HOME | DD
formaniac — Post
Published: 2013-10-07 03:01:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 484; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
sainthood is at the post-officethe little one
in the middle of the road
with the dirt that red-rose
and those letter boxes outside
where they sometimes hold parades, I
think, anyway,
sainthood is holding cigarettes
cupping them in its new hands
like a Sunday
clean, suddenly
innocence rushing towards me
-- “easy” – its laughter
screams, and God, its shiny knees
blushed like beets
cut playing soccer in
the weeds of Bethlehem
alone again, the bend
of the road like
all those ropes on a ship
that don’t tell you what they do.
Related content
Comments: 3
I honestly loved this. Had to read it twice-- I have one question. What did "like a Sunday/
clean, suddenly" mean? It just occurred to me that maybe you were talking about sainthood smoking cigarettes and feeling renewed.
Anyway, I really, really loved this. "cupping them in its new hands/ like a Sunday," "innocence rushing towards me," "and God, its shiny knees/ blushed like beets/ cut playing soccer in/ the weeds of Bethlehem," (although I didn't understand the Bethlehem thing?) and "alone again, the bend/ of the road like/ all those ropes on a ship/ that don’t tell you what they do" were my favorite lines. I love the fact that you could surprise me a little with your words and metaphors-- that's something I aim for in my own writing. And you had a little nautical reference to boot (that's more of a personal taste thing.)
Anyway, awesome job!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you so much for the thoughtful comment!
I love nautical references too. I'm a Scorpio, so water sign influence for sure
like a Sunday/
clean, suddenly
^ Clean was supposed to describe the "new hands", but I think I moved it in editing, so it's probably not clear. I just edited this for the first time tonight. It might have needed to rest more. I'll be sure to look at that.
(although I didn't understand the Bethlehem thing?)
^ The new testament identifies Bethlehem as the birthplace of Jesus. Baby Jesus is about as innocent as it can get, and that's what I was going for.
Thanks again. I may still edit this piece a bit so the feedback is appreciated
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Ohhh! Okay, I totally get the Bethlehem thing now. Don't be disheartened by the fact that I misunderstood that because it totally makes sense and I just missed it.
And I thought you were comparing the cigarette to a Sunday as far as the way sainthood valued it, which would actually not be a bad poetic move after all!
No problem, I enjoyed reading it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0