HOME | DD

Description
Woe be upon ye!! The EntryLvlBread Encounter is absolutely here to stay! The next one isn't gonna take a whole month to publish I swear. But in the meantime, please relax with this Twisted Pair of ASFR works. Remember, one of them was written with no Al at all, while the other one was written entirely with Al. It should be obvious which one is which, but that's besides the point! I hope you appreciate what's going on here as much as I do. You should've seen how the last encounter went.

Pitch, Please (ASFR A)For the sorry souls whose budgets prohibit them from grabbing gadgets and gizmos like ASFR-inducing cameras or rubberizing sludge, fear not! For the world’s leading app stores have long been infested head to toe with some of the most obscenely power-crept ASFR tech humanly imaginable. And that’s to say nothing of the kinds of unthinkable downloads that only an Al could possibly conceive… But of course, building a reality-warping, permanent-transforming, infinite-range app is one thing. Getting the word out to the General Public is another! So today, I invite you to be a Fly on the Wall in the office of one of the world’s leading producers of no-good ASFR-ware…FAT CAT: Please PITCHMAN, you gotta help us! All our shareholders are banking on FreezFrame for some reason. I’ll have Hell to Pay if this thing doesn’t hit the top charts on its opening week.PITCHMAN: Sounds like you’re in a real bind. Very well, lay it on me. Tell me more about this “FreezFrame” of yours.FC: Well, uh… So you know the clock item in Zelda?PM: In Zelda 1, you mean.FC: Yeah, that one. In Zelda 1, there’s this clock thing that shows up sometimes, and when you run into it, it stops every enemy on the screen for a few seconds. You know.PM: Uh-huh.FC: Yeah. So imagine that, but in real life, and you’re popping it on a single person. For any time between one second… and one day. PM: Huh… And you’re saying this is a finished product. You just need me to market it. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?FC: Yeah, about that. In our last shareholder meeting, we were talking about how well our “BarbieYou” app went with its record opening week of, like, 5000 downloads or so, and one of our interns off-handedly mentioned something about the motor-function-inhibiting tech in select versions of the iPhone 6 and later models. PM: iPhone 6, huh? This must be some seriously cutting-edge tech. Geez louise…FC: Right? Anyway, I guess the shareholders were having some kind of Shared Episode, since faster than you could say “To The Moon,” these guys just started dragging us around by our shirt collars and chokeslamming us and howling till their throats went sore. They just wanted one thing. Make the FreezFrame app, and make it a smash hit, or they’ll have my face for their next big tax write-off, “Batgirl Movie Style.” In their own words.PM: The Techbro’s Ultimatum, then. May God help us all.FC: So I got the boys in R&D to cook something up, and after looking at a bunch of free coding tutorials and copying stuff from GitHub, we got it ready for shipping after about 2 weeks. But we still have no clue how to convince people to download or use it, and the shareholders aren’t helping much. “ISN’T IT OBVIOUS??” doesn’t really work as a value proposition, you see. So that’s where you come in.PM: Hmph. This is… quite the situation you’ve put yourself in. Most conventional advertising techniques will prove difficult to apply here, as your app’s key feature set reminds me all too much of those old late-2000s “pouring soda out of the iPhone” scam videos. FC: Please, man. You gotta think of something…PM: … But there is one thing I could try. Above all else, this is a “see it to believe it” experience, so we’re gonna have to go “All In” on the ground game. Show me your finest scooter, and I’ll see what I can do.~~~FREE SAMPLES GUY: Good afternoon, sir! Wanna try a- hey, what’s with the phone? Agh-!With a tricky technique, PITCHMAN curls the poor frozen free samples guy into a little ball, then tucks him underneath the sample table, obscured by the table cloth. He also takes this chance to toss most of the little cheese pieces under there as well. For the finishing touch, he pulls off the dude’s name tag and fastens it onto his shirt. The trap has been set. Here at Costco Wholesale, these people are in for a whole lot of trouble!HAPLESS LADY: Excuse me sir, weren’t you giving out cheese earlier? PM: What can I say? Looks like I’m fresh out of cheese. The fans love it.HL: Huh… And didn’t you not have so much hair earlier?PM: Oh? Oh, yeah. Got a haircut. They let you do that at Costco. Get a haircut, I mean.HL considered how a haircut could take you from a buzzcut to a full-fledged mullet, but figured there were greater mysteries afoot. Such as those darn Gas PricesHL: Well, what are you still doing here if you’re not handing out cheese?PM: Easy. While I may be fresh out of cheese, I still have plenty of Freeze, you see.HL: Freeze?PM: Tell me. Have you ever wanted to take a break from the Hubbub of your Day to Day? To enjoy the cheese and- the peace and calm of the moment, perchance?HL: Uh, I guess?PM: Or perhaps you have a loved one who can use some time to themselves. Who’d do well to Hit Pause for a while, and just ride out the rest of the day as a work of art, frozen in time.HL: Um… okay? Is this some kind of massage service or something?PM: Oh, it’s better than a massage. Here, see for yourself! Welcome to ten seconds in paradise…PM cues up the FreezFrame for ten seconds, then fires it on the poor lady.HL: Ulp-!Ten seconds later…HL: Gah, what was that?! Did I have a stroke or something? I… I think I need a doctor. PM: Relax, relax, there’s no need. You’re perfectly fine. That, my dear, was the work of the FreezFrame app. With just a few taps, you can stop anyone dead in their tracks for as short as one second to as long as a day. HL: Oh gosh… That was really scary. I- Someone could get hurt with that. I don’t think I like that at all…PM: That’s too bad. I haven’t even gone over the Best Part.HL: The best part?PM: Of course. FreezFrame is not only out now, but is available on any and all devices on par with the iPhone 6. It’s a free download!HL: So you mean to say that any ill-meaning ignoramus can get their hands on this and stun me for up to a full day at a time, as soon as they see me, to do as they please with my defenseless person?PM: Yes, exactamundoHL: And as their hapless victim, I have zero Counterplay to this whatsoever, other than perhaps spending the rest of my days cooped up in some bunker? Like a cave mushroom.PM: Precisely. But you might wanna hold out on the bunker idea. You see, the No-Clip feature is on the Roadmap, so they’ll be able to nail you through the walls in due time. Technology is amazing, isn’t it? … Hey, where’re you going? Miss?He hammers on the 1-minute quick option impatiently.PM: … Aw, shucks. She’s out of range. Well, guess I’d better set up shop somewhere else. Cheese guy should be back any second now.He scurries off as the sample table behind him jumps around like a loose washing machine and topples over. The cheese guy will continue to be entangled in this unforgiving Cyclone of tablecloth and cheese samples for the next twenty minutes.~~~PM: Harrumph… I must’ve scared that poor lady out of her wits at Costco. Perhaps a more… voluntary approach is in order.We now find the PITCHMAN at Crampis Plaza, where undergraduate students from all walks of life go to either rub the funny gnome statue, go to the library, go to the food court, or, most importantly for him, sell goods and services. His table is decked out with a pristine white poster board with “FREE FREEZE” written with flair in gold Sharpie. After a few minutes, some art-major-looking girl shows up. She knows all the webcomics.PM: Hey there! Good afternoon. How’re you doing today?UNASSUMING STUDENT: Good, good, how are you?PM: Good. Listen. You wanna try a free freeze?US: What do you mean?PM: It’s this new app, you see. It’s called FreezFrame. It lets you freeze anyone nearby, yourself included, for as long as you like. It’s relaxing.US: Freeze Frame?PM: FreezFrame. The e is silent.US: Uh… does that work?PM: Does it work? You tell me! Here, I’ll let you try it on me. See if I move an inch when you pull it on me. US: Uh, sure. Is it on your phone?PM: Yeah. Here, look. One minute duration. You just hit that button right there and- Ouh-!US just kinda looked at PITCHMAN funny for the next minute or so. Sure enough, he did not move an inch. It was a perfect stun.PM: Whoa, whoa! I’m back. Pretty intense, right? US: Hmm… Does it have targeted ads?PM: Well, it is a free download, so there are a few ads, admittedly, but… no, no I don’t think there’s targeted ads.US: Drat.PM: I understand if that’s a dealbreaker for you, but the folks at R&D have told me that they have targeted ads on their Radar. US: Huh…She’s passively paddling through the various freeze options. Self freeze, 24-hour, seven minutes… huh? Strobe mode? What would that even entail? Who let that through requirements analysis?PM: And it should be up right now for all iOS and Android devices. So in theory, you can download it right away and freeze to your heart’s content! How does that sound?US: Sounds pretty good, but…PM: But what?US: What’s stopping me from just doing… this?PM: Do what? … Oip-!~~~Dang, it’s nearly pitch black already! Time flies when you’re flipped upside-down and propped up against the concrete wall on your head like a confused monk. But PITCHMAN should be loosening up any second now…PM: Ough!! Gah, it’s frigid tonight! And- Oooogh… My head… ow! Ow!He spends the next six minutes splayed across the pavement like a sad pile of spaghetti as he endures the brunt of an especially brutal headache. That kid snatched his wallet, his keys, and his scooter! But she did leave a quick thank-you note…PM: “App sux”? App sucks!? … You know what? Yeah. App sucks. Ow…… *RING RING!!*Perhaps as more of a Taunt than anything else, PITCHMAN still has his phone. After all, how else is he going to peddle this pestilent Product????: PITCHMAN?PM: Fat Cat? Is that you?JOE: Fat Cat’s not here. You’re talking with Joe now.PM: And you are… ?JOE: Should be obvious enough. PITCHMAN, do me a favor and look up the Metrics for FreezFrame. The Metrics.PM: Okay?JOE: Now, PITCHMAN. Look up the Metrics. Daily installs.PM: Okay, geez. … Uh…JOE: You see that? You see that flat freaking line, PITCHMAN?PM: … Yeah?JOE: Looks like someone’s boy scout routine isn’t quite going as planned, now is it?PM: Listen, man, I think the customers are right about this for once. FreezFrame just doesn’t have anything to offer to their Day-to-Day Lifestyle. Or at least, nothing that won’t lead to the freest robbery or assault opportunities of all time. How do you expect the well-meaning general public to install something that is almost exclusively good for criminal activity of the worst degree?JOE: GRR… You really are a nitwit, aren’t you, PITCHMAN. Of course FreezFrame isn’t for the general public. It should’ve been crystal clear who your target demographic is from the Get Go. Haven’t you read the meeting minutes? Or are you that illiterate on a daily basis?Hmm… He definitely received a copy of that from Fat Cat. Only problem is that, well… it’s a bit hard to put into words, so here’s an excerpt.~~~[Grunting and tussling noises, someone’s getting slammed into a wall by two stronger characters]SHAREHOLDER 1: … Say they display me on one of those stupid 360-degree spinning platforms alongside amazing collector's items that always sell out instantly because people are so enamored by my stunning physique and modeling expertise. With this comes the concept that I have a purpose even without the ability to move or talk or make any sound economic decisions. There’s also the isolation aspect of it, you know, and…SHAREHOLDER 2: … i think that app like that can help more girl like me todiscover, realize and accept their real propose in life: to become a perfect lifeless ASFR girl freeze statue feeling the ultimate pleasure and paying the highest price for that!Apps like yours helped me understand my propose in life. Initially i was unsure and scared, but then I understand my doom…FC: Heeeeelp!!! Steve, help! They’re gonna strangle me!! Steeeeve!STEVE: Wow, just wow. All I can say is, more please. [Loud cracking noise as FC gets powerbombed through the conference table, which splinters into a dozen crappy pieces]~~~ PM: Would you believe me if I told you I read that twice over and found not a single coherent selling point in the entire 30-page file?JOE: … You know what, PITCHMAN? I think I’ve been sabotaged. I think that cowardly Fat Cat chose you, specifically, because you’re the only salesman on Earth to see absolutely zero value in a fine product like FreezFrame. Zero use cases. PM: Well, in all fairness, there’s only so much you can do to pitch a “please rob or kill me immediately button-”JOE: Enough, PITCHMAN. I don’t like being scammed. You wanna know what I do when I’ve been scammed? I’ll show you. I’ll show you face to face. I have your coordinates, PITCHMAN. I’m coming. And I’m alive, and I’m human, and I’m-*CLICK!* PITCHMAN can make out some blaring sirens in the distance. He punches in 911.???: Nice try, bozo!PM: Eep! Joe?!JOE: That’s right, PITCHMAN. I’m not just one of FreezFrame’s gazillion shareholders. I’m also the police. As in, the entire concept of police. Go on, call the army or something. Chances are good that I’ll be the army as well. And while you’re at it, call James Bond 007. Call Pizza Hut. Cry out to God, for that matter. Because I’ll be all of those things. I’ll shake your martini. I’ll hand-deliver you a stuffed crust pizza. And I will become God. Anything to ensure that you get the retribution you so sorely deserve. The sirens are getting louder. A police car is barreling down the street, on the wrong side of the road. The engine is howling! PM: You know what? You want a use case? I’ll show you a use case!Quick, there’s no time! PITCHMAN fires up FreezFrame… slides on the experimental no-clip feature for good measure… just fifteen seconds will do…JOE: Nn~The cop car bumps harshly against the curb before veering off to the side. No attempt is made to steer or decelerate. It has a relatively straight path, for now, at least. But the engine just won’t stop howling… Before you know it, the sirens fade away into a chorus of frightened car horns and screeching tires.But there’s one more call PITCHMAN’s got to make.PM: … Hey, it’s PITCHMAN. Can you do me a quick favor? … Yes, I’d like you to delete FreezFrame from the app store. Take it down ASAP. … Oh, you don’t need to worry about Joe. Had a bit of an altercation with him earlier, to be honest, but I think he’s done complaining for the time being. He’ll let it slide, trust me. … Thanks man. And while you’re here, could you send me a cab back to HQ? Some kid snatched my scooter.~~~FC: PITCHMAN, I am at a loss for words. Not only did you render FreezFrame as unappealing and ignominious as physically possible, guaranteeing an unprecedented opening week of absolutely zero installs, but you’ve scammed those insipid investors into pulling out and sparing my life in the process.PM: Huh? I thought I just got Joe. There’s way more than just Joe, right?FC: Well, it would seem that once they caught wind of what happened to him, they wanted a Piece of the Pie, in true shareholder fashion. Here, take a look. It’s all over the local news. He pulls up a quick Yahoo News headline on his phone. Chaos Reigns as Oodles of “Mannequin Motorists” Continue to Spawn on Interstate at Increasing Rate: “They keep coming back”; “The noise is tremendous”; “5 inches of slime on the highway”FC: So yeah, I don’t think they’ll be missing FreezFrame anytime soon. Excellent work, PITCHMAN! Bravo!PM: Oh, don’t mention it.FC: Here, I’d like you to have this. Used to belong to my son, but… it’s a bit of a long story. It’s not much, but I think you’d do well to have it.PITCHMAN got… a perfectly normal 1/7-scale figurine of “Going to the Beach” Eli Ayase. It’s made of plastic. And it was manufactured in a factory, where they make figurines like this one.FC: For some reason, just looking at her gives me a keen eye for who’s a good boy or not. It’s usually the former, but you get the idea.PM: Thanks a lot… (I don’t get paid enough for this, do I?) Pitch, Please (ASFR B)The autumn breeze rustled through the campus trees, carrying with it the scent of fallen leaves and the promise of a new semester. I strolled across the vibrant college grounds, soaking in the sights and sounds of student life. As I approached the central square, a peculiar commotion caught my attention.A charismatic salesman stood at a booth, enthusiastically beckoning students over to witness a demonstration of a revolutionary new phone app. Intrigued, I edged closer, eager to learn more about the latest technology."Hello there! Would you like to experience something truly extraordinary?" The salesman grinned, holding up his smartphone like a magician revealing a secret.I nodded, my curiosity piqued. "Sure, why not?"He launched the app and aimed the phone at me. A moment later, an invisible force seized my body. I felt a peculiar tingling sensation, and before I could react, my limbs stiffened, and my entire body became immobile. I stood frozen in place, a living statue on the bustling college campus.The salesman chuckled, delighted with the reactions of the crowd gathering around. "Ladies and gentlemen, behold the power of the FreezeFrame app! Our friend here is now a living masterpiece, captured in time."My mind raced with a mix of panic and amazement. I tried to move, but my body refused to respond. I couldn't even speak. It was as if time had suspended, leaving me in a surreal state of temporary paralysis.As the crowd marveled at the peculiar sight, the salesman gestured toward me. "Notice the serene expression on our volunteer's face. She's experiencing a moment of absolute tranquility. FreezeFrame allows you to pause life for a while and appreciate the world around you."Indeed, my face had settled into a calm, almost meditative expression. My gaze fixated on a distant point, and my body stood in a relaxed pose, as if frozen mid-step. Surprisingly, the sensation of immobility was oddly soothing. It felt like a momentary escape from the demands of the hectic college routine.The salesman continued his pitch, explaining the app's various features while I remained frozen in the center of attention. I became acutely aware of the texture of my clothing against my skin, the cool breeze gently tousling my hair, and the ambient sounds of the campus that had transformed into a distant murmur.Despite my initial apprehension, I found myself embracing the experience. The involuntary stillness granted me a unique perspective on the world around me. I became an observer, detached from the usual stresses of life.Eventually, the salesman tapped a button on his phone, releasing me from the app's grip. My limbs gradually regained their mobility, and I blinked, readjusting to the dynamic surroundings."Thank you for being a part of our demonstration!" the salesman declared, handing me a pamphlet with a charming smile.As I walked away from the booth, I couldn't shake off the strange mix of wonder and relaxation that lingered within me. The FreezeFrame app had turned an ordinary day on campus into a surreal interlude, reminding me of the beauty in pausing for a moment and appreciating the world around us.

This one was inspired by those MMD videos on Twitter where some random girl character does an MMD dance while she slowly turns into a statue or a "figure" or whatever from the feet up. And I use the term "figure" here pretty loosely because that usually just amounts to the OP adding a really shiny texture over her and leaving it at that. But there is one guy who really does try to get a plastic-looking effect in MMD, so there's that.

Anyway, what happened here was that I first tried haggling the Al to get plastic anime figures dancing onstage, and it worked extremely well. So well, in fact, that I figured I could switch it to an inflatable prompt without much issue. Sure enough, it worked!

So that brings me to today's special offer. Are you interested in me uploading "Shown Up (Plastic Figure TF?)"? It'll be like this one, but it's a plastic figure TF, and it's going to be worded differently. Thanks to my previous run-in with the Al, I have plenty of great candidates for pics of onstage plastic idols for use in the caption, and I can easily squeeze some more caption text out of the Al as well. Alternatively I can hunt for non-Al images of anime figures of real idol characters, but as you've seen, the Al's wicked ways allow me to put them in never-before-seen poses or settings. Visit the poll below to once again decide my fate on this matter. I trust you all to make the right choice

www.deviantart.com/entrylvlbre…

Also, don't forget, my normal offer's still good! When is it not, really? Send me a note if you want in on exclusive bonus pics and/or info on how to generate photo-realistic, HD, real balloonbabes yourself! It's as legit as it gets, and it's 100% free. All the treasures of Al can be yours my liege

--- READ UP SUCKAS ---

Emi: Thank you for joining me tonight! Are you ready for a performance you won't forget?

[Emi begins her dance routine. Soon, she feels a subtle warmth spreading through her body, starting from her fingertips. The audience can't see it yet, but her fingers are already slowly puffing up, losing their defined edges and getting all soft and squishy. She glances at her hands.]

Emi: (Hmm, that's strange. Is it the adrenaline? I've never felt so... light.)

[Emi's hands begin to tingle, and she notices they're becoming smoother, shinier. Imagine touching a balloon, that's exactly how it feels – smooth, rubbery, and slightly cool.]

Emi: (My hands feel so… perfect, almost like they're not mine. Is this part of the performance? It's distracting, but in a strangely pleasant way.)

[Emi tries to focus on the choreography, but the sensation intensifies as Emi's entire arms gradually turn into inflatable forms. The once-defined curves of her biceps and forearms gave way to a more rounded, air-filled shape.]

Emi: (Wait, what's happening to my arms? It's like I'm becoming weightless. It feels like my arms are floating. And what's this squeaky sound? Is it in the music?)

[Undeterred, Emi keeps dancing, her movements becoming more fluid, her body adjusting to the inflatable transformation. She can feel the pressure building, but it's not uncomfortable at all. Her waist and hips slowly become plump and rounded like balloons filled with helium.]

Emi: (I can do this. It's just a part of the show. Keep dancing, Emi.)

[The sensation moves down to Emi's legs, and she notices her tights becoming glossy and inflatable, matching the texture of her arms. She starts to bounce slightly off the stage with each step. Each movement sends a delightful ripple through her air-filled legs.]

Emi: (My legs feel so buoyant. It's like dancing on air. And these tights... they're like balloons too. And my shoes, too. Listen to that squeak. Is that me?)

[Emi's dress follows suit, transforming into a shiny, inflatable material that enhances the rhythmic sways of her body.]

Emi: (My dress is changing too! It's like it's filling with air. It's so shiny and squishy now. It's like I'm turning into a life-sized inflatable version of myself. Is this what the audience expected?)

[As Emi twirls, her hair melds into a single, inflatable piece.]

Emi: (My hair! It's one big, bouncy balloon. And it's so... delightful. I can feel it bobbing as I move.)

[The transformation reaches Emi's face, her features gradually becoming painted on, giving her a surreal, animated appearance.]

Emi: (Okay, now I'm starting to look like a living cartoon. But look at that shine! It's like I've stepped into a dream. This is incredible!)

[Emi completes the dance routine, the transformation now complete. She stands on stage, fully inflatable, light, and squeaky.]

Emi: (giggling) Thank you everyone! That was... something else. I can still move and speak, but everything feels so... different. Who knew being an inflatable idol could be so much fun? Let's create more memories together!

[Emi winks, her rubber body creaking softly as she exits the stage, leaving the audience in awe and wonder.]

Description
Woe be upon ye!! The EntryLvlBread Encounter is absolutely here to stay! The next one isn't gonna take a whole month to publish I swear. But in the meantime, please relax with this Twisted Pair of ASFR works. Remember, one of them was written with no Al at all, while the other one was written entirely with Al. It should be obvious which one is which, but that's besides the point! I hope you appreciate what's going on here as much as I do. You should've seen how the last encounter went.

Pitch, Please (ASFR A)For the sorry souls whose budgets prohibit them from grabbing gadgets and gizmos like ASFR-inducing cameras or rubberizing sludge, fear not! For the world’s leading app stores have long been infested head to toe with some of the most obscenely power-crept ASFR tech humanly imaginable. And that’s to say nothing of the kinds of unthinkable downloads that only an Al could possibly conceive… But of course, building a reality-warping, permanent-transforming, infinite-range app is one thing. Getting the word out to the General Public is another! So today, I invite you to be a Fly on the Wall in the office of one of the world’s leading producers of no-good ASFR-ware…FAT CAT: Please PITCHMAN, you gotta help us! All our shareholders are banking on FreezFrame for some reason. I’ll have Hell to Pay if this thing doesn’t hit the top charts on its opening week.PITCHMAN: Sounds like you’re in a real bind. Very well, lay it on me. Tell me more about this “FreezFrame” of yours.FC: Well, uh… So you know the clock item in Zelda?PM: In Zelda 1, you mean.FC: Yeah, that one. In Zelda 1, there’s this clock thing that shows up sometimes, and when you run into it, it stops every enemy on the screen for a few seconds. You know.PM: Uh-huh.FC: Yeah. So imagine that, but in real life, and you’re popping it on a single person. For any time between one second… and one day. PM: Huh… And you’re saying this is a finished product. You just need me to market it. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?FC: Yeah, about that. In our last shareholder meeting, we were talking about how well our “BarbieYou” app went with its record opening week of, like, 5000 downloads or so, and one of our interns off-handedly mentioned something about the motor-function-inhibiting tech in select versions of the iPhone 6 and later models. PM: iPhone 6, huh? This must be some seriously cutting-edge tech. Geez louise…FC: Right? Anyway, I guess the shareholders were having some kind of Shared Episode, since faster than you could say “To The Moon,” these guys just started dragging us around by our shirt collars and chokeslamming us and howling till their throats went sore. They just wanted one thing. Make the FreezFrame app, and make it a smash hit, or they’ll have my face for their next big tax write-off, “Batgirl Movie Style.” In their own words.PM: The Techbro’s Ultimatum, then. May God help us all.FC: So I got the boys in R&D to cook something up, and after looking at a bunch of free coding tutorials and copying stuff from GitHub, we got it ready for shipping after about 2 weeks. But we still have no clue how to convince people to download or use it, and the shareholders aren’t helping much. “ISN’T IT OBVIOUS??” doesn’t really work as a value proposition, you see. So that’s where you come in.PM: Hmph. This is… quite the situation you’ve put yourself in. Most conventional advertising techniques will prove difficult to apply here, as your app’s key feature set reminds me all too much of those old late-2000s “pouring soda out of the iPhone” scam videos. FC: Please, man. You gotta think of something…PM: … But there is one thing I could try. Above all else, this is a “see it to believe it” experience, so we’re gonna have to go “All In” on the ground game. Show me your finest scooter, and I’ll see what I can do.~~~FREE SAMPLES GUY: Good afternoon, sir! Wanna try a- hey, what’s with the phone? Agh-!With a tricky technique, PITCHMAN curls the poor frozen free samples guy into a little ball, then tucks him underneath the sample table, obscured by the table cloth. He also takes this chance to toss most of the little cheese pieces under there as well. For the finishing touch, he pulls off the dude’s name tag and fastens it onto his shirt. The trap has been set. Here at Costco Wholesale, these people are in for a whole lot of trouble!HAPLESS LADY: Excuse me sir, weren’t you giving out cheese earlier? PM: What can I say? Looks like I’m fresh out of cheese. The fans love it.HL: Huh… And didn’t you not have so much hair earlier?PM: Oh? Oh, yeah. Got a haircut. They let you do that at Costco. Get a haircut, I mean.HL considered how a haircut could take you from a buzzcut to a full-fledged mullet, but figured there were greater mysteries afoot. Such as those darn Gas PricesHL: Well, what are you still doing here if you’re not handing out cheese?PM: Easy. While I may be fresh out of cheese, I still have plenty of Freeze, you see.HL: Freeze?PM: Tell me. Have you ever wanted to take a break from the Hubbub of your Day to Day? To enjoy the cheese and- the peace and calm of the moment, perchance?HL: Uh, I guess?PM: Or perhaps you have a loved one who can use some time to themselves. Who’d do well to Hit Pause for a while, and just ride out the rest of the day as a work of art, frozen in time.HL: Um… okay? Is this some kind of massage service or something?PM: Oh, it’s better than a massage. Here, see for yourself! Welcome to ten seconds in paradise…PM cues up the FreezFrame for ten seconds, then fires it on the poor lady.HL: Ulp-!Ten seconds later…HL: Gah, what was that?! Did I have a stroke or something? I… I think I need a doctor. PM: Relax, relax, there’s no need. You’re perfectly fine. That, my dear, was the work of the FreezFrame app. With just a few taps, you can stop anyone dead in their tracks for as short as one second to as long as a day. HL: Oh gosh… That was really scary. I- Someone could get hurt with that. I don’t think I like that at all…PM: That’s too bad. I haven’t even gone over the Best Part.HL: The best part?PM: Of course. FreezFrame is not only out now, but is available on any and all devices on par with the iPhone 6. It’s a free download!HL: So you mean to say that any ill-meaning ignoramus can get their hands on this and stun me for up to a full day at a time, as soon as they see me, to do as they please with my defenseless person?PM: Yes, exactamundoHL: And as their hapless victim, I have zero Counterplay to this whatsoever, other than perhaps spending the rest of my days cooped up in some bunker? Like a cave mushroom.PM: Precisely. But you might wanna hold out on the bunker idea. You see, the No-Clip feature is on the Roadmap, so they’ll be able to nail you through the walls in due time. Technology is amazing, isn’t it? … Hey, where’re you going? Miss?He hammers on the 1-minute quick option impatiently.PM: … Aw, shucks. She’s out of range. Well, guess I’d better set up shop somewhere else. Cheese guy should be back any second now.He scurries off as the sample table behind him jumps around like a loose washing machine and topples over. The cheese guy will continue to be entangled in this unforgiving Cyclone of tablecloth and cheese samples for the next twenty minutes.~~~PM: Harrumph… I must’ve scared that poor lady out of her wits at Costco. Perhaps a more… voluntary approach is in order.We now find the PITCHMAN at Crampis Plaza, where undergraduate students from all walks of life go to either rub the funny gnome statue, go to the library, go to the food court, or, most importantly for him, sell goods and services. His table is decked out with a pristine white poster board with “FREE FREEZE” written with flair in gold Sharpie. After a few minutes, some art-major-looking girl shows up. She knows all the webcomics.PM: Hey there! Good afternoon. How’re you doing today?UNASSUMING STUDENT: Good, good, how are you?PM: Good. Listen. You wanna try a free freeze?US: What do you mean?PM: It’s this new app, you see. It’s called FreezFrame. It lets you freeze anyone nearby, yourself included, for as long as you like. It’s relaxing.US: Freeze Frame?PM: FreezFrame. The e is silent.US: Uh… does that work?PM: Does it work? You tell me! Here, I’ll let you try it on me. See if I move an inch when you pull it on me. US: Uh, sure. Is it on your phone?PM: Yeah. Here, look. One minute duration. You just hit that button right there and- Ouh-!US just kinda looked at PITCHMAN funny for the next minute or so. Sure enough, he did not move an inch. It was a perfect stun.PM: Whoa, whoa! I’m back. Pretty intense, right? US: Hmm… Does it have targeted ads?PM: Well, it is a free download, so there are a few ads, admittedly, but… no, no I don’t think there’s targeted ads.US: Drat.PM: I understand if that’s a dealbreaker for you, but the folks at R&D have told me that they have targeted ads on their Radar. US: Huh…She’s passively paddling through the various freeze options. Self freeze, 24-hour, seven minutes… huh? Strobe mode? What would that even entail? Who let that through requirements analysis?PM: And it should be up right now for all iOS and Android devices. So in theory, you can download it right away and freeze to your heart’s content! How does that sound?US: Sounds pretty good, but…PM: But what?US: What’s stopping me from just doing… this?PM: Do what? … Oip-!~~~Dang, it’s nearly pitch black already! Time flies when you’re flipped upside-down and propped up against the concrete wall on your head like a confused monk. But PITCHMAN should be loosening up any second now…PM: Ough!! Gah, it’s frigid tonight! And- Oooogh… My head… ow! Ow!He spends the next six minutes splayed across the pavement like a sad pile of spaghetti as he endures the brunt of an especially brutal headache. That kid snatched his wallet, his keys, and his scooter! But she did leave a quick thank-you note…PM: “App sux”? App sucks!? … You know what? Yeah. App sucks. Ow…… *RING RING!!*Perhaps as more of a Taunt than anything else, PITCHMAN still has his phone. After all, how else is he going to peddle this pestilent Product????: PITCHMAN?PM: Fat Cat? Is that you?JOE: Fat Cat’s not here. You’re talking with Joe now.PM: And you are… ?JOE: Should be obvious enough. PITCHMAN, do me a favor and look up the Metrics for FreezFrame. The Metrics.PM: Okay?JOE: Now, PITCHMAN. Look up the Metrics. Daily installs.PM: Okay, geez. … Uh…JOE: You see that? You see that flat freaking line, PITCHMAN?PM: … Yeah?JOE: Looks like someone’s boy scout routine isn’t quite going as planned, now is it?PM: Listen, man, I think the customers are right about this for once. FreezFrame just doesn’t have anything to offer to their Day-to-Day Lifestyle. Or at least, nothing that won’t lead to the freest robbery or assault opportunities of all time. How do you expect the well-meaning general public to install something that is almost exclusively good for criminal activity of the worst degree?JOE: GRR… You really are a nitwit, aren’t you, PITCHMAN. Of course FreezFrame isn’t for the general public. It should’ve been crystal clear who your target demographic is from the Get Go. Haven’t you read the meeting minutes? Or are you that illiterate on a daily basis?Hmm… He definitely received a copy of that from Fat Cat. Only problem is that, well… it’s a bit hard to put into words, so here’s an excerpt.~~~[Grunting and tussling noises, someone’s getting slammed into a wall by two stronger characters]SHAREHOLDER 1: … Say they display me on one of those stupid 360-degree spinning platforms alongside amazing collector's items that always sell out instantly because people are so enamored by my stunning physique and modeling expertise. With this comes the concept that I have a purpose even without the ability to move or talk or make any sound economic decisions. There’s also the isolation aspect of it, you know, and…SHAREHOLDER 2: … i think that app like that can help more girl like me todiscover, realize and accept their real propose in life: to become a perfect lifeless ASFR girl freeze statue feeling the ultimate pleasure and paying the highest price for that!Apps like yours helped me understand my propose in life. Initially i was unsure and scared, but then I understand my doom…FC: Heeeeelp!!! Steve, help! They’re gonna strangle me!! Steeeeve!STEVE: Wow, just wow. All I can say is, more please. [Loud cracking noise as FC gets powerbombed through the conference table, which splinters into a dozen crappy pieces]~~~ PM: Would you believe me if I told you I read that twice over and found not a single coherent selling point in the entire 30-page file?JOE: … You know what, PITCHMAN? I think I’ve been sabotaged. I think that cowardly Fat Cat chose you, specifically, because you’re the only salesman on Earth to see absolutely zero value in a fine product like FreezFrame. Zero use cases. PM: Well, in all fairness, there’s only so much you can do to pitch a “please rob or kill me immediately button-”JOE: Enough, PITCHMAN. I don’t like being scammed. You wanna know what I do when I’ve been scammed? I’ll show you. I’ll show you face to face. I have your coordinates, PITCHMAN. I’m coming. And I’m alive, and I’m human, and I’m-*CLICK!* PITCHMAN can make out some blaring sirens in the distance. He punches in 911.???: Nice try, bozo!PM: Eep! Joe?!JOE: That’s right, PITCHMAN. I’m not just one of FreezFrame’s gazillion shareholders. I’m also the police. As in, the entire concept of police. Go on, call the army or something. Chances are good that I’ll be the army as well. And while you’re at it, call James Bond 007. Call Pizza Hut. Cry out to God, for that matter. Because I’ll be all of those things. I’ll shake your martini. I’ll hand-deliver you a stuffed crust pizza. And I will become God. Anything to ensure that you get the retribution you so sorely deserve. The sirens are getting louder. A police car is barreling down the street, on the wrong side of the road. The engine is howling! PM: You know what? You want a use case? I’ll show you a use case!Quick, there’s no time! PITCHMAN fires up FreezFrame… slides on the experimental no-clip feature for good measure… just fifteen seconds will do…JOE: Nn~The cop car bumps harshly against the curb before veering off to the side. No attempt is made to steer or decelerate. It has a relatively straight path, for now, at least. But the engine just won’t stop howling… Before you know it, the sirens fade away into a chorus of frightened car horns and screeching tires.But there’s one more call PITCHMAN’s got to make.PM: … Hey, it’s PITCHMAN. Can you do me a quick favor? … Yes, I’d like you to delete FreezFrame from the app store. Take it down ASAP. … Oh, you don’t need to worry about Joe. Had a bit of an altercation with him earlier, to be honest, but I think he’s done complaining for the time being. He’ll let it slide, trust me. … Thanks man. And while you’re here, could you send me a cab back to HQ? Some kid snatched my scooter.~~~FC: PITCHMAN, I am at a loss for words. Not only did you render FreezFrame as unappealing and ignominious as physically possible, guaranteeing an unprecedented opening week of absolutely zero installs, but you’ve scammed those insipid investors into pulling out and sparing my life in the process.PM: Huh? I thought I just got Joe. There’s way more than just Joe, right?FC: Well, it would seem that once they caught wind of what happened to him, they wanted a Piece of the Pie, in true shareholder fashion. Here, take a look. It’s all over the local news. He pulls up a quick Yahoo News headline on his phone. Chaos Reigns as Oodles of “Mannequin Motorists” Continue to Spawn on Interstate at Increasing Rate: “They keep coming back”; “The noise is tremendous”; “5 inches of slime on the highway”FC: So yeah, I don’t think they’ll be missing FreezFrame anytime soon. Excellent work, PITCHMAN! Bravo!PM: Oh, don’t mention it.FC: Here, I’d like you to have this. Used to belong to my son, but… it’s a bit of a long story. It’s not much, but I think you’d do well to have it.PITCHMAN got… a perfectly normal 1/7-scale figurine of “Going to the Beach” Eli Ayase. It’s made of plastic. And it was manufactured in a factory, where they make figurines like this one.FC: For some reason, just looking at her gives me a keen eye for who’s a good boy or not. It’s usually the former, but you get the idea.PM: Thanks a lot… (I don’t get paid enough for this, do I?) Pitch, Please (ASFR B)The autumn breeze rustled through the campus trees, carrying with it the scent of fallen leaves and the promise of a new semester. I strolled across the vibrant college grounds, soaking in the sights and sounds of student life. As I approached the central square, a peculiar commotion caught my attention.A charismatic salesman stood at a booth, enthusiastically beckoning students over to witness a demonstration of a revolutionary new phone app. Intrigued, I edged closer, eager to learn more about the latest technology."Hello there! Would you like to experience something truly extraordinary?" The salesman grinned, holding up his smartphone like a magician revealing a secret.I nodded, my curiosity piqued. "Sure, why not?"He launched the app and aimed the phone at me. A moment later, an invisible force seized my body. I felt a peculiar tingling sensation, and before I could react, my limbs stiffened, and my entire body became immobile. I stood frozen in place, a living statue on the bustling college campus.The salesman chuckled, delighted with the reactions of the crowd gathering around. "Ladies and gentlemen, behold the power of the FreezeFrame app! Our friend here is now a living masterpiece, captured in time."My mind raced with a mix of panic and amazement. I tried to move, but my body refused to respond. I couldn't even speak. It was as if time had suspended, leaving me in a surreal state of temporary paralysis.As the crowd marveled at the peculiar sight, the salesman gestured toward me. "Notice the serene expression on our volunteer's face. She's experiencing a moment of absolute tranquility. FreezeFrame allows you to pause life for a while and appreciate the world around you."Indeed, my face had settled into a calm, almost meditative expression. My gaze fixated on a distant point, and my body stood in a relaxed pose, as if frozen mid-step. Surprisingly, the sensation of immobility was oddly soothing. It felt like a momentary escape from the demands of the hectic college routine.The salesman continued his pitch, explaining the app's various features while I remained frozen in the center of attention. I became acutely aware of the texture of my clothing against my skin, the cool breeze gently tousling my hair, and the ambient sounds of the campus that had transformed into a distant murmur.Despite my initial apprehension, I found myself embracing the experience. The involuntary stillness granted me a unique perspective on the world around me. I became an observer, detached from the usual stresses of life.Eventually, the salesman tapped a button on his phone, releasing me from the app's grip. My limbs gradually regained their mobility, and I blinked, readjusting to the dynamic surroundings."Thank you for being a part of our demonstration!" the salesman declared, handing me a pamphlet with a charming smile.As I walked away from the booth, I couldn't shake off the strange mix of wonder and relaxation that lingered within me. The FreezeFrame app had turned an ordinary day on campus into a surreal interlude, reminding me of the beauty in pausing for a moment and appreciating the world around us.

This one was inspired by those MMD videos on Twitter where some random girl character does an MMD dance while she slowly turns into a statue or a "figure" or whatever from the feet up. And I use the term "figure" here pretty loosely because that usually just amounts to the OP adding a really shiny texture over her and leaving it at that. But there is one guy who really does try to get a plastic-looking effect in MMD, so there's that.

Anyway, what happened here was that I first tried haggling the Al to get plastic anime figures dancing onstage, and it worked extremely well. So well, in fact, that I figured I could switch it to an inflatable prompt without much issue. Sure enough, it worked!

So that brings me to today's special offer. Are you interested in me uploading "Shown Up (Plastic Figure TF?)"? It'll be like this one, but it's a plastic figure TF, and it's going to be worded differently. Thanks to my previous run-in with the Al, I have plenty of great candidates for pics of onstage plastic idols for use in the caption, and I can easily squeeze some more caption text out of the Al as well. Alternatively I can hunt for non-Al images of anime figures of real idol characters, but as you've seen, the Al's wicked ways allow me to put them in never-before-seen poses or settings. Visit the poll below to once again decide my fate on this matter. I trust you all to make the right choice

www.deviantart.com/entrylvlbre…

Also, don't forget, my normal offer's still good! When is it not, really? Send me a note if you want in on exclusive bonus pics and/or info on how to generate photo-realistic, HD, real balloonbabes yourself! It's as legit as it gets, and it's 100% free. All the treasures of Al can be yours my liege

--- READ UP SUCKAS ---

Emi: Thank you for joining me tonight! Are you ready for a performance you won't forget?

[Emi begins her dance routine. Soon, she feels a subtle warmth spreading through her body, starting from her fingertips. The audience can't see it yet, but her fingers are already slowly puffing up, losing their defined edges and getting all soft and squishy. She glances at her hands.]

Emi: (Hmm, that's strange. Is it the adrenaline? I've never felt so... light.)

[Emi's hands begin to tingle, and she notices they're becoming smoother, shinier. Imagine touching a balloon, that's exactly how it feels – smooth, rubbery, and slightly cool.]

Emi: (My hands feel so… perfect, almost like they're not mine. Is this part of the performance? It's distracting, but in a strangely pleasant way.)

[Emi tries to focus on the choreography, but the sensation intensifies as Emi's entire arms gradually turn into inflatable forms. The once-defined curves of her biceps and forearms gave way to a more rounded, air-filled shape.]

Emi: (Wait, what's happening to my arms? It's like I'm becoming weightless. It feels like my arms are floating. And what's this squeaky sound? Is it in the music?)

[Undeterred, Emi keeps dancing, her movements becoming more fluid, her body adjusting to the inflatable transformation. She can feel the pressure building, but it's not uncomfortable at all. Her waist and hips slowly become plump and rounded like balloons filled with helium.]

Emi: (I can do this. It's just a part of the show. Keep dancing, Emi.)

[The sensation moves down to Emi's legs, and she notices her tights becoming glossy and inflatable, matching the texture of her arms. She starts to bounce slightly off the stage with each step. Each movement sends a delightful ripple through her air-filled legs.]

Emi: (My legs feel so buoyant. It's like dancing on air. And these tights... they're like balloons too. And my shoes, too. Listen to that squeak. Is that me?)

[Emi's dress follows suit, transforming into a shiny, inflatable material that enhances the rhythmic sways of her body.]

Emi: (My dress is changing too! It's like it's filling with air. It's so shiny and squishy now. It's like I'm turning into a life-sized inflatable version of myself. Is this what the audience expected?)

[As Emi twirls, her hair melds into a single, inflatable piece.]

Emi: (My hair! It's one big, bouncy balloon. And it's so... delightful. I can feel it bobbing as I move.)

[The transformation reaches Emi's face, her features gradually becoming painted on, giving her a surreal, animated appearance.]

Emi: (Okay, now I'm starting to look like a living cartoon. But look at that shine! It's like I've stepped into a dream. This is incredible!)

[Emi completes the dance routine, the transformation now complete. She stands on stage, fully inflatable, light, and squeaky.]

Emi: (giggling) Thank you everyone! That was... something else. I can still move and speak, but everything feels so... different. Who knew being an inflatable idol could be so much fun? Let's create more memories together!

[Emi winks, her rubber body creaking softly as she exits the stage, leaving the audience in awe and wonder.]