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Japan’s Narration: Hello. I am Japan. Although I formed an alliance with these two, I am finding it difficult to understand their western ideas and cultural ideal syncretism. (this seems to make sense)

Japan: Ehh… how strange… and new… never before have I witnessed a meal as interesting as one you are eating now. It look like you are consuming snail.

Germany: It’s a French delicacy called escargot.

Italy: I learned about it from my big brother France! Would you like some?

Japan: I’m sorry, but I am still full from eating raw fish…!

Japan’s thoughts: Western culture will certainly take some getting used to…

(Opening)

Japan: I can’t believe this! Put some clothes on at once; bare skin in public dishonors the ghost of your ancestor!

Italy: Now? But I’m hot and I’m Italian and all the chicks dig it! Why don’t you get naked?

Japan: I couldn’t possibly show a strange man my loin cloth! I am begging you to put some clothes on! I consider your deviant need to sleep in bed completely nude already!
I give up… Mr. Germany, you have to say something to him! Please!

Germany: Hm?
Hey, Japan! Can I wash your back?

Japan: …No. It’s clean.

Japan’s thoughts: Nakedness in western culture will also take some getting used to…

Italy: Hetalia!

Germany: Count off!

Italy: Uno~!

Japan: 二. (Ni)

Germany: It’s time to start our training! We will start with the things every soldier should know!

Italy: Yes sir!

[Squadsman 1]

Japan: Huhhh?! Uh… what was that…!?

Germany: Und when your commander approaches?

Italy: I’ll salute him! Then ignore him, sing, eat, and go to bed like an Italian!

Japan: *sigh*

Germany: I only want you to salute!

Japan: 何… (Nani) Your strange western ways are confusing…

Germany: Right… well, don’t do what Italy does, ja?

Italy: You’ll be ok! How ‘bout a nice massage?

Japan: Please… stop touching me…

Japan: Hetalia!

Germany: Listen up! We’ll try this one more time!

Japan: Uh… yes sir!

Italy: No, sir!

Germany: Do you want to end up an experiment?!
Next lesson! What do you do when your enemy tells you to surrender!

Italy: That’s an easy one, sir! Surrender immediately, kiss their butts, inform on our friends, sing, eat, and go to bed!

Germany: That’s the same thing you do to me! Japan!

Japan: Yes sir! I respond Japanese way! Be unclear! Say one thing, but mean something else completely opposite! Like, “I’ll think about it!” Lie to them!

[Yay! Yay!]

Axis: Yay! Yay! Yay!

France: (crying)
I lost to those idiots…?! Le pamplemousse!

Germany: Hetalia!

[When I started cleaning my storage room on a whim, it brought back that memory.]

Lithuania: Mr. America! Are you trying to clean up here? I’ll do it for you.
[“Mr. America! Are you trying to clean up here? I-I’ll do it for you!”]

America: Oh, no. That’s alright. It’s just a little shit cleaning; I can handle it. I need to see for myself what I should get rid of.
[“Eh, no. It’s just a little shit cleaning. I can handle it. I need to see on my own what I should get rid of.”]

[All the good things and bad things are in this place (storage room).]

[Hetalia: America’s Storage Room Cleaning
Coming soon on this show]

Lithuania: Kay… coffee? I’ll go make some!
[“Hm, okay. Then I’ll go make some coffee for you.”]

America: Hetalia!

Japan: So this is Rome! It’s wonderful! Just wonderful!

Italy: Really? You like architecture?

Japan: はい. (Hai) It’s a hobby of mine!

Italy: Is that right… then I’ve got the perfect gift for you; you’re going to love it!

Japan: 何? (Nani) Are you sure?
A column…

[Column]

Narrator: On the land where the White Tigers fell, there stands a column from Pompeii sent by Italy, and a stone monument sent by Germany. The phrase, “Dedicated to the Bushido Spirits” was engraved on the column. However, it is said that it was whittled under the order of the US after the war. You can see these columns in Aizu, Fukushima Prefecture.

(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)

Italy: I’m so surprised such a brute culture could produce such fine paintings! They’re so beautiful!

[Japanese Paintings]

Japan: I am humbled to have Italy pay us such a warm compliment. Please, enjoy this library, which is dedicated to Japanese work.

Italy: Thanks, Japan! I love art books! Eh..!!!!

[Shock]

Japan: Is there… something wrong…? Eh..!!

[Pornography]

Italy: It’s porn…

Japan: Nnn….

Children: To be continued!

Translations
• 何 (Nani): What (Japanese)
• Experiments: It’s very unfortunate, but during WWII, Nazi Germany conducted many inhumane experiments on prisoners in concentration camps. Some included attempting to create conjoined twins by sewing them together, driving a young boy (presumably Polish, as this happened in Poland) insane by strapping him down and rhythmically hitting his head with a hammer, and force creating infected wounds to test how effective sulfonamide was. Bone transplants, cold weather conditions, immunization, mustard gas, drinkable sea water, poison, phosphorus burns, and high altitude conditions were all tested on these prisoners. Sterilization was their experiment to attempt to rid the world of of “hereditary diseases” (schizophrenia, blindness, physical deformities, etc.) Injections and radiation left hundreds of thousands unable to have children.
Kagome Kagome (the song) is based off of the legend surrounding a true story about German immortality experiments in a Japanese orphanage.
Of course, this is a fun cartoon, but let’s not forget the severity of these events. Just because Hetalia is able to take things like this so lightly doesn’t mean that we should.
• Le pamplemousse: Grapefruit (French). I’m guessing he meant it in some kind of derogatory fashion, because… yeah.
• White Tigers: A group of a little over 300 teenage samurai who fought in the Boshin War (1868-1869) in the Aizu domain. The war itself was a civil war between the Tokugawa Shogunate and those who wanted the emperor to have the power.