HOME | DD
FeMailleTurtle — Dissatisfaction
Published: 2008-12-16 22:56:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 337; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 18
Redirect to original
Description
DissatisfactionTears at me
I couldn't figure the emotion
I was feeling
until today
Now I realize
it's dissatisfaction
Dissatisfaction with you
for not seeming to care
And dissatisfaction with you
for your inability to share
My desire to overlook it
shrinks daily and yet
I want to fix it
But it's been a year
and nothing has changed
on either front
What am I to you these days?
Sex? Babysitter? Housekeeper?
Fun?
I need to know.
I need to know why you want me.
I can't figure it.
It tears at me.
Related content
Comments: 12
i wish i was smart enough to leave a helpful comment.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Just the fact that you take the time to leave a comment helps me. I'm telling you...you make me smile and that helps me sooo much.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
*whew* This one's raw and real. (Does it help, putting it down in words and letters? 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I guess it helps to get the emotion out, put a name to it and talk about it. But it's still in me...growing like an evil weed.
Last night my husband got home and I was sobbing, for what I thought was no reason. But then he asked what was wrong, had I taken the new meds yet or changed anything? And the words that popped out of my mouth were that I'm crying because I'm just so very unhappy with my life and I don't know what to do about it. I didn't mean for them to come out so bluntly or so rudely, but they did...one would think we'd talk about it, right? Nope. Nothing.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I hear you; I've been there, where you just can't say anything without breaking down or blowing up.
Would you mind if I told you a secret about men? It's just this: Sometimes we literally cannot talk about things right away. We're not raised to be honest about our emotions; it's threatening to us because we're always supposed to be "the strong, silent type" without the weakness of the softer emotions. In time, we can work through this; but it takes a lot of vulnerability and self-honesty--something a lot of men have been taught is unmanly. And until we do, more often than not in situations like last night for you, we just don't know what to say, so we say nothing.
I say this because my ex-wife never understood that. She always had to have things out here and now, and never understood that I was saying nothing for fear I'd say something completely unforgivable. (That's a personal thing with me; I don't know if most men feel that way.) Ultimately, that was one of the main reasons our marriage blew up in our faces. Our personal styles were too different.
I can only pray things will be better for you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
It can be hard to wake up sometimes. To realize that what you are holding onto is only a memory of what was comfortable for you. Like a robe, you thought you loved to wear but that grows itchy and starts to drive you insane. Things will get better.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I hope so. Or all the pills in the world won't keep me sane. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Well... sanity is somewhat overrated.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
There are indeed times when the strongest and bravest decision is to give up and walk away. When continuing to fight is tantamount to conceding defeat.
I hope you find the decision that's right for you, hon... there are many here who have your back, and I am one of them.
Rock on, lady.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Wise words, my friend. I just wish I knew what the right decision was. I don't know if I know how to give up. I want to, I think....but then I'm not sure. So many factors have to go into this decision and I don't know how to weigh them, yanno? Maybe it's time to go back to my therapist.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Sometimes, to realize that you are dissatisfied, you need something more satisfying to template it against... believe me, I know...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0