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Published: 2013-09-10 03:30:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 373; Favourites: 8; Downloads: 0
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July 1st, 2002The water seethed. 153 feet below, lines of rippling froth rose and braided atop glassy waves, and he angled his feet until they were backlit by light reflecting off the river. Then Nathan stood and became a figure drifted by traffic.
January 2nd, 2003
His father's name was branded between his shoulder blades. The cotton t-shirt his vessel wore abraded the open sore, but the pain did not throb. Even the sun, refracted by chemical veils, stung his eyes but provided nothing like torture.
February 3rd, 2003
The apartment was dark and stank of cat urine. On the couch, a human in its 60s slept. Nathan approached and anointed its brow with his father's blood.
3 loud noises distracted him. The door opened, and there stood a younger human with sharp brown hair that caught the flickering lightbulbs in the adjacent kitchen. Its eyes were hazel.
February 4th, 2003
On the 7th day, he purified its skin.
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Comments: 21
I like the idea. I do wish there was a little bit more imagery to make feel more grounded in what's going on, but I do like the idea of leaving it up to the reader's imagination. I just wish there was more of a playground that I could play the ideas off of, but that might just me. Still, I really like the idea.
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there isn't more imagery because the narrative is written around nathan and what stands out to him; he's delusional and self-absorbed, so the narrative mirrors his mindset.Β
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Effectively creepy and suspenseful. My imagination is now fully engaged. Thank you.
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I am so trying to figure out what he did when he "purified its skin." I can see that there are clues here...but I'm just not sure what he did. So well done though. I am sufficiently creeped out and will now begin turning on extra lights in my house...
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i'll note you.
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Jesus, you're brilliant, Jorge. This is me being jealous.
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Aaaaaaand there go all chances of me sleeping tonight.
Good job!
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I swear I wasn't copying your format here on my latest submission. Β
Also this is creepy as fuck. Β Congratulations. Β
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\o/ creepy is what i was aiming for!
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let your imagination run wild.Β
i.e. i hinted at what he did but i don't want to blatantly state it. it's heavily implied in the second section, but even then, it's open to multiple interpretations.Β
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Yea, if you mean branding and branding names, I don't see how that's purifying. If that's not what you mean, I'm completely lost.
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look at the religious connotations of the words. and on top of that, the sanity of "nathan" is meant to be questioned; for example, what were the three loud noises? and if his father is implied to be god, what is his father's blood? specifically, the lines referring to "his vessel" are the most telling.
in short, everything is there, i promise.Β
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I will take you at your word.
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