HOME | DD
Published: 2012-10-25 12:47:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 162; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Karen had never kissed another woman, but she liked the taste of this woman's mouth, fruity like her lipgloss. It stuck between them and their tongues, and when she pulled away, she wondered if sixteen years of marriage had been erased by this nameless woman. The thrill had her exhalations bated, and in the dark bar, beside the carpeted stage, no one had seen them. She asked, "What's your name?""You don't need to know it, sweetheart." The woman touched her left hand. "That's a big rock. Are you happy? Does he make you cum?"
"Sometimes. No." Karen placed her hands on the woman's waist and kissed her again, savoring the wet smack. "Never. I've never had an orgasm." The woman was touching her hair and her back and her ass. "What's your name?"
"You're so persistent. Don't you like a little mystery?" The woman had a voice like Cuban cigars. "Will you go home with me? I can change that, you know. I can make you cum until you can't walk. I can make you feel so good. I can show you how to make yourself feel good."
"I don't know your name."
"Do you need to know it?"
They met eyes. Karen nodded. The woman laughed and nipped at her ear. Her breath was warm and sent chills down Karen's spine that nestled in her stomach. Her thighs tingled. Her lungs were committing mutiny. Her heart had forgotten it was an organ. "Please."
"Do you want to know what you can call me?" The woman ran a thin finger along her collarbone. Her nails were painted red. "An escape. Are you going to come home with me?"
Karen looked at the door, at the drunk band, and back at the woman. She pocketed her wedding ring and followed her to a black car with leather seats. The woman played her music so loudly it shook the night, and Karen loathed the impending morning.
Related content
Comments: 8
OfOneSoul [2012-11-03 22:58:48 +0000 UTC]
I secretly approve this message.
First of all, I wanted to say kudos to ~pomohippie7 for the song choice. It certainly gave room for interpretation and I loved it as well! I've never heard of this band and now I'm hooked.
Kudos to you as well for taking the story in this direction. I would have never considered the song inspiring something like this, but it's downright perfect. This short piece of prose basically embodies the lyrics of the original song... in its own twisted, sexy way.
I loved the description. It was so sensual and intoxicating, it tempted me to be bad. It was nice to experience Karen's struggle in such a way. Whereas I would normally disprove anyone cheating on their spouse, I felt so sympathetic for Karen. I wanted her to do it.
As for a little constructive criticism, it's hard to criticize your work for I feel that you have a far better grasp of writing skills than I - but might I suggest editing your sentence length a bit? I noticed that a few of your sentences had several commas. I have a problem with running sentences and I thought I might point out what I notice to be wrong in my own writing.
Wonderful work hon, I truly enjoyed it.
*OfOneSoul
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
glossolalias In reply to OfOneSoul [2012-11-03 23:04:44 +0000 UTC]
thank you very much for the detailed comment
i also tend to use longer sentences, but i have to say, i actually prefer them to choppy sentences. the rule with long sentences is: if you can read them and understand them, they're good. if you had to tilt your head and uhmmm then you should probably split it up P: (that's my rule, anyway) were there any sentences like the latter? it'd be really helpful if you pointed them out \o/
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
glossolalias In reply to untruths [2012-10-29 20:09:04 +0000 UTC]
u and ur ladies (i thought of you while i was writing this, actually, bahaha)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
pomohippie7 [2012-10-25 16:56:07 +0000 UTC]
Isn't that song just amazing! I never would have thought to go this route with it; very creative!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1