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flappability — Softspoken
Published: 2008-03-31 05:45:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 1158; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 23
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Description
I will liveinside your lips
if you shut your eyes
& just
blow
the wilderness of impossible
doves
out of your throat
&fill my lungs with
stark screaming snow
the twist of warm nostalgia driving
unspoken buds of love
down
the glen of
an empty chest
the
strange
nest of sky
/ compressed
/ where we slept
in my dreams my arms are full.
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Comments: 11
simply lovely. short, but still full opf feelings. lovely.
Lady-M
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It sounds so fantastic read aloud. So many good sounds close enough together and far enough apart to tie it all up.
I like your alternating natural/environmental imagery alongside body/emotion imagery. It felt like a little tug-of-war.
I do have to mention that i had a very negative association with the first bit: "will live inside your lips if you shut your eyes & just...blow".
The reason for the bad association was that I recently saw a young hip hop act (by chance, haha) and in his song his chorus line was "just open your mouth wide and blow my mind" (it was all tongue in cheek, but still sounded agressive and offensive).
As you can probably see, many of the words you used in this section are regularly combined in current culture in quite defamatory ways (against women). It set an abusive tone for me from the beginning and i had to read and re-read to find a more objective tone, then re-read more to find the tone of the later half. I still feel unsure because there are some sharp images scattered throughout.
I'm left feeling a little bitter and used, and I'm not sure whether this was your intention.
In summary: reading this was quite an awesome experience indeed! Would love to hear what you have to say (and I hope I didn't offend).
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I should have said long ago how much I love this
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Your descriptions and imagery are so flawless. I love the shape the words take on when read in the right fashion.
It definitely emanates warmth, tenderness and has that soft feel to it.
Stunning!
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<<33 I love "impossible doves."
never stop. feed me endless poemeals
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doves are better than loves.
you are welcome.
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