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Japan: Germany… I was cleaning up my dolphin stew mess when I found this.

Germany: Ah… ngh…

(Opening)

Germany: Well, who knew flipper would taste so gamey… ah, don’t bother cleaning up… you are a guest here in my home, Japan.

Japan: はい! (hai) I am demonstrate appreciation! Now read this letter, ok?! I tried to read it first, but I cannot make out the crap scribble.

Germany: Hm…?

Germany’s Voice: Dear Germany. It’s your friend, Italy. I had a really scary dream last night und I don’t want it to come true. I dreamt you stopped being my BFF because
Germany’s voice fades into Italy’s: Russia was cooler and less like…
Italy’s voice: well… me! Your Friend Forever. Italy Veneziano. PS—Those sausages you left outside taste really bad.

Germany: Ah… it’s from Italy and he’s freaking out.

Japan: Italy… is literate?!
Uh… we already ate; what are you cooking now?

Germany: Oh, I’m making wurst. I wanted something for desset.

[Wurst: A German sausage. It is said that originally this was made by nomads in northwestern China and then was brought to Europe.] (they told us this in episode 1, though…)

Germany: Hetalia!

Germany: Ah, hello… I-Italy?

Italy: Ah!!

Germany: I wanted to speak with you for… one minute if uh… that is ok…
(Italy: Uh uh uh uh uh….)

Italy: Ah! Germany! How are you!! I’m good thanks! Oh, you didn’t ask, did you…! I feel stupid now… you know like when you tell a weird (keeps talking, but I can’t make it out)

Germany: Um… I just want to say… Russia will not be interfering with our friendship. So we can be best friends forever…

Italy: Ah…!

Germany: Nghhhh… nh… ngh…

Italy: Wow! How cool! I didn’t know that you were telepathetic!

Germany: Ja… that, und I read idiot. Anyway, I will swear this oath to you if you would like…

Italy: You mind reader! That’s awesome, but I’m kind of embarrassed because of what I’m thinking about right now…

Germany: I don’t care what you’re thinking! Do you want me to make this oath or not?

Italy: Yeah! Pinky swear!

Germany: Ja…

Italy: Germany? Where did pinky swear come from?

Germany: Japan… never ask him to elephant swear…

Italy: Hetalia!

Germany: Italy… you need to know things won’t be as safe for you from now on... we should make some sort of agreement, I think… if you’re ever in danger, let me know… I’ll be there no matter what. You’re my friend, and I will not fail you. Und, when I’m in trouble, you must be there to rescue me too. Although I won’t get my hopes up…

Italy: Wa…!

Italy’s thoughts: Germany and I have an agreement; fun!

Germany: Oh, I almost forgot.

Italy: Oh? Thanks! What’s this!
Nom! Nom nom nom…

Germany: How is it?

Italy: Outside, it doesn’t taste like death as much!

[He cooked the best sausage he had.]

[May 22, 1939: German-Italian Military Alliance Pact of Steel signed]

Canada: Hetalia!

Japan: All of the members of G8 are now here; shall we get started?

England: Um… considering what happened last time, I’d like to make sure no one’s missing.
Something is not quite right… Canada, are you here?

Canada(?): Yep, I’m here!

Japan: Everyone is here; let us start!

Italy: I’m here, I’m here!

Germany: I’m present as well.

Russia: What about China? I think it’s most definitely China~ ufufufufu~

England: It’s not China, Russia, you just want it to be!

America: Hahahahaha! Dude, Britain, I’m starving, bro!

France: I’ll make us a most delightful lunch!

England: Shut up!!

America: Yo! You called a false alarm again! You’re like the boy who cried wolf or… something.

England: Oh… yeah, I guess you’re right…

Canada (Sealand): Sure he’s right, you British jerk of jerks!

England: I was right; it’s Sealand!!
(Sealand: UWAAAAA!)

Sealand: How did you figure it out; I curled my hair and everything!!

England: Nh!
(Sealand: Ah!)

[Yank]

Sealand: That stung, you bully! And not only was it unnecessary, it was quite rude.

England: Why don’t you just go home and watch anime…

America: Hahaha!

England: America… I’m trying to lecture here…

Japan: Oh no… I am suddenly concerned for Canada’s safety…

Russia: Yeah… I’m concerned too!
(Canada: Ah… ah…..ah ah…..)

[Squeeze…]

Canada: Maple le-e-e-eaf…

(Marukaite Chikyuu: Germany)

Finland: (crying)
Seriously you guys, this isn’t funny anymore! (sobsob) It’s so mean and cruel and stupid!!

[To be continued]

Translations
• Pinky Swear: The pinky swear is said to have originated from Japan’s 指切り (yubikiri, or pinky cut off), symbolizing a promise. It also probably related to the Japanese myth that soul mates are connected by an invisible red thread attached to their pinkies. Apparently, also, originally, the breaker of the promise had to cut of his or her finger, so yeah… there’s an American poem (we’ve had pinky swears in America since 1860) that goes “Pinky, pinky bow-bell/Whoever tells a lie/Will sink down to the bad place/And never rise up again.” That’s so cheerful. In China, it’s called 勾小指 (gōu xiǎozhǐ), and since everything came from China, it’s possible that he introduced it to Japan. Japan’s pretty much the one who made it big, though.
• Elephant Swear: From what various internet sources have said, it’s pinky swearing, but instead of your pinky you use your weiny weiner things.