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Chibitalia: Wheeee!

Spain: (sigh) Italy, why are you so cute? Maybe you could teach Romano to be a little less… mean.

(Opening)

[Economics Newspaper]

France: Ugh, this economy can bite my derrière!
(England: Aahahahahaha! Hahahahaha…!)
France: It’s bad enough I have jerk Britain laughing at me all the time without suffering these little animated insert thingies!
Sometimes I wish I could be you, Switzerland. All you do is hide the corrupt games of the financial elite.

Switzerland: You have farmland, so you don’t have to sell your soul to Satan! You’re the lucky one. When I was young, nothing would grow in my country so laundering foreign money was the only way for me to make a decent living. Oh, sure, there were jobs, but mercenary work sucks. I didn’t want to become the dumping ground for Nazi gold and Iraqi reconstruction money, but without any real skills I had to start a bank! Even so, I wouldn’t trade those centuries of hardship ‘cause they made me the man I am today!
(France: Wow!)

France: This whole banking thing sounds like an excellent idea for me!

Switzerland: Hey! You interrupted me before I got to sing my fancy-dancey song!

Switzerland: Hetalia!

[French Bank]

France: Check it out! It looks kind of like a church, am I right?

Switzerland: What?! You mean this is really your bank?

France: Oui, but of course! America taught me how to print slash steal with computers!

[Super Computer]

France: And we own the police force so we’ll never get caught! Regular people are just happy to have a job with a sweet uniform so they don’t ever complain! I made it look so gorgeous on the outside because I think of a bank should make you feel rich!

[Smirk smirk]

France: See, that way people don’t notice when we start taking all their money away! Creating a central bank is a lot like the putting on of a play—smoke and mirrors do all the work.

Switzerland: Yeah, I know.

French Banker: Sir, it’s terrible! All of the bank employees have decided to go on strike!

France: Aw.
Switzerland: Ah…

France: Hetalia!

[Because
I like strikes]

Narrator: Strikes happen so often in France, they’ve practically made it their national pastime.

Japan: Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left… ah!!

[Strike]

Narrator: Famous art museums can get closed down by strikes.

Japan: Ah!

Narrator: Luckily art is boring so you decide to go somewhere else. Unfortunately, the busses and trains are on strike too.
(Japan: Ah!! … Ah!!)

[Strike] [Strike]

Narrator: You drag your butt back to your hotel just in time for a service worker strike.

[ike] [Strike] [Str]

Japan: (Sigh)

Narrator: You rent a room from a one-armed clown—Power strike! Clowns are scary.
(Japan: Ahhh!)
(Clown: Hehehe)

[Public Organization]
[On Strike]

Narrator: Whole buildings can go on strike and disappear without warning. Ooh! Until all you’re left with is a teapot and a magic floating faucet, who also go on strike. Ooh la la! Haha! Ok, I might have made up some of that last part but there are a lot of strikes in France. They even have a strike calendar to help you plan accordingly! But you can never tell when some over-zealous government authority is gonna spark a weeks-long riot in the Paris suburbs. So you do have to be ready for anything.
(France: Je m'appelle {idk what he says but it’s pretty much random French} pamplemousse {more random French that has nothing to do with a strike})
(Japan: Ah…)

[Strike] [Public Organization]
[Travel Agencies]
[Art Museums]
[Schools]
[Bus and Subways]
[Banks]

France: Strike strike strike strike striiiike!

Chibiromano: Spain the boss and Chibiromano!

[Boss Spain and Chibiromano]

Spain: Hey! How’s it going, Italy?

Chibitalia: ¡Hola, hermano España!

Spain: Would you like to try one of my tasty ripe tomatoes?
(Chibitalia: Ahh…)

Chibitalia: You brought one here just-a for me! I sure would!
Nomnomnomnom…
‘maters are good because they’re rich in carotenoids and lycopene!

Spain: Easy there you little dictionary brain guy!
Oh, Italia. You’re cute, cuddly, and muy inteligente.
Romano! I’m home! Did you finish up all of your chores?

Romano: (snoooore)

[Clutter]

Spain: ¡Jesús! You bum! ¡¿Que haciendo?! I try to give you every possible chance to prove yourself to me but all you do is get me upset and hurt my feelings (alone?)! Now I’m going to cry! (cry) Parenting is really hard.

Romano: Ah…

Spain: (cry)

Romano: Nomnomnomnom…

Spain: Ok! How about I read to you from the historical compendium on tomatoes?

Narrator: How about you let a girl make a dollar? Spain brought tomatoes to Europe from North America and influenced Italian cuisine when they ruled over them. Cue Romano!

Romano: Nomnom…

Narrator: Spaniards are crazy for this fruit—yes it’s a fruit. Google Spain and tomatoes to see for yourself.

(Hatafutte Parade, zooms on Italy)

Germany: A…a…

Chibitalia: Waaa~

Germany: Who are you?

Chibitalia: I’m-a your worst nightmare!

[To be continued]

Children: To be continued!

Translation Notes

• Derrière: Butt, behind, bum, etc. (French)
(Fun fact! Post- is a root word meaning “after,” so it you see an unfamiliar word that starts with “post,” except things that relate to mail like post office and postal, it probably means something is occurring after something else! Actually idk how fun that is, but it’s a fact. I almost had to delete this but I was on Latin instead of English so it said "Post" instead of "Behind" thank you Latin)
• Switzerland had no farmland, so Satan owns his soul: About 60% of Switzerland is mountainous, which is great for defense, but not so great if you want to grow a turnip. So Switzerland had to find other ways to make money so he could get food from elsewhere. Mercenary work (in which an unaffiliated person fights in a conflict for money) was a popular choice in the Renaissance (14th-17th centuries). On hiring these Swiss mercenaries, Machiavelli writes what basically equates to, “don't do it, man. They’ve got no loyalty to you and will stab you in the back as soon as someone offers a higher price.” He and Sir Thomas More (according to the show’s official notes) were worried that Switzerland could conquer Europe if he decided to use his armies for himself. The Swiss Guard is a surviving example of Swiss mercenaries.
• Banks: Italy invented modern banking (Italy actually invented a lot of stuff), and eventually in the 17th century, around the time of the decline of his mercenary work, Switzerland picked it up. According to the anime’s notes, the Swiss Franc was reliable compared to the currencies of the major players of WWI (French Franc, Austrian Krone/Schilling, etc.), so his banking flourished. France released confidential information from a Swiss banking office in Paris in 1934, and that lead to Switzerland’s famous non-disclosed bank accounts that are popular with people who wish to keep monetary secrets.
• It looks like a church: The Banque de France is really pretty
• Terrible: Terrible (French) lol yeah it’s in French
• Strikes in France: This is actually a thing that happens lol. Strikes (or grèves in French) are strong in France due in part to the socialist parties there in the past 2 centuries. The most recent strikes can be traced back to pension reform and social welfare cutbacks. As I’m writing this (12/29/16), I believe the most recent strike was one in the middle of December in which a strike closed down the Eiffel Tower. French air traffic controllers also went on strike recently, and in the World Cup 2010 an argument with their coach led to the French team going on a training strike for a short while. In this episode, the museum that goes on strike is the Louvre, which is actually a big deal because of France’s tourist industry. Strikes are most common in the spring and fall.
• Je m’appelle…: My name is… (literally I call myself) (French)
• Pamplemousse: Grapefruit (French)
• Hola, hermano España: Hi, brother Spain (Spanish)
• ‘maters: Short for “tomaters”, an eye dialect way to say “tomato” (eye dialect is basically when something is spelt differently from usual in an ironic way. It doesn’t indicate a difference in pronunciation.)
• Carotenoids and lycopene: Found in tomatoes, carotenoids are orange pigments, and lycopene is a bright red carotene and carotenoid pigment. I don't know the details but they are both considered to provide health benefits. Lycopene is named for the tomato’s scientific name, lycopersicum.
• Muy inteligente: Very smart (Spanish)
• Jesús: Jesus (Spanish)
• ¿Que haciendo?: What are you doing? (Spanish)
• Compendium: A collection of concise but detailed info on a particular subject
• Introduction of tomatoes: The tomato originated in the Andes, and Incan and Aztec cultivation dates to as early as 700 AD. According to the anime’s notes, the tomato also revolutionized the classification of plants. The first tomatoes brought to Europe were likely yellow, which explains the Italian word for them (“pomodoro", golden apple, though pomo is a less common word for apple than mela). People didn’t use it as a food right away, mostly because it wasn’t really useful as a substitute for preexisting foods. So they sat around as decorations for a while before Spain and then South Italy started to eat them in the 17th century.
• Spain and tomatoes: If you google it, the majority of what you find is La Tomatina, the festival where people throw tomatoes at each other. I do suggest you look at it.