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Description
Germany: Hey, Italy! You’re going to be late for morning training!

Italy: (Sleeping)

Germany: I once killed a man in his sleep with his own mustache and a grape.

Italy: Ah!! Fine, I’m up, I’m up!

Germany: Hetalia!

Germany: Italy! You are late again today!

Italy: (sleeping not very soundly)

Germany: Hmmm… well, you do feel a little warm…

Italy: Achoo!

(Opening)

America: Japan… do you wanna watch a video with me? It’s really short…!

Japan: It’s not another scary movie, is it…?

[Scary]

America: So freaking scary! There’s no way I’m watching it alone!
(Tony: Wawawawawawawawawawa)

Japan: Ah…

[Ghosts in America]

America: Thanks a bunch… with you and Mr. Pillow, it’s only half as scary…!

Japan: You don’t have to watch it at all, you know…

America: Say that again and I’ll kill you…
Ok…. Let’s watch it…

Japan’s thoughts: It is rare to see America reduced to such insecurity… this movie must be true terror…

Movie Narrator: Good evening. Welcome, my little lambs, through the forbidden door into Hell! I’ll be your demonic guide for this evening! The horrors you are about to witness will burn your brain ‘til damnation day! I hope you enjoy your stay; mwahahahahahahaha!
(America: Uwawawawawawawawawa!)

Movie Narrator: Well then, why don’t I give you your first taste of the darkness that awaits you. Do you see that rather handsome cowboy in the picture here? Your minds can’t grasp the horror staring you in the face! This picture captured a portal to the other side. Do you see it? It’s hard to have your picture taken when you’ve… been dead for a hundred years mwahahahaha!

Japan: So dumb… aha…

America: Ahhhhhhh real life ghosts in a picture; that’s freaking brutal! Make it stop!!! Uwawawawawawawa!!!! Please tell me he’s just making it up; there’s no way that’s a real ghost! I’m just gonna have to pretend that didn’t happen!! Rock-a-by baby on the tree top!! When the wind blows, the cradle will rock!!
(Japan: Ah… ah…)

America: I’m scared!! Turn it off!! Hold me!! Ghosts are scary; that was a bad idea!! Bad VCR, bad! I’m gonna pee my pants! This is so scary!! Haaaaaaa!!!!
(Tony and Whale: *tremble*)

Japan: Now, America… try to calm down and look at this next scene; it’s not so bad…!

America: There’s two ghosts in that one, so it’s twice as scary!! Ah!!

Japan: Take the time to examine it closer! Stare deep into those pools of blue nothing.

America: I’m scared…!

Japan: You will soon realize… hn… there is nothing to be afraid of.

America: What the hell is wrong with you?!

America: Hetalia!

America: Oh… thank God… it’s over! I almost wet my pants!

Japan: That’s gross.

Japan’s thoughts: Why did you watch it?

America: Boy, that was scary… but I’m tough, and watched it all the way through!

Japan’s thoughts: Why did you watch it?! You didn’t have to watch it…! Who am I talking to?

America: Guess what, Japan! I need help with this chick, Bloody Mary!
(Tony: *tremble*)

Japan: Screw you. No way!

America: Come on, pussy!

Japan: Mr. America! You cannot go through life scared by stuff you see on television! Now I’m giving you these horror video games so you can get used to scary stuff!

America: (relieved sigh) I can’t be scared, ‘cause games are about death and winning, and I’m America! Right on! Wanna play?
Uhh…

[The next day…]

Japan: America…? Are you ok? How did you do with the video games? I hope you weren’t attacked by any of the real spirits that can come from them…

America: (creepy voice!) Hhh…Hello… Japan!

Japan: Uwaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

America: Ahahahahaha! Dude, I totally got you! You afraid of a little boo-berry makeup? Ahahahaha!

Japan: Ah!! Tell me that monster didn’t really get you…!

America: No way; those games were totally fun! And! That monster was cute!
(Japan: Uh…?)

Japan: What do you mean, “cute…”

America: Oh, man… You’re such a wuss… that’s funny! Ahahahahahahahaha!
(Japan: Eh…. Ehh…)

Japan: (uneasy sigh)

Narrator: And so, another triumph of cross-cultural celebration with America in the driver’s seat. USA!

(Marukaite Chikyuu: America)

Translations
• America’s Situation with Ghosts: (Hee hee, that’s the title of the strip it was adapted from) According to the original comic strip, 23% of Americans have seen or believe to have seen a ghost. We are a bit obsessed with ghosts, I have to say; ghost tours are common and there are special cameras specifically made to catch ghosts on film (I say “film” because that’s what it was. I never gave it much thought, but since the film was included, the ghosts were probably already on the film too.) Himaruya also states that scary American TV shows are really bad, and that what foreigners found normal the Americans found scary, and vice versa. He says that the American ghosts also weren’t even transparent sometimes, so “It’s like Americans show off even after they die.”
• Bloody Mary: The real woman was Mary I, Queen of England between Edward VI and Elizabeth I. She was well known for killing Protestants, hence gaining her nickname. The historical Bloody Mary ritual consisted of walking down a flight of stairs backwards, holding a candle and a mirror, in a darkened house. Apparently you were supposed to either see your future husband or a skull in the mirror, with the skull symbolizing death before marriage. Nowadays, there’s the whole chanting her name in a mirror in a dimly lit room and she’ll appear before the person. With a candle. There’s always a candle. Gosh, the people before electricity must have been so haunted. Apparently the way she appears differs so much that she may be friendly or evil, and be a ghost, witch, or corpse, and may or may not be covered in blood. And then she’ll apparently scream at, curse, steal the soul of, drink the blood of, etc., the person who summoned her. Japan has a similar version called Hanako-san.
• Japan’s Video Games: The first one is Siren, a videogame for the PS2 and PS3. It’s kind of hard to explain, but basically, the village of Hanuda is thrown into chaos when an interrupted ritual and an earthquake lead to everyone but 10 survivors becoming shibito, or corpse people. The game gained a sequel and a film adaption. The second one is a bit harder, as it’s for Japan only, and doesn’t even work on the American Playstation. You need a NTSC-J console. I don’t know much about it, but it’s called “Daiobake Yashiki ~Hamamura Jun no Jitsuwa Kaidan~,” or “The Great Haunted House ~Jun Hamamura’s True Ghost Stories~.” Jun Hamamura was an actor. I’m assuming he’s the person in the visuals, as they seem to be real people (especially since this is the PS1.)
• New Note on The True Story Ghost Stories!: Ok! So first of all, the usual word for "haunted house" in Japanese is "yuurei yashiki," but "obake" is a term referring to a shapeshifting youkai, very much setting the story in Japan (obake is usually just translated as "ghost" due to the lack of a true equivalent in English, and both daiyuurei yashiki and daiobake yashiki are written 大幽霊屋敷). GHH ~JHTGS~ is a sound novel game, where ghost stories are read to you and throughout the story you make choices. Poor choices lead to the story forcibly ending prematurely. There are audio and textual ghost stories, and (idk if all or only some) textual stories are unlocked through playing a mini game involving timed button presses. It seems the Haunted House is looking for a new part-time employee for a summer job for some reason and you want it for some reason. Also apparently Jun Hamamura had been dead for 3 years when the game came out? The game's entire existence is kind of scary in itself, and there's absolutely no info on it in English. If any of this is wrong, please let me know. (Actually even the name I'm not 100% sure about, the only form of it in English I can find is on Ebay, so I translated it best I could in a way that makes sense. The game is 大幽霊屋敷〜浜村淳の実話怪談〜)