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Published: 2013-09-10 03:30:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 373; Favourites: 8; Downloads: 0
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Description
July 1st, 2002The water seethed. 153 feet below, lines of rippling froth rose and braided atop glassy waves, and he angled his feet until they were backlit by light reflecting off the river. Then Nathan stood and became a figure drifted by traffic.
January 2nd, 2003
His father's name was branded between his shoulder blades. The cotton t-shirt his vessel wore abraded the open sore, but the pain did not throb. Even the sun, refracted by chemical veils, stung his eyes but provided nothing like torture.
February 3rd, 2003
The apartment was dark and stank of cat urine. On the couch, a human in its 60s slept. Nathan approached and anointed its brow with his father's blood.
3 loud noises distracted him. The door opened, and there stood a younger human with sharp brown hair that caught the flickering lightbulbs in the adjacent kitchen. Its eyes were hazel.
February 4th, 2003
On the 7th day, he purified its skin.
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Comments: 21
autumnlit [2013-09-14 15:09:32 +0000 UTC]
I like the idea. I do wish there was a little bit more imagery to make feel more grounded in what's going on, but I do like the idea of leaving it up to the reader's imagination. I just wish there was more of a playground that I could play the ideas off of, but that might just me. Still, I really like the idea.
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glossolalias In reply to autumnlit [2013-09-14 23:20:41 +0000 UTC]
there isn't more imagery because the narrative is written around nathan and what stands out to him; he's delusional and self-absorbed, so the narrative mirrors his mindset.Β
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leyghan [2013-09-13 19:39:29 +0000 UTC]
Effectively creepy and suspenseful. My imagination is now fully engaged. Thank you.
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haphazardmelody [2013-09-11 23:02:59 +0000 UTC]
I am so trying to figure out what he did when he "purified its skin." I can see that there are clues here...but I'm just not sure what he did. So well done though. I am sufficiently creeped out and will now begin turning on extra lights in my house...
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glossolalias In reply to haphazardmelody [2013-09-11 23:04:33 +0000 UTC]
i'll note you.
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pomohippie7 [2013-09-10 21:38:12 +0000 UTC]
Jesus, you're brilliant, Jorge. This is me being jealous.
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oviedomedina [2013-09-10 20:45:49 +0000 UTC]
Aaaaaaand there go all chances of me sleeping tonight.
Good job!
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Helldalgo [2013-09-10 20:18:51 +0000 UTC]
I swear I wasn't copying your format here on my latest submission. Β
Also this is creepy as fuck. Β Congratulations. Β
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glossolalias In reply to Helldalgo [2013-09-10 20:30:42 +0000 UTC]
\o/ creepy is what i was aiming for!
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glossolalias In reply to vespera [2013-09-10 16:11:20 +0000 UTC]
let your imagination run wild.Β
i.e. i hinted at what he did but i don't want to blatantly state it. it's heavily implied in the second section, but even then, it's open to multiple interpretations.Β
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vespera In reply to glossolalias [2013-09-10 16:48:17 +0000 UTC]
Yea, if you mean branding and branding names, I don't see how that's purifying. If that's not what you mean, I'm completely lost.
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glossolalias In reply to vespera [2013-09-10 20:27:03 +0000 UTC]
look at the religious connotations of the words. and on top of that, the sanity of "nathan" is meant to be questioned; for example, what were the three loud noises? and if his father is implied to be god, what is his father's blood? specifically, the lines referring to "his vessel" are the most telling.
in short, everything is there, i promise.Β
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vespera In reply to glossolalias [2013-09-10 20:51:25 +0000 UTC]
I will take you at your word.
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