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Narrator: In 1967, Sealand decided to become a country by running around saying, "I'm a country! I'm a country!" but nobody else was buying it because they all thought he was too small. Then there was the whole "oh crap my country is on fire" thing, so in 2007, they decided to sell themselves and possibly open an online casino. Will Sealand's dream of online riches be able to buy him friends? Works for me!

[Principality of Sealand for Sale for 65 Million Pounds?!]

[Keep moving forward! Sealand!!]

(Opening)

[Sealand]

Sealand: So, Iceland is being auctioned off on eBay?!

[Iceland]

Sealand: Wow! Finally there's someone out there who's as bad off as I am, haha!

[On top of that, the bidding started at 170 yen!! (99 pence)]

Sealand: I'm Sealand, and because I'm also wicked popular right now, that makes me the boss of you so let's be friends!

Iceland: Who are you? "Sealand"?

Sealand: That's right, Icey. You got Sealand in the hizzy. See, since you and I are both broke, but I'm more experienced since I've been broke for like, WAY longer than you, hehehehe, you can be my friend. And I'll tell you what to do, when and how to think, and you can rub my back while I eat chick peas.

Iceland: What? Have you gone insane?

Sealand: Ahahahaha! Hahahaha! Heehahahaha!
WAAAH (AAAH) (AHHHH)!!!!!!

Latvia: Please, calm down, Sealand! You are hurting my ears!

Much Sealand: WAAHHHH!

Sealand: Hetalia!

England: Damn you stupid macaroni brothers!!!!! Raaagh! You can't keep me locked up like this; I'm an Englishman! You'd better let me out right now or I swear I'll produce documentaries for your stupid radios! Do you hear me?! Documentaries! How 'bout one on driving?! (keeps ranting)

Romano: You're the one who caught him, dumbass, so you're going to be the one who gets to take care of him!

Italy: No! There's no way I can do it alone; you have to help me!

[Cannot get out of Italy]

England: Rah… nngh… ahgkh… (dig dig)

Romano: You are so stupid! Next time you want to catch someone, make sure you actually WANT to, buttcrotch!

Italy: What was I supposed to do?! He was trapped in a hole someone dug in front of my house! That's the only way I could ever win a fair fight!

England: (dig dig)

Romano: You listen to me, little brother! Next time you find Britain trapped somewhere and bring him home, I'm going to make you eat meat pudding.

Italy: Ahh! No please don't; I had that stuff once and it made my feet smell because I threw up all over them! I won't do it again!!

Romano: Never again, huh?! I'm going to give you ten seconds to say, "I won't do it again"nnwaaaughh…!

Italy: Hey now, don't cry!!

Romano: I'm naauauahguaoooou….!!

England: Haha! Sweet freedom is in my arms. I may have been caught with my pants down today, but no mere jail cell is a match for the intelligence of a British officer. I'm so hot I could kiss myself.
(Romano: Waaaaauuuughghhhh!)

England: Ah… ah.

[Exhausted from crying]
[Do not touch]
[Britain's belongings]

Italy: Eeeuuuhhhhh…
Romano: Nnnnnnnrrrhhhhh…

England: Just incredible. I've heard of being careless, but this deserves some kind of award. But they do look rather adorable when they're both sound asleep like that, though.
Glad I brought along these clothes. One should always be prepared for anything. That'll do it. Now I can just blend in with the crowd. Disappear like a thief in the night and leave this wretched place.

[Crude crude crude crude crude crude crude crude…]

England's thoughts: I say! I've never broken out of jail this easily before! Mhmhmhm!

England: Buhh!!

Germany: I've got you! I don't think you're supposed to be here!!
(England: AAAAHHH!)

England: HELP!!

Germany: Seriously, I caught him a couple of blocks away from here. Are you guys sure you're ok?
(England: Uwawawa…)

Romano: Oh, thanks a million, why not next time just stab me in the chest with a spatula!!

England: Oh, poo!! Dhhhhnrrrgh…

Narrator: They say that British soldiers who escaped in Italy were easy to spot, probably because they weren't Italian, and they didn't speak Italian. Also they didn't smell like garlic.

England: Hetalia!

France: I recommend we take a break from our usual strategy meeting for a while. There's an issue that we need to resolve. I'm afraid it's sitting right in this room like a pile of stinky poopoo.

England: Zzzzz…

France: Who wants to wake up Mr. "I'm so superior than all of you" so we don't have him snoring through this meeting? He sleeps like a baby and I'm up all night terrified Germany's going to crawl in my bed and try to love me!

China: This acupressure point will make him urinate so he'll wake up.

Russia: Perhaps we need to apply a little more of the pressure!

China: A pickaxe is not approved for any medical treatment! But if you insist, I won't stop you.

America: Ahahaha! I just say we let him sleep right through the whole meeting! Then some of us can be right for a change!

England: What's the matter?

America: Hm?

(Young America: Wah! Wah!)
England: Ah, did you wet the bed again? Ameri-kkghugh!

America: Dude. You should not fall asleep in the middle of a meeting!

England: Aaaagh!

America: Ahahahahahaaaaaa!

(Hatafutte parade, zooms on China)

Translations
• Fire of Sealand: On June 23rd, 2006, a large fire swept through Sealand after a generator ignited. The one person there at the time was the security guard, who was evacuated by rescue forces. There was a question of "a country needs a permanent population, so now that it's been completely evacuated won't Britain try to reclaim it?" that was presented, but Sealand's response was basically "lmao bro they won't bother with that." Also, it's debated whether foul play was involved in the fire, but raiders have attacked the fort before.
• Sealand for Sale: So Sealand's dreams of data haven and pirate radio didn't really work out, and he found himself listed for sale on ImmoNaranja with a price of over $900 million. Well, it said "not for sale, but yes to transfer" and I don't really know what that means. The sale was also largely in part to the age of Sealand's founder, Paddy Roy Bates. Eventually, the Pirate Bay, a Swedish file-sharing website, attempted to buy the principality to set up a bit torrent tracker outside of national jurisdiction.
• Iceland for Sale: Remember 2008, when Iceland's financial situation was so bad that the entire country declared bankruptcy and basically asked everyone they knew to help bail them out? Well, during that time, Iceland was anonymously listed on eBay for a starting price of 99 pence (which quickly reached £20 million). Bjork was not included in the purchase, unfortunately. Of course, the auction was shut down, as Iceland was not supposed to be for sale in the first place.
• Britain will produce documentaries: From 1938, Britain sent broadcasts from BBC to German-dominated continental Europe. Basically, BBC began broadcasting in Italian (which Italy itself may have suggested) following the transfer of Sudetenland to German. It was propaganda masked as independent journalism, using its serene nature to contrast fascist propaganda and sending special messages to resistance groups. Britain actually used radio frequently in its war efforts, and while it would be problematic for the Italy brothers as active members of the Axis Powers, the Italian population grew pretty fond of the show.
As for documentaries, Britain does indeed have radio documentaries, but. I don't really know if that's a separate reference.
• Britannia Escape!: Prison escapes were a relatively common and highly romanticized feat among Allied forces during WWII. A really famous Italian one took place at Vincigliata Castle in Tuscany, where the British officers took shifts digging a tunnel, managing to avoid detection and escaping in March 1943. Several of them were caught in other areas of Italy following the escape, but a few did manage to cross into Switzerland. A few more successful escapes were there, as well as other places such as Laterina.
• Britain is not Italian: Like I said before, recapture was not entirely uncommon either. The language barrier, clothes, ID documents, housing, and sheer ignorance of local customs gave them away pretty quickly, and patrols or civilians would report them. Of course, this was common between all cultures, and not limited to British escapees from Italy.