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Enide-Dear — ShinRa Texts
Published: 2016-03-05 10:12:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 1586; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 0
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Barett: So you and Cid are going on a gay date, huh? Who will pay for it?Vincent: You
Barett: What?
Barett: Did you just steal my wallet, you damn ex- Turk?!
Lucretia: Why do you always wear such revealing clothes?
Scarlett: Because I love them
Lucretia: I am pretty sure the men thinks it is for them.
Scarlett: Honey, the day I dress up for a man is the day they dress me in a coffin to see Jesus.
Cissney: I hate th sterotype that women would faint t the sight of blood. i mean what do you Think we do once a month?
Elena: Shut up, they weren’t supposed to know about the wearwolf thing!
Rufus: Half the day I wonder if it is too late for coffee and the other half I wonder if it is too early for alcohol.
Elena: The worse part of getting older is that my boobs keeps getting lower on my chest.
Scarlett: Honey, thats just natures way of making more room for diamonds.
From: Cid
To: Avalanche
Cid: My laptops fucked
Tifa: Did they use a condom?
Cloud: Who was the laptop and who was the lapbottom?
Yuffie: is laptopping a new kind of sex position where you just kind of sit on your partners lap until they get uncomfrtably warm?
Cid: I swear to gods I’m gonna punch all of ya kids one of these Days!
Reno: If we get to have sex with our valentines on Valentine’s Day, then I can’t wait for President Day
Cissney: sometimes I wish my life was more like a Disney movie.
Reno: well you ate spagetthi in an alley once, so there is that
Elena: how can you not like dolphins? ! They are adorable and so intelligent!
Reno: fucking animals cant live on land and cant breath in water, what is so fucking intelligent about that?!
Zack: How about this one guys? You can be super attractive BUT there are no condoms, ever.
Elena: *nearby lesbian laughter*
Sephiroth: *muffled asexual snickering*
Genesis: *conflicted pansexual noises*
Cloud: *moderately panicked bisexual muttering*
Rufus: I might be my own worst enemy, but there are literally hundreds of people tied for second place.
Reno: Hey, my Olympic condoms arrived today! Think I will wear gold toninght, who is interested?
Elena: maybe if you wore silver and finished second for a change.
Reno: What idiot called it “leaving right after sex” and not “nuts and bolts”?
Reno: i like my pants like I like my weekends. High and wasted
Vincent: I want you all to know that I am suffering in silence
Cid: Hey handsome, what state do ya live in?
Vincent: Constant anxiety
Tifa: how are you? Still got the flue?
Yuffie: Yeah. I feel awful.
Yuffie: I feel like I’m gonna die.
Yuffie: so I need you to bring me cake
Tifa: Cake?
Yuffie: I refuse to die without cake being at least partly to blame
Elena: So Scarlett, how come you never married?
Scarlett: Honey, I don’t buy the whole pig just because I’m in the mood for sausage.
Cissney: Did you know a pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes?
Elena: So would mine if I had sex with something essensially made out of bacon.
Angeal: Imagine being naked in a room full of strangers but they are all really friendly and happy to see you and like to touch you? That’s the life of a dog.
Zack: Yep, pretty much!
Angeal: Puppy!
Hojo: If you bit it and you die – it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die – it’s venomous.
Zack: What if it bites me and it dies?
Hojo: That means you are poisonous, Zack Fair, learn to read.
Zack: What if it bites itself and I die?
Cissney: That’s voodoo.
Zack: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Tseng: That’s correlation, not causation
Zack: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?
Reno: That’s kinky
Cloud: Oh my gods, you people!
Tseng: Sleep is a weak substitute for coffee.
Elena: my pants model says ‘relaxed straight’ but honestly i feel more like a stressed bisexual.
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Comments: 16
Wonderfully silly! Now I have a picture in my head of 19th century ladies fainting in the privy one week a month, and their maids coming in to clean them up, lace up their bloomers and wake them up with smelling salts.
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It must be a chore having to faint for a whole week!
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Cid needs to learn the importance of '
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Yep! 
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The Lapbottom had me snort my tea out of my nose. XD I love it and will have to remember it for future references!
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The importance of the ' in the English laungage can't be stressed enough
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The first one is a total win! And IC too! So is Cloud with his moderately panicked bisexual muttering.
Scarlett must be a big fan of Zsa Zsa Gabor (just like me ^^)
... I changed my opinion about this when I read she's against marriage.
Reno was too optimistic when he'd ordered any condoms. XD
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Cloud is pretty much Always moderately panicked bisexual muttering when you Think about it XD
Scarlett can be all kinds of awesome! i do love divas
I'm sure Reno gets around.....jsut not with Elena.
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Hey, I dreamed of him! Why can't I choose who I dream about?
Nothing interesting though. He was sitting on a modern white/grey corridor with Elena, on separate sofas. Reno looked unhappy. Elena got up and left.
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OMG!!! I was having such a bad week! This was just what I needed! Thank you so much! *laughing hysterically*
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I'm so glad my silliness made you feel better 
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