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America: Ok; it’s time to begin the Allies Conference! Hm?
What’s the deal, China?! You’re way late, dude!!

China: It was not my intention to be late, but I was busy in the kitchen making a drunken crab dish. And my cultural arrogance and appetite make me neither sorry nor regretful.

[Zui Xie: Shanghai hairy crabs pickled in Shaoxing wine]

England: TMI; just take your seat, would you…

China: With pleasure. I brought some friends today. Ok, guys! You can bring everything in now!

Army of Chinese Construction Workers: (Making a ruckus!)

England: Great. He brought the entire bloody Proletariat along with him.

China: It’s very important for me to feel like I am at home!

England: Yeah, fine… then why don’t you make us all some crabs…

[Chinatown]

Chinatown Salesperson: They are thirty dollars apiece!

England: How did you build a town so quickly?!

(Opening)

Germany: Count off!

Italy: Uno~!

Germany: Sehr gut! Then let’s continue our training!

[Italian Military]

Germany: Ok, you Italian dummkopfs, keep your hands to yourselves and TRY to listen!

Italy and Italians: Ja…

Germany: I need you to try to understand how to be good soldiers… you must change your attitude in battle! It appears the only thing you guys are good at is running away and surrendering. You have to follow the lead of your German superiors und fight!
(Italy: Who’s there…?)

Italy and Italians: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!! IT’S BRITAIN’S SOLDIERS!!!!!
(Germany: With (discipline?) and courage you will resolve to be victorious! {Something like this})

[It’s the British military!]

Germany: Meaning, you will learn to fight the German way!

Dog: Woof!

Germany: Your hearts must be made of cold steel and show no mercy in the heat of battle! You are part of our army now!

Italy: Ahh… hi, puppy! That’s a good boy!

Dog: Woof!

Italy: Hetalia!

America: Alright! We’re halfway through our meeting and we’re doing excellent! Dudes… does anyone else feel that… weirdness here? It’s almost like we’re… being watched or something freaky…

England: I sense it too… it feels like there’s someone else in the room with us…!

France: If I had to guess, I’d say it was some creepy spirit hanging around our Russian friend here; perhaps, one of his emperors…

Russia: What? Why me?

China: I’m getting those chilly bumps all over my arm… it’s creeping me out…!

America: Did someone put that videotape in? The one with all the static on it?

China: It wasn’t me!

France: Ah…! I just counted, and there are six people in the room!

England: No way! Six people?! Who the hell else is in here with us?!

Canada: I’m right here… I wonder if they’ll pay attention if I make some noise... one day they’ll notice me…

Kumajiro: Who are you?

Canada: I’m Canada…!!

[Even after that, Canada’s turn never came.]

Germany: Hetalia!

Germany: Count off!

Italy: Uno~!

Japan: 二. (Ni)

Germany: Alright! You’ve made it half way! So it’s time to test your training and see what you’re made of!

[Squadsman 1]

Italy: Yes sir!
Japan: Yes!

Germany: (steady running breathing)
Italy: (exhausted breathing)
Germany: (steady running breathing)
Italy: (exhausted breathing)
Germany: (steady running breathing)
Italy: (exhausted breathing)

Germany: Italy! That pace is never going to cut it! You are not going to lunch until you finish your laps!

Italy: (more steady but still exhausted running breathing)

Germany’s thoughts: Amazing. It’s as if he’s solely motivated by food and the prospect of women.

Italy: Wha? WAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Germany: Where are you going?! It’s no time to skip out on training!!!!

Italy: Britain is going to get meeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Germany: Italy! For crying out loud, you need to learn to run this fast when you’re NOT in retreat!

Japan: So it was proven true that Italian tank advance sixty mile a week! But are somehow able to retreat at sixty mile a day when they see the British coming.

Cat: Meow!

Germany: We are done with our training for today! Come back!!

America: Hetalia!

America: Dudes! It’s time to put a fork in this meeting, ‘cause it’s done! Everything discussed here is top secret. So please make sure that nothing we’ve talked about is leaked to anybody on the outside! Got it?

Italy: Got it!

America: Ah…
England: Aughauh…
France: Ahuahaha…
China: Uhh…
Russia: Ah...
Canada: Hahhhahahaha….

Italy: …….ve~……
One question! Are we gonna have-a food after this? Dinner’s got to be next! Even you guys have to eat! Is it time for us to eat? I wonder if it’ll be pasta! I hope you know how to make-a pasta! If not, I could show you how to make it right! Do you have some garlic?

[Conference Room]

America: (Making a ruckus!)
England: (Causing a disturbance!) Ooh! Ah!
France: (Disrupting the peace!)…meeting!
Russia: (Being a distraction!)
China: Ah! I have my wok with me!
Italy: (Creating an uproar!)

Germany: I guess Italy can’t handle being a spy…

Italy: Hetalia!

(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)

(Credits)

Translations
• TMI: Too much information (Text talk)
• Proletariat: A proletariat is someone of the working class in a capitalist society whose only possession of value is their ability to work. China’s Cultural Revolution was officially the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution, and basically they did the whole “everyone does their part and works to build a better China” thing. Of course, China isn’t capitalist, and technically this didn’t even happen until AFTER WWII, so there’s a bit of an error here.
• Sehr gut: Very good (German)
• Dummkopfs: Idiots, but with incorrect grammar. It should be Dummköpfe. (German)