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Woman: Ah?

Japan: Well, since everyone present, I think it only appropriate to start the conference.

???: (running)

England: Nh… Japan… hold on for just a second.

???: (running)

England: It’s just, I can’t shake this feeling that we’re missing someone…
(???: *running*)

America: What do you mean? Can’t you make your imaginary friends appear when you want?

England: Not them; we’re missing one! There should be eight, right!?

Japan: It look like everyone here to me…

Italy: I’m here too!

Germany: The quickest way would be to do a count.

America: America’s here, whiners! Nothing else matters!

England: I’ll do it. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven!

Russia: Isn’t China supposed to be here? Hmhm!

France: No, they are not!

Japan: This remind me of horror movie I saw one time where everybody die at end!

Italy: Uwaaaaa he’s scaring meeee….

Everyone Already There: EHHH!!

Canada: (catching his breath)
I’m so sorry I’m showing up late! I had a crazy morning with the coffee filters plus my alarm didn’t go off so I overslept.

Japan: Great… we have all been waiting for you…

Canada: Swell… I’m glad I haven’t missed anything yet… I was so worried…!

[Who’s this guy?!]

(Opening)

Canada: Mr. Kumakichi…?

[His name is actually Mr. Kumajiro]

Canada: Why doesn’t anybody notice who I am…?

Kumajiro: Who ARE you?

Canada: I’m Canada…

[He can’t remember who his owner is. And his owner doesn’t remember his name.]

Canada: Hetalia!

[Flustered] [Unfriendly]

France: Ohhhh… mon dieu! The threat of totalitarianism crushes my very soul! Why can’t the world not just love? All you need is love!
Ah?

Greece: (digging)

France: Hey there, Greece…! What’s up with the digging? Pirate booty?

Greece: Nh… these are the ruins of Olympia, where they used to hold the sacred sporting festival called the Olympics. This very spot was where the stadium used to stand… it was so important they’d even postpone wars during it… my mother taught me all about it…

France: Ah… wow; as fascinating as that must be to you—
(Greece: It’s freaky…)

France: Euh…

Greece: My mother could have watched these games back in their heyday… in a way… that’s not possible… oh, ah… hey France, want to hear something weird?

France: Huh?

Greece: Women weren’t allowed to enter in the Olympics, and the men had to compete completely naked.

France: What an incredible event!! I wish I could have seen it!!!
I have an idea!! Let’s start having the Olympics again!!!

[Thus, on France’s suggestion, the first modern Olympics were held. The time was April 6th, 1896, and the place was Athens, the birthplace of the Olympics.]

Narrator: Narrator poll! Who here thinks France is going to get naked? I mean, I know they restarted the Olympics in 1896, but why? Sure, they held it in Athens, but nobody got naked.

France: Hetalia!

France’s thoughts: The Olympics! Never before has modern man beheld such a beautiful spectacle! The robust male form in all its prime, crashing into me, France. Yesss!!

England: AHHHHHHHH!!!!! You forgot… to clothe yourself! Nhhhnhhhhnhhhhh…

France: Quoi… oh, Britain! You need to get into the spirit of things! This is the Olympics! You’re still so stuck in your Victorian heritage…

England: Hwuaaaaa….

France: Take off your silly clothes. Or I’ll have to take them off for you!

England: Waaa! Unhand me right now…!!! I will not lay back and let you defile me, you smelly French paint dogger!!

France: Oh honhon! Looks like Big Ben is a Small Sam today! Uh…
(England: UWAWAWAWAWA WAA!! Ah ah…)

Switzerland: You should know better than to force a Brit into nudity.

[In the ancient Olympics, all the participants were naked. By the way, it is said that the reason for this was so they wouldn’t cheat. Also, around that time in Greece, people embraced men being naked.]

Narrator: I’m almost certain this would be a good idea nowadays. Think about it; naked men fighting, wrestling, hocking—
[Indeed!]
Narrator: —ok, maybe not hocking, but for all its power, the male form is rendered kinda silly when naked. Especially naked throwing a javelin…

France: I am just trying to recreate the spirit of ancient Greece…!

Police Officer: Put a sock in it, Froggy.

(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)

[Cuba]

Cuba: American pig man! I’m going to beat your head ‘til I feel better!
(Canada: Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Maple hockey!)

Canada: What are you doing?! What makes you think that I’m America?!

Cuba: ‘Cause I can smell the hamburgers and arrogance all the way over here, man.

Canada: Look I’m Canada; you can tell by the flag on my backpack, my cheap prescriptions, and my lack of gun crime! So stop calling me America or I’ll kindly request a second time that you cease!

Cuba: Oh, so you’re America’s little wimping boy, huh?

Canada: I’m Canada!! AHHHH!!!

Children: To be continued!

Translations
• Short G8 history: The G8 started in 1975 as the G6. The members were America, Iggy, France (who held the meeting), Italy, Japan, and West Germany. The next year, Canada joined and it became the G7. In 1998, Russia was added to the group, making it the G8. The G8 is basically a group of the wealthiest developed countries, which is why China can’t be there, since it seems that having most of your population live in poverty under a totalitarian government doesn’t fit their standards of developed. However, Iggy and France have both suggested inviting China, along with Brazil, Mexico, India, and South Africa. Those five get to sit in as guests sometimes and it’s known as the G8+5. Also, the European Union can’t have a technical seat really, but they get to be represented since it’s like most of Europe. Just this year (2014), Russia was temporarily suspended from the G8, due to the annexation of Crimea. To fill in for Russia, Belgium (EU) got to host the meeting in June, 2014.
• Mon Dieu: My God (French)
• France’s rant on totalitarianism: Totalitarianism wasn’t technically a concept until Italy thought it up in 1923 (yeah. ITALY.) so I’m going to assume he meant Authoritarianism in general. Many Slavic rulers and Russian Tsars were considered autocrats, which are basically like emperors, so I’m assuming the Ottomans, all the random African empires, and Austria-Hungary can be lumped in there too. Also during that time, Latin America was pretty much completely run by dictators. Not to mention much of Europe was still monarchies, even if that’s not really totalitarianism. The French Republic must have been a little out of place as a democracy bordered by the Principality of Andorra, Kingdom of Belgium, German Empire, Kingdom of Italy, Great Duchy of Luxembourg, Principality of Monaco, Kingdom of Spain, and United Kingdom. Switzerland was already a confederation, but he never really counts in anything since he’s so grumpy and isolated.
• Quoi: What (French)
• Victorian heritage: In Victorian times, it was the style to be covered from head to toe. Modesty and huge skirts were very fashionable. Along with not eating onions in public.
• Dogger: One who likes to have sex in public (British slang)