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[It’s kind of late now, but…]

Germany: So, I would like for you to meet Japan. We are all going to form an alliance together!

[Painful tingle]

Japan: Nice to meet you.

Italy: I’m Italy…! And um… hello!

Italy’s thoughts: That was awkward. But what am I supposed to do? Everybody says Japan is one serious guy and he certainly looks like that way. If I talk about pasta again Germany is just going to yell at me so what am I supposed to talk to this guy about??

Japan: Um, excuse me. I wanted you to know I have been a fan of your art and literature for quite some time now.

Italy: (Gasp)

Japan: Yes. To tell you the truth I am ecstatic to meet you.

Italy: Really? Get out of-a town! That’s funny, because I’m a big fan of your history too, Japan! I love your comic books! Yeah, and your cartoons!

Japan: Really? You like anime?
Eh.

Italy: Ehhhahahahhaahahhhuuuhahhaahah…
Japan: Uh…

Germany: Ja. They should manage to get along ok, I suppose.

Japan: …hahaa…

Narrator: Japan and Italy’s very first meeting. Japan can’t help but be polite at first. At first.

Japan: Hu…uhh…

(Opening)

America: Uh… phew! Hah…

America’s narration: In July, 1947, a ranch owner found something totally crazy in a tiny little town called…
Brazel: Ahh…!!!
America’s narration: …Roswell, New Mexico.

America: Ah…

America’s narration: So when I heard about it, I had to go. I mean, come on. Like, what else was I gonna do?

Brazel: I found this metal, and it’s like, totally crazy.

America: Cool! It doesn't look totally crazy!

Brazel: Observe. I just cut it, right? Check this out!
Now watch; I’ll smash it all up.

America: Uh…! Dude, that is so awesome, oh my god!! Where’d you find it where’d you find it where’d you find it where’d you find it

Brazel: Calm down. It’s over there.
(America: Oh my god tell me now now now!)

America: Ah!!
Wahoo! Aliens really do exist; it doesn’t matter HOW you look at that mofo! It is undeniably a UFO from outer freaking space!!

America’s narration: And so, I went to tell the good news to my boss.

America: What the hell! Are you trying to call me a liar?

Truman: You were mistaken, sir. It was just a weather balloon. Forget you ever saw anything.

America: What? But why?
Whatever. That was so not a weather balloon. The truth is out there.
Ah! Ah?

America’s narration: That’s when it happened.

America: I’d like you to meet my newfound bestie!

England: You have a plethora of fun friends, don’t you America?

England’s narration: At the time, that was the only thing I could think of to say.

[Mr. Tonny
Roswell Incident
~An unidentified object that fell from the sky~]

Narrator: An object looking like a UFO crashed in New Mexico. This news surprised not only America, but the entire world, which was due largely in part to America suddenly announcing, “Dude! A UFO totally fell outta the sky at my place!” However, a few hours later they claimed the object was merely a weather balloon. Or an aircraft. Or a military training exercise utilizing holograms. But it was most certainly NOT a UFO.

[An object looking like a UFO crashed. This news surprised not only America, but also the entire world. America suddenly announced, “A UFO fell at my place!” However, a few hours later, for some reason they announced that this object was a balloon. Which on earth is really the case…?]

England: Hetalia!

America: Ok dude, I know you have questions for him! Go ahead and ask.

England: Alright then. I guess I do have one. So. What planet are you from, alien?
Uhh…

Alien: Don’t say “planet,” you limey bastard! Don't think I won’t kill you, limey bastard! Limey bastard! Limey bastard! Limey bastard! Limey bastard!
(England: Staring staring staring staring staring… uuwhuuughuuguuhh…)

America’s thoughts: Awww, look how they can’t keep their eyes off of each other; I bet they’ll be besties too!

[He isn’t capable of sensing the mood, so...]

(Hatafutte Parade, zooms on England)

[After that
England returned home…]

England: So guys, this is what America’s new friend looks like. Ridiculous, right? Ahhahahahahaha!

[Fucking limey]

Magical Friends and England: (laughter)

[To be continued…]

Translations

• Italy and Japan’s first meeting: In truth, they would have met earlier than this. Most likely in 1899, when they both responded to the Boxer Rebellion in China. They also were allies in WWI, and Italy supported Japan’s racial equality proposal during the Paris Peace Conference. Anyway, this would be in 1940, when Axis Powers signed the Tripartite Pact, which basically said “we won’t stop each other from doing whatever and will cooperate on said whatever. If a new power attacks we have to come to the rescue. Also this doesn’t change anything with the Soviet Union.”
• I am a fan: It’s mentioned in another episode that Japan is very interested in Classical history and architecture, and Italy had a vest modeled after the samurai in WWII. Manga is very popular in Italy, and in the 1970s there was a boom in anime popularity in Italy, making him one of the top consumers for both media.
• Roswell Incident: The story of the crash itself it pretty well explained in the episode, but the real story begins afterwards. Interest in the event was pretty short-lived until 1978, when conspiracies began popping up about the government covering up the existence of extraterrestrial activity. The idea exploded in the media (for example, E.T. was released in 1982). In 1995 is was determined that the debris had been from a secret balloon telemetry project to detect Soviet bombs, which would also explain the cover-up, but alien conspiracy theories, abduction reports, and reported sightings still live with us to this day.
• Brazel: Mac Brazel was the rancher who found the mysterious debris.
• Truman: Harry S. Truman was the POTUS (America’s boss) at the time of the incident.
• Limey: It’s a derogatory term for a British immigrant, but did you know that it’s because the British would have their ships well-stocked with lime juice so that nobody would get scurvy?