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Narrator: Because he was genetically predisposed to being kind of a twat, Britain was almost always alone. He tried to find friends, but flowers make Germans constipated. Or is that just life? He decided it would be better to aim lower, or shorter at least, and become friends with Japan. But Japan's boss wanted him to be friends with Russia. Is this third grade or geopolitical allegory? For reals, yo.

England: I hate you, stars. You mock my pain. I'll be fine. I've managed to get this far on my own. Same plot, different day.

Japan: Britain! (panting) Britain!! Britain! Ah…

England: Ah! Ah…

Japan: Britain! Please wait. I have news! So glad… I found you…

England: Ah?

Japan: Yeaa… hahh… Hohh! I'm sorry to bother you so late.

England: Th-That's ok. You know I'm not Russia though, right? Ah! Hey, why'd you sign a treaty with that ponty doe-face anyway?!

Japan: That wasn't my idea! My boss decided to do that without my input! It was very sudden, so it surprised me too. Bosses suck, which is the reason I decided to come here and talk to you myself. What I really want more than anything is to form a permanent alliance with you.

England: Wow. Really? That's so nice. Well, now I feel silly for raising my voice.

Japan: Apology accepted.

England: I wasn't… I mean sure! And all that Bob's your uncle. How's tomorrow for you?

Japan: (chuckle)

England: Mh. Ah! Now let's get one thing straight here! I'm doing this for me! I'm not at all concerned about your interests! And if you think standing there all silent and Japanesey is gonna freak me out, well you're wrong! I'm not afraid of Russia and I'm not afraid of you!

Narrator: And the more Britain talked, the more favorable the deal became for Japan.
(England: We're friends! Equals! Partners! But not in the (?) way. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Unless you think there should be which is perfectly normal! I'm done now!)

Japan's thoughts: Westerners are so easy.

England: Hetalia!

[We formed an alliance]

Narrator: Japan's boss' visit to Russia made Britain nervous, but he gets nervous clipping his nails. However, the threat of Russia and Japan allied with one another was actually something to fret about! He went begging to Japan, and since beggars can't be choosers, Japan cleaned up on the deal.

[Japan's boss' visit to Russia made England nervous. He thought, "Oh no! If Japan joins up with Russia, I'll be at even more of a disadvantage," and so he quickly approached Japan about forming an alliance. Though it was unlike England, the deal they made was quite favorable to Japan.]

Messenger: So, you're saying you formed an alliance?

England: Yeah. I figured using Japan could be good for a few chuckles here and there! Check it out, we'll close down the harbors in France and stop the export of British charcoal to Russia! Start a rumor that the Japanese have laser eyes or make great cars, or something. Now! I'm off to make some raw fish and chips!

[Really into it]

France's thoughts: Why does Britain always have to hurt me so bad?

France: I hate you, British scum jerkwads! Le boo!

Narrator: Really, France? It's Britain; you thought he'd suddenly forget centuries of bloodshed? So Britain totally made things crappy for France by screwing things up with Russia so that France would be all alone. Now he's gotta face the Triple Alliance of Italy, Germany, and Austria all by himself. And to top it off, he did something boring with tariffs that made things bad and spread rumors that were harmful to Russia in order to make Japan look better in the eyes of the world. Basically, Britain made Japan the new popular kid while stabbing France in the back. You're an amazing pirate gentle-Brit!

(Hatafutte Parade, zooms on England)

[Shortly after the Anglo-Japanese Alliance was signed…]

Man: Hi. How are you?

Another Man: I'm fine, thank you! And you?

Man: Fine, thank you.

Men: Hahahahaha!

Japan: Ah… English. It's enigmatic. I wish my grasp of it were less perfunctory.

England: Oh, well it's really not all that difficult. I can help you learn more words if you'd like.
Well then, let's start with something simple. Say, "This is a pen." Always a useful phrase.

[This is a pen
（これは　ペンです。)]

England's thoughts: Totally useless phrase; I have no idea what I'm doing.

Japan: Um… ok… but why you use the demonstrative case?

England: No questions; next lesson!

Japan: Are these right? Third person singular transitive verbs are like Chinese to me!

England: Wow, I have absolutely no idea what you just said! Let me have a look-see.

[アメリカis（は）すっとこどっこい　(America is a moron)
アメリカisおたんこなす　(America is a dickhead)
アメリカisひょう…　(America is…)]

England: Technically correct, but not very useful at parties.

Japan: I'll be sure to make a note of that, then.

Children: To be continued!

(To be continued)

Translations
• Bosses suck: While Japan's PM wanted Japan to be friends with Russia, Hayashi Tadasu, the Japanese Minister in London, was doing his best to spearhead the Anglo-Japanese Alliance.
• A favorable alliance for Japan: The treaty basically said six things. (1) Whatever happens with China and Korea would not interfere with their friendship, so (2) they'd remain neutral if the other went to war over whatever happens in China and Korea. (3) If Japan or Britain got involved in a war against more than one opponent, the other would assist him. (4) They wouldn't go making contradictory alliances behind each other's back, and (5) they would be very communicative with each other over the interests of the treaty. (6) The alliance would last for 5 years, and could not be nullified without one years' notice. Japan was essentially guaranteed a sphere of influence in mainland Asia, while he did not have to defend Britain's interests in India. General opinion on the meaning of the treaty also varied, with Britain saying "ha, now Russia has been gently warned," and Japan saying "now Russia can stfu I'm going to go and imperially expand."
• France in all this: When Germany unified, France and Russia's first thought was "oh shit Germany" (along with Britain's as well). Historically on bad terms, they decided to try out being friends in order to keep Germany in check on both sides. Then Britain and Japan became friends, and France and Russia said "really? Damn guess we gotta keep being friends." This ended up tying them closely enough that Britain could mess Russia up just by messing France up. He used his navy to block trade routes from France to Russia. This cut them off from each other, since Germany was in the way if they tried to go by land. France didn't participate in the Russo-Japanese War, since that would get Britain involved as well. They remained pals until the communist revolution in Russia.
• Pirate Gentle-Brit: Britain had a knack for using his navy, including privateers, which are basically pirates who work for a nation and will not attack ships from their employer state. For this reason, Britain is portrayed as both a gentleman and a seafarer, even though he doesn't know how to swim.
• Demonstrative Case: In English, demonstrative pronouns are those such as "this" and "that," which are words that point out a specific noun. They differ from articles (a, an, the) because they don't need to specify the noun. For example, you can say "I want this," but you can't say "I want the." Although, technically speaking, Japan would also use demonstrative pronouns in this situation (これ、それ、andあれ are demonstrative pronouns and never have a noun after them), so he shouldn't be asking why Britain uses them as well.
• Third person singular transitive verbs: English has three grammatical persons in terms of point of view, first (the speaker), second (the listener), and third (another party). On top of that, they have two variations for each in regard to number, singular and plural. (Although, if you're reading this you probably already understand that lol). A transitive verb is a verb that needs to have an object attached to it. An example would be "to buy," since you can't simply say "I bought." Japan also has transitive and intransitive verbs, so the only thing that should actually be confusing him is the various grammatical persons (Japan only makes changes based on how polite he wants to be, not on the point of view or number of the subject).