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Liechtenstein: Big brother…

(Opening)

Switzerland: No…! Why, Liechtenstein?! Why did you cut all of your hair off?!

Liechtenstein: Oh, big brother! There you are! Do you like my hair!

[Liechtenstein and her wonderful big brother -Part 1-]

Liechtenstein: I found it a change…! I think I look very sophisticated!

Switzerland: You cut your hair just like mine! So of course I can’t say it looks bad, but do you want everyone to assume you’re a little boy?! What were you thinking?!

Liechtenstein: I love the way yours looked… I thought it’d be nice on me…

Switzerland: Nn… ah…!! (Gasp #1)
…ok… I guess it does look pretty good…

Liechtenstein: That’s sweet of you…

Japan: Hetalia!

Narrator: Liechtenstein is a small country with a population of 30,000, located between Austria and Switzerland. Her name means “shining stone.” She used to be a princess from Austria and is still one of the richest countries in the world. She lived in Germany’s house for a long time, but became independent when the German Confederation was broken up. These days, she relies completely on Switzerland. Liechtenstein doesn’t have a military and for the most part does whatever Switzerland tells her to do. This is a story about Liechtenstein and her undying love for her wonderful big brother, Switzerland.

[Liechtenstein and her wonderful big brother -Part 2-]

Swiss Lady: Oh… my goodness! Haven’t you got just the cutest little brother!

Switzerland: Ah… this isn’t my little brother…

Liechtenstein: Eh…!!

Swiss Lady: Ah?

Liechtenstein: Eh… neh… eh… neh… n-neh…

Switzerland: …n…

[Ribbons]

Switzerland: Pick whatever color you like…

Italy: Hetalia!

Germany’s thoughts: Why the heck is this guy such a putz…?

Italy: Ah, I ate some really weird British pizza the other day… it kinda tasted like fish and vinegar!

Germany’s thoughts: He’s supposed to be a descendant of mighty Rome, so it’s not a problem with his genetics…

Italy: Look, Germany! Someone’s teaching a lesson!

Professor: The flavonoids in tomatoes cause those who ingest too much to become unnaturally good humored but pathetically weak. However, our latest research has but cracked the surface of this phenomenon.

Italy: That’s funny! That professor doesn’t know it but he just said “butt crack!” Hehehehehehe…

Germany: Now I see…

Germany: Hetalia!

Italy: It’s been so long since I’ve had a big brother to sleep with!

Romano: Yeah, great! Another night of garlic smelling Dutch ovens!

Italy: What’s bugging you…? Japan and Germany never complained about sleeping with me…!

Romano: Tell me right now that you’re through with those two or I’ll keep choking you!!!!
(Italy: AHHHH!!)

Italy: Big brother I can’t breathe!! Big brother I can’t… augh!!!!

Phone: (ringing)

Italy: GERMANYYYY!!! Germany, help!!
Romano: Don’t move!! Not there!!
Italy: Ouch!! It won’t come out!!
Romano: Be gentle…! Ow!!
Italy: OW!! Get it out! TAKE IT OUUUUUT!!!
Romano: Hang up, already!
Italy: OHHH!!

Germany: Nhh…
“Romano’s in bed…?” “It won’t come out!?” “Ow, ow?!” “Take it… out?!”
Hey, Italy…!! Are you ok!? What happened?!

Romano: Augh…

Italy: Oh…! I was waiting for you, Germany!

Germany: So it was just hair…?!

(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)

(Random shots of Austria and Switzerland as children)

Austria: O-ah…!

Switzerland: Ah…

Translations
• German Confederation: From 1815, starting after the Congress of Vienna, to 1866, after the Austro-Prussian War that year. It was mostly made up of the Confederation of the Rhine (former Napoleonic French territory), the Austrian Empire (which Liech was part of), and the Kingdom of Prussia. After its dissolution, it became the North German Confederation (which included Prussia), the Kingdoms of Bavaria and Württemberg, the Grand Duchies of Baden, Hesse, and Luxembourg, and the Principality of Liechtenstein. The Austrian Empire also rose again after the dissolution of the Confederation. Today, Germany is a Federal Republic.
• Flavonoid: This is a secondary metabolite found in tomatoes. It hasn’t yet been proven to affect a person’s mental state, but too much is believed to affect your health. In favor of Italy’s “condition,” flavonoids are also found in black tea and dark chocolate, so if what the professor says is true, Iggy and Switzerland should also be unnaturally good humored and pathetically weak. I don’t see that.