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Published: 2006-06-04 05:28:13 +0000 UTC; Views: 151; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 7
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Description
I search through woundsfor something i wont find
Cause I'm a morbid child
with a distraught mind.
A black old heart
and a soul to match
I find my treasure chest
to unlock the hatch.
I begin to cut
at those crimson tears
I'm thrashing at you
to escape all my fears.
I might want you again
so I hid you under my bed
I don't even care
that you're already dead.
Another body
to feed my desire
another dead soul
to throw on the fire.
Cut at your flesh
and I make it bleed
Your blood in the dirt
like a little seed.
Another one I'll find
to be Lying on the floor
In my morbid mind
you make me want more.
The devils and demons
laughing in your face
I can tell by your eyes
you welcome me with a brace.
You can feel the pain
oh god, I feel it too
the only difference between us
is that I actually want you.
But I've only just begun
and I'm starting to unwind
I'm still a morbid child
with a distraught mind.
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Comments: 17
GothicDevil In reply to zootlocker [2006-06-07 06:52:13 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, yep that's the whole point to be scarey .. Hehe
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
zootlocker In reply to GothicDevil [2006-06-07 07:03:01 +0000 UTC]
I mean scary-weird...but nice
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GothicDevil In reply to zootlocker [2006-06-07 07:12:09 +0000 UTC]
Lol yeah .. Thanks i'm glad you think it's nice still
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
nevergetfooledagain [2006-06-05 17:42:34 +0000 UTC]
Mmmm, yummy...I like the theme. Too bad I have drawers under my bed....
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GothicDevil In reply to nevergetfooledagain [2006-06-05 17:44:23 +0000 UTC]
Lol very to bad arnaoid:
I'm glad you liked it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
GothicDevil In reply to drinkyourtea [2006-06-04 14:52:59 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, and thankyou for favouriting it
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
l0stwhispers [2006-06-04 08:39:09 +0000 UTC]
Oh... me likes. Hehe. I really love the rhythm and the rhyme. Brilliantly done.
One part I didn't get was this one though:
I find my treasure chest
to unlock the hatch.
How does a treasure chest unlock the hatch? -is confused- xP
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GothicDevil In reply to l0stwhispers [2006-06-04 09:47:02 +0000 UTC]
Yay i'm glad you liked it... Lol yay ... I don't know either, I thought it just went well with it
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dreamersrapture [2006-06-04 05:56:44 +0000 UTC]
I really liked this poem. Very well written the imagery is fantastic as well as the emotion behind it. You did a great job
The only thing I wanted to point out structre wise and I wasn't even looking for it just sorta caught my attention is on each little paragraph you end with a period, but on the 3rd sentence in on most of them, but not all you start with another capital letter. So I thought maybe each second line should have a period or some sort of puncuation(sp) maybe you might want to go through and take a look at that. Just for flow and structure purposes. Well again great work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
GothicDevil In reply to dreamersrapture [2006-06-04 09:46:31 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, I might.. Well i'm glad you liked and thanks for the pointers... I think .
👍: 0 ⏩: 0




