good to us you know, she will bear powerful children, children to become soldiers.”

“Of the flower?” ask a man with a long beard. Clothed with a silver gown, glistening with gold designs.

“Hard to believe, one is born in our time, great minister, she is destined to become another celestial queen.”

“Guess, you are right, witch, she might be the one, what the greet sear of the Mountain Bridge fore told us.   A child will be born in the midst of the war and this child will conquer everything with fire and blood.”

“Indeed, but still we couldn’t  just sit idle, we should put her to sleep, until we are certain she can be trusted and make her side with us.”.

“Now about this boy Zalchiar, he is undoubtly of the shadow family. But how can of the shadow be able to defeat a whole squad?  Do you think the boy is seeking revenge over the massacre of his whole clan? Surely a boy of his age is helpless against the assassins we’ve  sent to the shadow village.  But how did he survived?  We should capture this boy and execute him immediately!”

“Yes, my minister.”

As the witch walks out of the room with the delegated duty, the minister sat in the room facing the window.  
The minster ponders.
“ Zalchiar, who saved you? I know you will come to destroy all of us as what we did with your clan.  But no matter ,even if you’re the gifted child of your clan, you will not win against us.  I shall destroy you with my own hands.  You will not get your hands on our celestial queen. I will make sure she will hate you. AH AHAHAHAHAHA !”

Outside the port.

Witch, “ Go and annihilate the boy, Zalchiar. beware he is gifted child of his clan”.
A woman with silky long red hair reaching her buttocks bends down as she receives the duty.  She wore a black coat with black rubies as adornments.  She hides her claws inside.

“ Yes witch, rest assured, I will do as you bid.”

The woman disappeared behind the shadows.

Chapter 2 – The shadow boy

The boy was holding a half eaten apple, his name is Zalchiar.  Zalchiar hides well behind the shadows.  As he eats his apple, he tries to suppress his tears as he reminisces the faint memory of his parents.

“ Zal, wake up, you need to practice”
“ Oh mom, give me 5 minutes more”.
“Zal come on, I will give you a spanking if you don’t get up in 3 seconds”.
Since Zalchiar is afraid of spanking, he quickly stand up and went to the bathroom.
As Zalchiar was urinating, “Oh man father will give me another whack with his sword.  Why can’t I just be ordinary like my brothers”
As the boy walk out of the bathroom with his eyes closed, a loud THUD was heard across the room.  The boy hit his head on the wall and is now on floor.

Outside the village of shadows.

Princess Chimena was waiting patiently for her child, Zalchiar.
She recollects on how the village receive her child with a huge jubilation.  A gifted was born only during the rarest occasions that is once every 1000 years and it must be on the night of Caton.  It is the night when the shadows can separate from the body.  This is a secret unknown to all outsiders.

Swooshhhh !!
Princess Chimena’s eye widened as she her son’s shadows passed by.  She quickly use her incantation and was able to catch a young shadow.  She quickly went back to her son’s room and saw Zalchiar sleeping  near the bathroom.

THWACK !!!
“ Ouuchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!! MY BUTT !!!”

“ Didn’t I tell you to wake up?  Why are you still sleeping.  Here is your shadow and put him under control”.
Zalchiar was dumbfounded. He never thought that his shadow could leave him even it is not the day of Caton.  
He quickly grabbed his shadow and it blended with him.  The shadow is now casted on the ground.
“Zalchiar, listen to me, always keep your powers a secret. It is the reason why we survived this long.
Always keep your powers in check. Always keep your senses sharp.”
Zalchiar can only nod for he is way too young the understand the importance of his mother’s advice.

The two of them walked in the forest until they reached an open area.  Zalchiar saw his father with a sword.
“You are late Zalchiar, so I will make this day twice as harder than before”.
Zalchiar frowned  upon hearing.
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Comments: 8

MissPenelopeLane [2011-04-18 04:29:40 +0000 UTC]

This is a fairly interesting idea. The biggest thing I see is that you need to be careful about mixing past and present tense. On the battle field you use present tense, it's unusual, but some people write things differently. As soon as you get back to the house you switch to past tense, it's more common to use, and I prefer it. Either way, you need to work on picking one and sticking with it.

Perhaps add a bit more description to this whole thing, and be careful not to switch points of view too often, it gets confusing to the reader.

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emeraulde In reply to MissPenelopeLane [2011-04-18 05:06:58 +0000 UTC]

thanks...
that was so good a critique/
thanks

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MissPenelopeLane In reply to emeraulde [2011-04-18 05:10:49 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

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emeraulde [2009-07-09 11:46:21 +0000 UTC]

thank you

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ilovetosaylol In reply to emeraulde [2009-07-10 05:00:24 +0000 UTC]

Thats ok!

(what exactly did I do??)

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2sai4 [2009-01-13 05:55:44 +0000 UTC]

i actually like it, i would like if i could, with your permission, to edit some things and see if you like it.

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emeraulde In reply to 2sai4 [2009-01-13 06:12:16 +0000 UTC]

sure !!! be my guess !

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rhythmicStars [2008-12-07 01:49:45 +0000 UTC]

I do believe you have an interesting story going on here ... you just need to proof read it and polish it some more. D:


Otherwise, I like it so far ... just that it could be better.

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