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FinalFallenFantasy — Elevator
Published: 2010-07-11 19:33:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 1598; Favourites: 17; Downloads: 3
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Description    Hayner glared at the elevator as it lifted without him, the last person apparently incapable of holding the doors for just ten seconds for him. Grumbling, he settled to wait, jamming his finger against the grubby 'up' arrow and sighing huffily.

   After a while, a blonde boy he didn't know came over to wait beside him. Hayner raised an eyebrow – he didn't recognise him, and he came here every day. Well, that was a joke, he lived in the hospital nowadays. He should recognise this guy, he thought, if he was using this elevator. This was one of the smaller lifts, though, for the use of those not in an emergency situation - it was due for maintenance in a few days - and new patients generally went up in the more easily found elevators at the front of the hospital. Maybe he was an outpatient – he wasn't wearing a hospital gown. Hayner was, but he was luckily able to wear his trousers under it. But now he thought about it, he did know the blonde from somewhere. Tall, blue eyes, black beanie… He knew he'd seen him somewhere before.

   Eventually the elevator clackered back down again and opened with a smooth groan. Hayner let the other blond go in first, before wheeling himself in behind him. It was with slight jealousy that he glanced at the unknown boy, standing in the corner boredly after pressing the buttons. He wished he could stand. He missed running. And Struggle. Hell, he missed just being able to moan that his legs were aching after walking around all day.

   They started going up, the lift sighing heavily as it moved, almost as though it was weary with its pitiful lot, only going up and down, up and down. However, it ground to a halt long before it reached the floor Hayner was getting off at. He assumed that this was where the other boy was getting out, but he had a confused frown too. The lift tried to continue upwards but eventually shuddered and stopped. Hayner blinked and swore.
"Goddammit. This is why the damn thing needs maintenance." He wheeled over to the buttons and pressed the one with the speaker icon on it. "Hey, anyone there? The damn lift's stuck again. I told you it needed looking at last time. Hello?" He paused and listened to the silence. "Dammit." He pressed the alarm bell to let someone know that the lift was stuck, wherever the alarm led to. Huffing frustratedly, he settled back into his wheelchair.
"This happens a lot, I take it?" the so far silent blonde asked. Hayner turned his chair and nodded.
"Like… Last Thursday was the last time. This thing's a fucking mess. They keep getting the same guy to look at it and it never gets better." He leaned down and reached his arm around the back of the wheelchair, pulling out his DS from the back pocket. Looking back at the blond, he remarked, "We might be here for a while, so what's your name?"
"Seifer. You?"
"Hayner. As you might be able to tell by the damn dress, I'm an inpatient. You?" Seifer shrugged.
"Visiting my sister. She's been here a couple of weeks – had appendicitis. She's supposed to be coming home next weekend."
"Lucky her." Hayner's slightly bad mood worsened a bit. He missed being home. He missed his friends. Yes, they came to see him, but… It wasn't the same. They knew he was lonely and came as much as possible, but even he could tell they didn't really want to be there – they wanted to be with him, yes, but they… He sighed. "Sorry, that was probably assholish. I'm just in a bad mood." Seifer shrugged.
"Doesn't bother me. Most people call me an asshole. They're probably right." He chuckled. They sat and stood in silence for a while, until Hayner's DS started beeping as he began playing a game.

   They continued to ignore each other in companionable silence for the next five minutes, until Hayner made a frustrated sound and reached back over his head to press the call button again.
"Oi, anyone there now?" He waited for a response, which came quite quickly.
"Yes, is there a problem?"
"Yeah, the bloody lift's stuck again."
"Which one? I'll send someone along."
"Which d'you think? Seven, freaking seven again."
"That wouldn't be Mr Dincht would it?" Hayner sighed.
"Yeah it is. Ax?"
"Mmhm. Ok, I'll get Reno to do a James Bond for you. He'll be there in a bit." Hayner released the button and massaged his arm – it was protesting at being twisted above his head for so long.
"I guess you know the guy on the other end, then." Seifer commented.
"Yeah." Hayner stretched with a sudden yawn. "Man, where did that come from? I sleep practically all day, why am I tired?"
"Being in such close proximity to the embodiment of awesome tends to wear people out." Seifer remarked dryly with a smirk. Hayner snorted.
"If by 'embodiment of awesome', you mean 'weird blonde with a stupid hat', you'd still be wrong." Seifer raised an eyebrow and leaned back against the wall of the lift, arms folded across his chest.
"Oh, kitty has claws." Hayner sniggered at that.
"That's something you'd say to a girl, dumbass. Besides, I remember where I've seen you before now. We used to Struggle sometimes, in the tournaments."
"And I always beat you flat on your ass." Seifer said with the air of finishing his sentence. Hayner glared at him and crossed his arms.
"Did not! I beat you twice."
"Out of how many?" Seifer pointed out with a grin. Hayner glared at him and remained silent. The taller blonde started laughing, and eventually, Hayner abashedly joined in.

   After a while, they returned to silence, and Hayner closed his eyes, thinking of how sunny it had been outside the window, and how much he wished he could climb that tree near the entrance. Without even realising it, his face contorted into a grimace of longing and lingering sadness.
"Hey, you ok?" The not-quite-so-unknown voice asked, a lot closer than it had been before. And there, in that elevator, with an almost complete stranger, Hayner felt something break. He'd been inside for so long, he was forgetting what sunlight and a breeze felt on his face, and he had no idea if he'd ever feel that again. He might never feel that again, or ever go swimming, or Struggle, or climb another tree, or ever… He let out a choked sob, clenching his fists and leaning forwards, trying not to let any of those stupid, stupid, stupid tears out. His legs were a thin as two sticks, and he was certain that even if he ever got out of the wheelchair, he wouldn't be able to walk anyway, due to the complete and utter weakness in them. His shoulders started shaking as all of that carefully constructed hope and optimism came tumbling down. All because of a slightly familiar face that reminded him of what he could never have.

   When warm arms slipped around his shoulders, tentative, unsure, he just leaned into Seifer and pressed his face into his shoulder, arms coming up to wrap around him in turn. He tried to hold back the tears and was surprisingly quite successful, only a few solitary ones soaking into the older boy's collar.

   Within ten minutes, he pulled away, breathing deeply. God, where was Reno?
"You ok now?" Seifer asked, stepping away.
"Yeah. Sorry about that. I don't usually have breakdowns in elevators with complete strangers." Hayner wiped a hand roughly across his eyes and leaned back with a sigh.
"Hey, I'm not a complete stranger." Hayner gave the taller male a half-smile.
"Yeah, I've just been crying into your shirt like some damn chick. I think I can safely say I've never done that to any of my friends."
"Well, I don't tend to be all comforting and shit when people are crying, either. So… what's wrong? I mean, why are you…" Seifer gestured to the wheelchair. Hayner frowned.
"Why does everyone ask that?" Seifer shrugged.
"Maybe cos they're interested? Don't worry, it doesn't matter. Just trying not to be a complete stranger." Hayner smiled at that.
"S'ok. Where's that stupid redhead?..." He contemplated pressing the call button again, but didn't. It wasn't as bad being stuck in an elevator when there were two of you.
"Probably gotten stuck in the wires or something. I thought I could smell ginger cooking…" Hayner chuckled and replied,
"He's flattered, I'm sure." There was a faint tapping sound from above them before the lift shuddered back into life and continued to grind its way up to the next floor. Hayner smiled. "At last."

    They rattled up to the level Hayner was getting out on, the seated boy wondering why Seifer hadn't gotten out yet – surely his sister wasn't on that level, if she was going home… He barely registered the taller blonde moving behind him and grabbing the handles on the back of his wheelchair as the doors started to open.
"Hey, what're you-" Hayner didn't get to finish that sentence as Seifer ran forwards, pushing him at breakneck speed down the long corridor, laughing. Hayner, once he'd gotten over the initial shock, joined in, throwing his arms in the air and grinning like mad. It wasn't like running again. No, it was like flying.
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Comments: 45

BrendaBlind77 [2014-09-17 21:24:08 +0000 UTC]

Alright, this is sooooooo cute! Like, I'm all "awwwwwww"s here! Soooooooooooooo cute! :3

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FinalFallenFantasy In reply to BrendaBlind77 [2014-09-19 15:14:12 +0000 UTC]

Glad you enjoyed it thanks for commenting!

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BrendaBlind77 In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2014-09-21 18:55:31 +0000 UTC]

My pleasure!

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Teppa [2012-03-09 18:26:52 +0000 UTC]

Oh mai gawd ; A; i wanted to cry so bad when he broke down! T~T gebus that was beautiful <3 great job!!! love it to no end >u<

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FinalFallenFantasy In reply to Teppa [2012-03-10 01:01:56 +0000 UTC]

Aw thanks sorry to nearly make you cry

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Teppa In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2012-03-12 06:07:40 +0000 UTC]

no no...it's okay *hugs back* T~T it was beautiful. XD
hurt me a lot cause i'm a Hayner role player too >~<

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FinalFallenFantasy In reply to Teppa [2012-03-13 11:13:52 +0000 UTC]

Ah I rp him sometimes fun to be the spunky little guy sometimes. Though Seifer's just as fun. Haven't done either in a while though; Kingdom Hearts seems to be slipping away from my favourites. I'll have to play it again to renew my interest! >

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Teppa In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2012-03-14 02:39:04 +0000 UTC]

*A* you RPed him too! *huggu* Hayner brothers!!! XD
ASDFGHJGKHG You RPed SEIFER?!??! >///< Gawsh! I Rped with 2 Seifer's but one disappeared and the other...is almost never online (1 once a months...twice if i'm lucky...), but she's awesome.
If you'd like to RP Seifer, tumblrs a nice new RP place ;] I'd love to RP with you if you decided to get on board ^u^

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FinalFallenFantasy In reply to Teppa [2012-03-22 18:42:58 +0000 UTC]

I'll hopefully have a KH resurgence of love sometime, so maybe someday!

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Teppa In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2012-03-23 04:43:26 +0000 UTC]

YAAY that'd be awesome haha! ways to get muse back....hm....watch KH cut scenes? OuO? XD

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TheFangirlInMe999 [2010-11-05 22:27:44 +0000 UTC]

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. I LOVED IT. YOU ARE A GENIUS.

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FinalFallenFantasy In reply to TheFangirlInMe999 [2010-11-06 12:12:09 +0000 UTC]

8D thanks!!

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TheFangirlInMe999 In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2010-11-06 17:44:18 +0000 UTC]

YOUR WELCOME!! ^^

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FrankIeroRules [2010-07-14 11:15:25 +0000 UTC]

Aww, I loved this! Especially the ending, haha. It was unexpected, but in that sort of 'omg wow! I love that!' sort of way. Yeah. Anyway, nice job!

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FinalFallenFantasy In reply to FrankIeroRules [2010-07-14 15:14:41 +0000 UTC]

8D thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it

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FrankIeroRules In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2010-07-14 23:52:39 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome!

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shipet100 [2010-07-12 20:40:03 +0000 UTC]

ten points! cause you are such an epic writer!

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

FinalFallenFantasy In reply to shipet100 [2010-07-12 20:44:23 +0000 UTC]

XD thanks. But I don't think there's a points system for the side-contest... Is there?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

shipet100 In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2010-07-12 20:51:58 +0000 UTC]

not for anyone who isn't PTLX. haha X)

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FinalFallenFantasy In reply to shipet100 [2010-07-13 16:51:37 +0000 UTC]

XD thanks anyway, bebe!

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shipet100 In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2010-07-13 21:31:51 +0000 UTC]

haha your welcome

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shipet100 In reply to shipet100 [2010-07-12 20:40:52 +0000 UTC]

Wait...never mind this if for being EC contest-haha. If i could give you points i would.

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PoisonTonicLX [2010-07-12 15:51:33 +0000 UTC]

Originality: 9/10 Of course, getting stuck in an elevator with ‘the one’ is the entire cliché, but you did a wonderful job with it! I loved how they got stuck together—most stories have one or the other of the couple running to catch the elevator, and while Hayner did, in a way, run to catch it, it wasn’t to get on the elevator with Seifer. Having them in a hospital with one of them sick (and in a wheelchair!) was a wonderful touch, as well. You also escaped the ‘people walking in on an awkward moment’ cliché that most elevator fics have…although Reno ‘saving’ them made me giggle.

Spelling/Grammar: 9/10 There are probably a few typos that I don’t remember (I read the story last night but was too tired to critique, and just skimmed it this morning), but I don’t think there are many stories without them, so I didn’t take off for that. I actually took off because of a little pronoun mix-up near the beginning. The sentence was: “Hayner raised an eyebrow – he didn't recognise him, and he came here every day.” It’s a bit confusing to have so many pronouns in one sentence like that—I would suggest replacing the ‘him’ with ‘the other boy’ or something like that, to help clear up who you’re talking about. Also, when you use an ellipsis, you don’t need to capitalize the next word unless it’s a new paragraph. So don’t… Do this. Do…this. (It’s possible that that’s one of those things that change from author to author, but I don’t think it is…) Overall, though, you did a really good job with the spelling/grammar portion of your story (or, at least, I was so distracted by the story that I didn’t notice much).

Characterization: 9/10 I thought you did a great job with the characterization of this piece, especially considering that it was at least mildly AU-ish. I kind of wanted there to be a little more arguing, just because it IS Seifer and Hayner, but otherwise I thought you did a good job. (I just realize Seifer never called Hayner by one of his usual sobriquets! D8) I didn’t think you needed the explanation about Hayner’s breakdown; you did a good job of leading up to it in the story, so it was fairly self-explanatory and somewhat expected (in a good way). I DID think you should have given us more details about why Hayner is in the hospital—and, yes, that includes the sickness. I know you said you felt it was irrelevant, but it’s those little, seemingly irrelevant details that help reveal a lot about a character. Like, is it something he can recover from, like a broken leg? Will he be there for a much longer time, as with cancer? It would actually help to explain his breakdown, too—is he just sick of waiting, or will he really never have the chance to be outside again, and is mourning the loss of…well, his life outdoors? Of course, I could just be really curious.

Believability: 10/10 Given all of the details of this, I never really doubted what was going on. I kind of wanted to know why Seifer was using what Hayner described as a ‘back’ elevator, but I think that even without that explanation it was a highly believable and realistic plot.

Entertainment Value: 9/10 I felt it was very enjoyable. But since it’s much more introspective than most, and there isn’t a lot of action, I think it’s going to be one of those pieces that people either love or hate (hate is maybe too strong a word; I hope you understand what I mean).

Overall Score: 46/50 You now have 43 additional points with which you can do whatever you please.

Other Suggestions: I think I’ve given this suggestion to everyone so far, but I think you should rename it. Admittedly, ‘Elevator’ fits your story better than the other titles of extra credit stories I’ve read insofar, but I think using the prompt as your title is…copping out, I guess? I think you’re much better than that, and I’m sure you can find a better title!

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FinalFallenFantasy In reply to PoisonTonicLX [2010-07-12 20:42:29 +0000 UTC]

Ah screw dA. I wrote out an entire reply to this and then it deleted. Actually, that was probably my computer's fault. It's been screwed up.

Anyway, I'm gonna paraphrase my original reply, so if it sounds a bit short, I'm sorry. Just had an evil sonofabitch day.

Yeah, that was severe misuse of pronouns - I may have to change it at some point.
I think the ellipsis thing varies, but I can't be sure - I've read about equal amounts of both. Maybe it's another one of those American vs English things? Like ). vs .)?
D8 he didn't, did he? Egad, oversight! He should have used at least one... >_>' *fail*
Yeah, the sickness was meant to be ambiguous as to whether the reader thinks he will recover or not. A few options I did consider were:
a. Hit and run that left him paralysed from the waist down
b. Cancer
c. Bad break with complications
There were more but I can't remember them right now.

Well, it also depends on what the reader thinks he has, but I think that it's one of those horrible IRL situations where the doctors tell them they probably will walk again, 'if they're lucky', and so there's no conclusive proof either way, so he's sick of waiting and being left hanging, and he's terrified he'll never be able to walk again.

He's using the back elevator cos he's been to visit his sister a few times and sometimes the front elevators in a hospital can be whoa!crowded. At least, over here they can.

8D thanks!

Hmm, good point. I generally use the prompt as a title for contest entries now, because it means there's no ambiguity about which prompt/contest it's for. But I did think of a few titles, so I might change it...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PoisonTonicLX In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2010-07-12 23:16:47 +0000 UTC]

Bwaaaah, I hate it when that happens. orz

I think you might be right...stupid differences like that upset me, especially being as obsessive as I am about spelling and grammar. =3=

I KNOW! I realized it just as I was finishing up my critique.

And, yeah, I understand...probably I'm just too curious for my own good on that one. XD

It's actually becoming a huge pet peeve of mine, when people use prompts as titles. I mean, sometimes it works, but...I dunno, I tend to go crazy with titles. I find that to be half the fun of a story - sometimes I'll name it before I write it, and then find that it's gotten away from me and the title doesn't fit, anymore, and sometimes I'll do my weird OCD thing and go searching for JUST THE RIGHT TITLE. XDDD So, I dunno, you don't have to change it if you don't want to.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FinalFallenFantasy In reply to PoisonTonicLX [2010-07-13 20:38:33 +0000 UTC]

I'm afraid I suck at titles. I've been writing storis since was six and I still have only one title matched to a story, and how lame it is: The Adventure. Yes, that was my first ever finished story, so the title sucks because I was seven.

I think 'Wings and Wheels' is a bit too... angelsteampunk.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PoisonTonicLX In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2010-07-13 21:06:12 +0000 UTC]

XDD lol I think most of my titles are either lines from the story, song titles, or bits of quotes.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FinalFallenFantasy In reply to PoisonTonicLX [2010-07-14 15:25:07 +0000 UTC]

XD I must say, 'Gender Bender' is one of my favourite ones... XDXD

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PoisonTonicLX In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2010-07-14 15:41:45 +0000 UTC]

XD lmao, I've never actually thought of which one's my favorite...hmmmm...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FinalFallenFantasy In reply to PoisonTonicLX [2010-07-18 12:36:57 +0000 UTC]

Well, I finally thought of an appropriate title for one of my poems which has had a rubbish one (IMO) - it shall soon be changed to 'Freedom is a Motorbike'. 8D

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PoisonTonicLX In reply to FinalFallenFantasy [2010-07-18 13:14:37 +0000 UTC]

XD That's an AWESOME title, lmao.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FinalFallenFantasy In reply to PoisonTonicLX [2010-07-18 17:31:55 +0000 UTC]

8D thanks. Glad you approve!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Panda-Chan96 [2010-07-12 09:56:47 +0000 UTC]

ok, I thought something different would happen, but the I saw he was in a wheelchair....>.>*has a dirty mind*
[my buddy said something a bout an M-rated Seiner fic 'bout getting stuck in an elevator, so I lol'd when I realized they were gunna get stuck]

ANYWAYS......I loved this, it was so cute at the end ^__^

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

FinalFallenFantasy In reply to Panda-Chan96 [2010-07-12 20:43:37 +0000 UTC]

Oh yes, m-rated fic about an elevator - that's Crowded Elevator by Tanny-san. If you didn't know that already XD.

Glad you enjoyed it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Panda-Chan96 In reply to Panda-Chan96 [2010-07-12 09:57:14 +0000 UTC]

Then*

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peace1089 [2010-07-12 02:08:44 +0000 UTC]

awww- poor Hayner! I loved the ending though!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FinalFallenFantasy In reply to peace1089 [2010-07-12 20:43:49 +0000 UTC]

Thanks.

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Reeses--Pieces [2010-07-12 01:28:56 +0000 UTC]

tehlul
ending was epic. 8D

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FinalFallenFantasy In reply to Reeses--Pieces [2010-07-12 20:42:50 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

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KatLovinKola [2010-07-11 21:26:58 +0000 UTC]

That was really sweet!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FinalFallenFantasy In reply to KatLovinKola [2010-07-12 20:42:42 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

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blackcat-girl [2010-07-11 20:47:29 +0000 UTC]

*was smiling by the end*

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FinalFallenFantasy In reply to blackcat-girl [2010-07-11 21:16:45 +0000 UTC]

Yay! Glad it made you smile

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Kaana-Chan [2010-07-11 20:07:16 +0000 UTC]

Aww, poor Hayner. The ending made me smile, though-- it was so sweet (:

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FinalFallenFantasy In reply to Kaana-Chan [2010-07-11 21:16:56 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. glad it made you smile.

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