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flappability — Graffitied
Published: 2005-02-27 19:04:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 488; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 165
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Description
Look at me.bubbling eyes glisten in their wake.
tear-dyed soul for you to take.
thread-bare thoughts crumbling away.
not much more left to fray.
Smother me.
Push me into your open doors.
swathe me in hands that were never yours.
scattered emotions clipped to a line.
stir your storms and strengthen mine.
Twist me.
fumble through my pages so young.
merge us together, into one.
nudging memories flicked to die.
sap my truths into a lie.
Breathe me.
fuse our eyes from end to end.
the promised smiles you will never send.
impel your charring schemes to me
think that I will always be.
Bind me.
wedge me into your quivering sea.
resound that I will never spring free.
trash the product of your plague.
hope for my torn-up white flag.
Sweep you.
the bitter liar I failed to see.
locked vengeance screaming to flee
revealed the thirst to vanquish your feast.
From the magnitude you slipped on me.
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Comments: 13
Some of the rhyming seems a little bit strained and you caught me off guard with some gramatical / typo things, but overall, I like it and I'm glad I helped to inspire it. Thanks for leaving me a comment with the link ^^.
"tear-dyed soul for your to take." - I'm assuming that you meant "Tear-dyed soul for you to take". Simple typo but I thought I'd point it out.
"fumble throught my pages so young." - I'm also again assuming that you meant "Fumble through my pages so young." Again just thought I'd point it out.
"inpel your charring schemes to me" - I'm not really sure if "inpel" is a word. If you meant "impel" then I'm not quite sure if you used it in the right context, but it's all in the eye of the writer.
All in all, other than some simple typos that threw me off a tiny bit, I think it was a great poem, especially for your 2nd time working with rhyming.
~*~ Poison ~*~
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Lol, always gotta have the cheese. And it was nothing, I love inspiring people. It actually inspires me XD. Weird little circle.
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Ahh. Thanks. ^_^ Feels nifty you took the time to drag your eyes across it.
I've realized I can't yank out a poem without any typos. Gotta stop poking the keys like that. But thank you.
Have some cheese.
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"Bind me.
wedge me into your quivering sea."
very good lines.
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Thank you. Nifty comment. ^_^
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This is a cool image you've used. I really like the colours.
As for the prose...
It flows nicely. I like the use of vocab, and it seems open to interpretation. I like that in a poem.
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aww.. thanks!
Nice little comment you poked for me there, yes. ^^
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this is a good av I dont really know anything av etiquette so i 'm sorry i cant offer more insight.
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Ahh.. I'm sorry. No this is not an Av. Gah.
This be a poem! A Poem! If you clicked yourself, and journeyed all the way here, and all you saw was the preview image, then I encourage you to scroll a tad bit down, and read the poem. ^_^ Thanks for the comment anyways. -_-
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oh sorry i wasnt paying attention
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This is one of the best works of poetry I've read all day!! Excellent flow and rhythym!! Much enjoyed the read!
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Thank you, very happily. Yes.
Such a sticky little comment. Thank you!
"Graffittied" was probably one of the few I wrote which turned out buttery. Second attempt to rhyme. This time, I think.. I ....... suceeded. Perhaps your peppery little words have proven that. Ahaha! Go me! I wrote one rhyme-filled poem!
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