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Iceland: Oh skít… what the cripes! I don’t get hardly any tourists anymore. I don’t care what it takes! I gotta get popular again, like, real quick.
Hæ. Nice to meet you; I’m Iceland, a new character. Ah…

Iceland: Hetalia! Hetalia! Hetalia!

Woman: (panting and running)

Pictonians: (blublublublublub)

Woman: Ah…! Ah!! Please, somebody help me!!! (crying)
Ah…!!

Police Officer Pictonian: (blublub… blub… blub…)

Woman: Ah… ah!

Pictonians: (blublublublublublub…)

Woman: Ah… ohh… uwaa…

Woman Pictonian: (blub)

Pictonians: (blub!)

[DEU] [USA] [GRB]
[FRA] [RUS] [CHN]
[ITA] [JPN] [CAN]

America: Dudes, this is an emergency! As the paper thing in front of you with those crazy drawings that are supposedly words says, a majority of humanity-
(Russia: Hm?) (China: *yawn*)
America: -has been turned into noppera-bō ghosty blobs-
(England: Nn…)
America: -by the freaky beam of light-
(France: Chu!) (Maid: Ah… heehee!)
America: -other noppera-bō, or bow, or bahh-I don’t really know how to say it. Tony, my righteous alien dude friend, told me they’re Pictonians from the planet Picto. For real, dudes; Picto’s in like way far outer space.

[TOP SECRET: . . .some. . .emerging in. . .parts of the world. According to information from Tony “PICTO” their name. They arrived there in the universe from “PICTO PLANET” calld. The planets must features a white body. No face. People exposed to light the give off is body haer and clothes are gone. They will also look more like white. . .people, buildings. . .white as. . .]

England: Your brain’s in way far outer space!!

America: Dude, they’re born looking like noppera and they want everyone else to look just like them; that’s what they’re doing! Hello?!
(Germany: Nh…) (Japan: Ah…) (Italy: A little smile for you!)

America: Listen up! We can’t let these noppera dudes make Earth all freaky and boringly white, right?! This is wack! We’ve gotta stop these dudes!! Who’s with me?! Also, what’s a noppera?

Japan: Oh, yes… I know what they are…!

America: Huh?

France and England: Hm?

Japan: It is a Japanese monster without a nose, eyes, or a mouth. Its proper name is a “noppera-bō,” ok?

England: Wait a tick. Are you trying to say this is all your fault, Japan?!

Japan: No, I was simply explaining what noppera means; no more, no less!

China: Why the hell do I have to be turned into noppera because of stupid Japan and scary story.

Japan: It’s not my fault…!!

America: Focus, countries! Japan may have screwed things up, but we still have time to fix it! Now! Your ideas will all suck, so listen to me! We’ll combine all of our military strength! I’ll be in command, so you can all wear the colors of my flag! All heroes wear red, white, and blue!

Italy: I think we should gather under the white flag! Eh… eheh…

England: Why in God’s name would we put you in charge?!

America: Duh! I’m the hero; everybody knows that!

England: I beg to differ.

France: Everyone knows I’ve got the biggest-

England: Nobody asked you, cheesy monkey!

France: Shut up, black sheep of Europe! Eh!

England: I told you not to call me that!

China: (sigh)… they never stop that…

Italy: White flags!! Come on! I made a whole lot of them! See?! We could each wave our very own!

Japan: Uwaa!

America: So, you think I’m right, right?

Japan: Uh, well… this is why I sense the mood and refrain from speaking.

America: Russia!
(Russia: Eh?)
America: What are you gonna do, dude?

Russia: I’m going to do fighting!

America: Rock out, my dog, I’ve got the perfect job for you to have, then! Backup sidekick!

Russia: What?!

America: Yeah, every superhero needs a sidekick! I should know; I am the hero! They even make big budget Hollywood crazy good movies about it!

England: We also have top-notch productions in the UK!
(America: Huh?) (Russia: Hm?)

France: Um, time traveling phone booths can only go so far.
(England: Ah…)

England: Shut it, Pepe le Pew! Just because you invented movie-making doesn’t mean you’re any good at it! All your films are good for is putting me to sleep!

China: I’ll have you know, my movies have been very popular lately.
(America and Russia: Hm?) (England and France: Rgh… rgh rgh…. Rgh…)

America: Dude, you can’t compete with Michael Bay sequels.

China: That attitude is why I restrict your film!!

Japan: Mine are more quietly artistic with cultural storytelling.

Italy: My movies are the most fun ones if you want to ask me!

(Everyone Besides Germany: *all chattering, fighting, and laughing, but I can’t make it out*)
Germany: Rh…. Ghhh…. G-GHHHHH…. That is enough!!! While you sit here, arguing about nothing, more of mankind are being turned into those noppera, or Pictonians, or whatever they’re called! Now listen! If we are turned into those things, that would mean we lose our faces, so we won’t be able to recognize any one of us from the other! Think about it you dummkopfs!!!

France: I will never accept your (something something)

England: Argh….. you feel like a horse’s ass! (something something)

America: Hahaha! No need to argue! ‘Cause I’m right!

Russia: I know my ideas are best because otherwise I’d kill them!

China: I’m only allowed to hear my own thoughts, and those are the ones I like.

Everyone besides Germany: (More chatter and stuff. England says something about France having a horse in his soul)

Germany: ….g….ghh… (sigh) alright, then. I’m done here.

England and France: Eh…

Germany: I don’t know why I even thought we could have a simple discussion. That’s not how we work, is it. What a waste. This entire meeting has been pointless. I will do what I have to do, and you do what you have to.
(Everyone besides Germany and France: Ah…) (France: Ah?)

Russia: That’s exactly what I was going to say!

China: There’s too much fighting together to figure out if we should fight together anyway.

France: I am far too gorgeous to have been in such a stuffy room for so long.

England: “I’m far too gorgeous to-” shut up, France!!

America: Hahaha! I was just trying to help! I don’t need you guys; I’m the hero!

Japan: My belly… it hurts…

Italy: Ah!! Hey, wait up, you guys! Come on, don’t leave me in here by myself!!

Canada: I’m still here…! And I hate to complain, but nobody even bothered to ask my opinion.

Kumajiro: Who are you?

Canada: I’m Canada!

(Opening)

Translations
• Skít: shit (Icelandic)
• Iceland needs more tourists!: Not sure what he’s talking about. Iceland’s tourism industry has been steadily growing for the past 24 years. Every year since 2000, Iceland has received more tourists than his entire population. And in 2009, tourism was only 5.9% of his GDP. Assuming this movie took place in the present (it was made in 2010), Ice really doesn’t need to be more popular than he already is.
Edit: Apparently, after Eyjafjallajökull erupted, he received a boom in tourism due to the drop in airfare prices and the appeal of having an erupting volcano right there, but after it went dormant in late 2010, the amount of tourists dropped.
• Hæ: Hi (Icelandic). In Norwegian, it means “Huh?”
• Noppera-bō: Faceless Japanese monsters, like Japan mentions. Actually, the only thing they seem to ever do is scare people by assuming fake faces and then wiping them off when they least expect it. Seriously. Besides that, they’re like totally harmless.
• France has the biggest: Well, according to Google auto complete, he has the largest black population and the largest Muslim population in Europe. He also has the biggest wine production (currently America may have beaten him), and the largest electric vehicle market. And the largest source of immigration to Israel, and the “Largest Swing in All of Europe Against the EU Commission and its Socialist Agenda.” Apparently, he’s tired of having to do what other people say.
• Time traveling phone booths: Dr. Who reference, anyone?
• Pepe le Pew: Looney Tunes reference, anyone?
• France invented movie-making: In the 1870s, Eadweard Muybridge of France created the first animated image sequences photographed in real-time. Full-fledged motion cameras came out by the end of the 1880s. If I remember correctly, the first movie at a cinema was a two hour long show of a train coming towards you.
• Michael Bay: An American director. Some of his movies include Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, and the Transformers series. Personally, I feel his movies consist of too much random fighting and explosions. Oh, and he co-owns Platinum Dunes, which makes horror stuff.
• China’s restrictions: Apparently, for a foreign movie to be shown in China is has to be deemed appropriate for all audiences, since he has no motion picture rating system. He’ll cut out or edit scenes he doesn’t want the public seeing. Also, the album “Communist China,” by the British punk rock group “Japan,” is banned. There are more banned albums, of course, but I found that one funny.
• Dummkopfs: Grammatically incorrect plural for “dummkopf,” which means idiot (German)