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Germany: Next on the list: A subject for this month’s World W Academy paper. How about
Christmas around the world? That sound fun?

[Christmas at Hetalia Academy]

Italy: Va bene! That sounds super special, guys!

Japan: Your subject is culturally universal!

Italy: It was so fun doing beers of each country last time!

Japan: Germany got a little too involved in that one…

Chibi Germany: *hic*

Germany: Ahem… let’s start, kay? How does Italy spend Christmas?

Italy: It’s so beautiful! We put lights on top of this big mountain! Everybody cooks a huge turkey… and then we give gifts to all the mob bosses we know! And you?

Japan: Me? Not that much…

[Backseat Role]

Thought Bubble Japan: Christmas is a time for battle in shopping mall!

Happy Couple: (laughing)

Japan: Ehehe…

Switzerland: Liar!

Japan: Eh!

Switzerland: Come on, Japan. Tell us what you really think.

Japan: Yes Sir…

Switzerland: Christmas is about family and loving people! Now get bent.

………

Germany: Well… let’s go interview people.

Italy: I’ll go!

Japan: Better take note.

Narrator: Fat Christmas. I mean America.

[Mr. America’s Case]

America: Dude! Christmas rocks! We know how to do it right, here! First we “X” out the “Christ” part to make it extreme! Then we shop and eat stuff ‘til we’re sick! Wanna shovel down some X-mas cake to get in the spirit??
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Axis: (lots of denying)

America: Hetalia!

Narrator: Christmas in Godless Russia.

[Mr. Russia’s Case]

Russia: December 25th is just like any other day at my house, да? (da) Our big winter celebration is called Epiphany! On January 7th, when the Wisemen visited the baby Jesus. But instead of that story we teach kids a version of pagan belief using a guy called Дед Мороз. (Ded Moroz) Or, Father Frost, who performs witchcraft if you make dolls of him!

Italy: Wow, that’s amazing!

Russia: Tradition says that those dolls will start moving after 25 days!

Ded Moroz Doll: ROOOOOAR!

Germany: What the hell?!
Christmas is freaking crazy in Russia…!
(Italy: *scared noises*)

Italy: Please hold meeee!

Russia: Hetalia!

Narrator: Even Godlesser China

[And… Mr. China’s Case]

China: Christmas trees are illegal in my country. It kinda sucks.

Italy: Heh! Just like girls!

China: It’s because they catch fire too easily. The trees, not the girls.

[Christmas] [New Year]

China: We started celebrating Christmas when Hong Kong introduce it. I’m sure it’s a little different from Western Christmas. We do have pizza now…

Japan: I must confess to a love for pizza.

China: Hetalia!

Italy: Phew, I can’t believe Christmas can be celebrated in so many different ways!

Japan: はい! (Hai)

Germany: This is more fascinating than I thought it would be! Next! Herr Francey Pants!

Narrator: Gay Christmas. I mean French.

[Mr. France’s Case]

France: Ah, what? You are saying you want to spend your Christmas with me?

Germany: Hell no.

France: Christmas in France is celebrated with all the romance and péché and mystique
that Germany lacks! And then!

Santa: Ho ho ho!

France: We get Santa Claus drunk on wine and the rest of us join him!

Japan: Your Santa Claus get drunk and drive around giving present to children?

France: Yeah, exactly like my papa used to! Anything else?

Japan: Ah… no.

Italy: Hey, France, if you ever see Santa Claus drunk, can you get us some pictures, pretty please?

Germany: Ok, let’s go. We have one more interview und it’s the most important.

France: Hetalia!

Finland: What? You’re sure it’s fine for me to be the last one?

Narrator: Finnish Christmas. Where’s that?

[Mr. Finland’s Case]

Japan: Your Christmas is the most traditional.

Italy: Tell us about dead drunk Santa scaring all the kids!

[Mr. Santa lives on a mountain between Russia and Finland—]

Finland: Christmas for us is all about being naked in a hot sauna! Families get together and build fires which heat all the rooms and make us sweat a bunch!

Germany: That sounds like a really good idea…!

Finland: And in a pagan twist, we melt tin in the fire, and drop it in the water while old people define fortunes for the New Year!

Germany: Recycling, hey? A good use of natural resources.

Italy: I’ve done that! One time, I re-ate the cat food!

Finland: Hetalia!

Germany: Alright… now we’ll be able to write a newspaper article.

Japan: Oh はい. (Hai)

Italy: Wait! We haven’t asked you about your Christmas, Germany! It’s got to be sparkly!

Germany: Well… it is nice… our Christmas Markets are envied all the world over. And we also eat und get drunk like everybody else…

Italy: Ahhhhh…!

Germany: I… do have one more question for you two…

Italy: Ah?
Japan: Ah…

Germany: It’s just… do you have any plans for Christmas Eve…?

Japan: Ah… well, I’m free!

Italy: Heil Jesus in Deutschland!

Germany: Ah…

Italy: Haaahahahaaa!

Germany: So… it’s the same old group again this year, huh?

Italy: I’m really looking forward to it, ‘cause your present didn’t die this year!

Japan: I sense this is going to be very uncomfortable…

(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)

England: EEEEEEUGH!

Japan: Oh, good. You’re here. I thought I lost you! Tell us all about Christmas in Britain.

England: Eh… uh… uwawawa… uwawawawa…

[End]

Translations
• Va bene: Ok (Italian)
• Big Mountain: Mt. Ingino, in Umbria, Italy. The lights are set out to look like a Christmas tree, dubbed Gubbio’s Albero di Natale, or Gubbio’s Christmas Tree in English (Gubbio is the city). It holds the Guinness World Record for largest Christmas tree since 1991. Weirdly, the only languages you can read the Wikipedia article in are English, Italian, and Swedish.
• Да: Yes (Russian)
• Дед Мороз: Ded Moroz (Russian). Basically the Slavic Santa Claus. A really cute part of this is that he rides around with his granddaughter, Снегурочка, or Snegurochka, known as the Snow Maiden. (Source: Russiapedia! That’s such fun to say!)
• Just like girls: Well… Italy’s either being a perv, or he’s referring to how due to China’s one-child policy (which by the way, only applies from if you aren’t an ethnic minority or if you’re living in an urban area, meaning it actually only applies to 35% of the population), there is a serious lack of girls in China compared to boys. There’s also a depressing amount of girls in orphanages because their parents wanted a boy.
• Herr: Mr. (German)
• Péché: sin (French)
• Papa: Dad (French)
• Heil Jesus in Deutschland: Hail Jesus in Germany (German)