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flappability — Sourceless Stars
Published: 2005-12-18 07:48:20 +0000 UTC; Views: 740; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 106
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Description
With the shivering rooftilessobbing crimson bulbs
of Christmas-light tears,
The alarm-clock radio
honked away
the morning's mound of fears.
Through sleep-soaked eyes,
I saw snowflakes and raindrops
holding hands
and waving through my window.
They were inviting me in
to the Yearly servings
of casual Kindness
scrunched together --
into a Holiday.
Under bitesize Suns and thirsty trees,
I found myself Recieving Love
in the jolly forms of mirth-glazed gingerbread
sky-stamped cards
chimney-shaped cakes
forest-green scarves
and sourceless stars.
As my syrupy screams
twisted into bows
below the Christmas tree,
I wheeled myself
up slippery smiles --
to scribble syllables
for faraway friends
I barely ever see.
Though gobbled down by the warmest songs
and elbow-deep in foamy laughter --
When I braided together
these Moments of snowcapped melodies;
all that bloomed --
were shredded desires
that returned my thoughts --
to you.
And once again,
my heart was laid
by the papaya peels
in the burping drains,
Sobbing with the Rain.
Kicking my doorstep
into the morning
I fell into the noon.
Below the deafening silence
of the skin-tight sky
encircled by
pidgeon-topped powerlines --
I saw starving snowmen
hobbling on,
with the supple sunbeams
chewing the icicles drooping from their eyes.
Between squeaky hills
and freeze-dried soil,
I steered my way
to the belly of snow
under the One-Way sign
where our Hearts first collided.
With the popsicle glow
of the chittering streetlights
clinging to my elbow,
I ambled to
the porous road,
and smeared my woes
into the snow --
so they'll never bother you.
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Comments: 16
I liked this piece, though I found the capitals sort of distracting,
does the "You" refer to God or a highly esteemed friend, lover?
I also don't understand the reason for spreading the poem across the page like that. Is there a reason? I'm so curious.
Overall I found it quite enjoyable, lots of good images.
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thank you.
That's a great point. The capitals of "You", yeah, I think I'll remove them, because this piece isn't exactly a prayer poem about God or anything. I have other poems about that. But the narrator was referring to a Lover. but I guess it all depends on how you interpret it.
And I just have a habit of spreading my verses across the page like this. I have been writing like this for one year. I think that is just something comforting to see each verse jumping back and forth. It just makes me feel better. There really isn't a reason. Just about every poem that I have written for the past 6 months were spread out like this.
But than
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Oooh I love this.
You're an amazing writer!
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Thank you so much!
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I think everyone else said what I would say. I'm not as wordy. Good stuff!
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This poem is exquisitly beautiful.
It is a perfect reflection on a Christmas season with a balance of both joy and sorrow.
The imagery itself runs like melted butter through my mind. Each image you portray flows very beautifully into the next. The only thing that makes it slightly rough around the edges (for me at least) is the "shaping" of the poem. The way you indented certain lines to different spots makes it a bit jumpy sometimes. I can see the logic in how you shaped and divided it and though it is good for a decorative style, it is not ideal for reading. Perhaps that is just my opinion, I know some people love the style.
One section that I particularly adore is:
"As my syrupy screams
twisted into bows
below the Christmas tree"
It is a beautiful and tormenting imagery. The image of a bow is so sparkling and gives the reader a sense of celebration while the syrupy screams gives a sense of torment and restraint. It's such a perfect contradiction.
All in all, aside from the shaping, I can't find anything I don't like about it. Not even a grammatical error (which I normally find about 10 of when I critique due to the serious mis-use and horrible teaching of the English Language).
Poison's Rating : 9.5 out of 10
~Poison
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Wow. Thank you for the wonderfully, heart-rufflingly, indepth comment, and the rating.
That was probably one of the first actual number ratings that I've recieved for a poem of mine.
And I'd have to admit that I have this really big, fat habit of making my poetry a tad jumpy, and sharply dividing each verse.
It's just sort of comforting, for me, to see these verses scattered all across the page, instread of them all combed in a rigid straight, vertical line. Nowadays I can hardly spend one poem without sticking the verses in all directions.
Anyways, thank you for the wonderful comment!
I look forward to reading more of your own peanutbuttery-beautiful-flowy poetry.
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Very nice... I like the way you format your work, very beautiful 
You use wonderful imagery as well
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aww thank you.
I love how every single one of your comments is capped with "toodles" and two little fuzzy chaps waving at the end. It's really adorable.
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You're welcome....
lol 
^
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aww thank you!
have some cheese 
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Oh, my!
I am in love with this piece of work.
You. Are. The. Coolest.
*favs*
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Thanks so much again.
Yeah I wrote this like in 5 different places. It was just an idea that began to chew my mind and wouldn't stop nibbling until I spanked it hard enough so it would jump out of my pencil as poetry.
I'd say a lot of it is Bright Eyes inspired. You need to find out who they are! Their music is so disturbingly-melancholy-yet-unbelievably-beautiful at the same time. And when I saw them in concert, I felt like crying and flying and dying and trying to throw pie at the same time.
You must hunt them down.
Have a d 
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Indeed, I shall hunt the Bright Eyes down... XD
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Ooo! Nice, I liked your descriptions of the snowmen in the morning and the snowflakes and raindrops in the sky
Had a great flow and rhythm to it all, nice job! Good luck on your competition! ^_^
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