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firemagic — Bait
Published: 2010-06-22 06:45:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 180; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
BaitLittered along the street
yesterdays meals
looking for a craving
they know they cant steal
ravenous nights
untouched by feeling
willful victim of the beautiful disease
Cry, cry out for the bite
one of them whispers on the night
taunt and tease them
just to please them
as you look over the bait
Death laughs in your face
as it dresses you up nice
seasoning for taste
for the mouth and the eyes
silken sheets and lacy things
seductions always kind
but when day light strikes
empty wounds lay bare
weep for your saviors rise
Cry, cry out for the bite
one of them whispers on the night
taunt and tease them
just to please them
as you look over the bait
Kiss the night and know
sharpness lies behind
shadows on your mind
telling you the toll
addiction to the state
that drains away your life
a night inside begging for release
knowing there issnt much left
Cry, cry out for the bite
one of them whispers on the night
taunt and tease them
just to please them
as you look over the bait
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Comments: 2
The chorus could use some editing. I've got a tune in my head that would go great with the words, but you'd have to change it around just a bit.
Cry, Cry, out for the bite
Hearing a whisper, into the night
Taunt and tease
Just to please
See right through the bait.
I guess it kind of depends on the tune you have, but for me that works better.
The structure of the chorus is great and really works--but the verses are too poetic. There's too many lyrics, so unless you want really fast vocals, or really prolonged verses I suggest you shorten them...just kind of simplify it, you know?
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yeah most of that make sense to me, thanks
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