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Description
Turkey: (is there)

Chibiromano: Look here, Princess Jasmine! I am not afraid of your devil eyes!

Turkey: Heh!

Spain: I am not kidding this time! Where the heck did Romano go?! It's dangerous for him to be all alone!

Chibiromano: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH…

Birds: (flying away)

(Chibiromano: …HHHHHHhhhhhh…)
Spain: Ah? Wait… that is Romano! Ah! No, Romano!! I'm cominggg!!!

(Opening)

Spain: Ehh, ah? Ah…

Turkey: Muahahahahaha! Ahah! Oh my! Catching you turned out to be quite easy! How hilarious! Heheheh!
(Chibiromano: Nhhhh…)

Chibiromano: You bastard. Let me go! I'll hex your face with my mojo! I said let go of meee!

Spain: Guehh, that's Turkey!

[ France

Spain ↗
O T T O M A N E M P I R E
↙ ↘ ]

Narrator: At this point in history, Turkey was a major military power which ruled over twelve ethnic groups and had territory in Asia, Africa, and Europe. It certainly was no jive Turkey, as they say.

Spain: Yikes! What can I do?? If I just sit here, Romano's dead!

(Chibiromano: Stop it! Hey, stupid head! Save me! Uuuhhh…)
Spain: But that guy is Turkey! And no one would want to be HIS enemy! Ahh… France is a little puta man compared to Turkey!

Chibiromano: I can smell you behind that tree, Spain! Why don't you come and rescue me like a good friend would, ah?

Spain: Ah! Ahah… he is adorable when he is so completely terrified. Hrrh!

(Chibiromano: Ah!)
Turkey: Welcome home!

Chibiromano: Drrh, I don't think it's legal to throw kids on the ground!
Daahhhh! Let me go, let me out of here you bastard! Let me out of here! I'm not kidding!

Horse: Bwwwuuurhh. Neigh. Neigh bbbwwwurh.

[Horse: Who'd have thought that South Italy would be caught so easily?]

Turkey: It was easy really. I am towering giant compared to sniveling brat.
(Chibiromano: I am not kidding around! Let me out!)

Bull: Bull smash! Bull smash! Moo!
(Turkey: Huh?)

Chibiromano: UWAAAAAaaaaaAAAH! Dduh!

Spain: Hey! Why don't you try picking on someone three quarters your sizes?

Turkey: Well (haha) hello, there! You are awfully stupid for a tiny guy!

Spain's thoughts: Wow! Double tap! He doesn't mess around!

Spain: Oh yeah?! I am the great Spain and I lithp on purpoTHPTHH! You can have Romano when you pry him from my cold dead hands, Turkey sandwich with cheese!

Turkey: I wasn't gonna to kill you but now I suppose I will.

Spain: A slight miscalculation.
Nnnnhhh… AAHhhahaha! I may be sensually misleading to the eye, but I assure you, I can protect Romano and should you try to invade either of us you will taste the cold steel of my Spanish espada!

Turkey:

Spain: (heavy breathing)

Turkey: Hmhmhmhmhmhmhm! That sounded like a declaration of war. I was gonna to attack Europe anyway. I might as well invading you while I am in the neighborhood. Who's knows? You might like big hats and flowy clothes.

Spain: Hhhh…

Turkey: Toodaloo!

Spain: Huh?

Turkey: I'm gonna to home to get some real coffee. Yours is for the baby.

Spain: Whaaaat?!

Turkey: Don't worry, we'll meet again soon enough. On the battlefield. Nyahaaahahaaahahahaha! Ahahahahaha!

Spain: Uhehh, that guy is really weird! Uhh…

Chibiromano: Nhh…

Spain: Ohh! Ah?

Chibiromano: Hey… short guy… uh… did I die and go to heaven, ah?

Spain: Uh?

Chibiromano: Ugh, crap, you're Spain! I must be in hell.

Spain: Not funny!!

(Spain: Eh heh heh, hehehe…)
(Chibiromano: Heheheh….)
Narrator: And just like that, one of the greatest powers in the world found a way to screw things up permanently. Butt whoopin's aplenty would follow.

Chibiromano: Ah.
Spain: Ahahahaha…

(Hatafutte Parade, zooms on China)

Chibiromano: (sigh) I can't believe I ended up at dorkface's place after all of that.
Duh! Duaahhhhh!

[Argh!]

Joanna: Sell him to the gypsies at once! Maybe they can find some use for him!
(Chibiromano: Ah! Ah?)

Joanna: We travel halfway across the globe to New World only to bring riches back to waste on HIM! Idiota!

Spain: Lo siento! My bad!

Joanna: Did you think fighting-a Turkey would be this simple affair? We got no moneys!

Chibiromano: Nhh…

[Continued Next Episode…]

(Credits)

Chibiromano: Ugh, crap, you're Spain! I must be in hell.

Spain: Not funny!!

Translations
• I'll hex you with my mojo: Apparently, South Italy had a very syncretic approach to witchcraft, so while Veneziano had mixed feelings on the use of magic, Romano was pretty chill with it. In the old days, Renaissance scholars would combine contemporary religious practices with the alchemy of the even older days. Also, most Mediterranean witchcraft was concerned with the Evil Eye, the idea of causing bad luck to someone either with a nasty look or your general aura.
• Ottoman Empire: The Ottoman Empire (1299-1923) was a massive state in Afro-Eurasia, which at its peak stretched over 5 million square kilometers. It was also just called Turkey in Western Europe, as Turkey was the center of government with its capital in Istanbul. It was big, and rich, and powerful, so Turkey was a scary scary guy. His most common rivals were Austria and Russia, whom he shared borders with. However, alliances with the Ottomans were not unheard of; as we all know, Austria hating you means France is your friend! The Empire was very diverse, with countless ethnic groups and many religions which were official recognized and protected by the state. While Europe at this time was a huge supporter of one universal structure, Turkey was very tolerant of the differences of groups. Many were granted self-governing communities, and this eventually led to the growing sense of nationalism that ended with the independence movements of its territories.
• Jive turkey: Apparently it means a stupid person, so yeah Turkey was not a jive turkey
• Puta: Bitch (Spanish)
• Lithp on purpoTHPTHH: For anybody who doesn't speak English well, it's "Lisp on purpose"
• Espada: Sword (Spanish)
• I was gonna attack Europe anyway, may as well declare war on Spain: As the Ottoman Empire took over many lands that were once Moorish (as in the same Moors that Spain Reconquista-d and inquisited the heck out), Spain and Turkey already had some bad blood. Spain's thought process was kind of like, "damn I used to be a Moorish caliphate and he'd absorbed a lot of those already." The invasion of Europe was, once again, France's doing. France and Spain were having a scuffle over Milan, and France asked Turkey if he could maybe help him out with that. Turkey was prepared to strike Genoa from the sea, but nothing really happened so Turkey raided the Italian coast instead.
• Big hats and flowy clothes: There were actually sumptuary laws (regulations) on clothes in the Ottoman Empire at this time. Men would wear entari, kaftan, and other long robes as part of their wardrobe. Hats were an indicator of social status, with your turban showing off your place in the world.
• Turkish Coffee: Originally, Turkish coffee was considered too strong and was banned, but it was too popular so the Sultan lifted the ban. I don't drink coffee so I can't really talk about what makes Turkish coffee super special, but I do know that it is ground very fine and, like mentioned before, very strong.
• Butt whoopin's aplenty: This was the common routine during the last three Italian Wars—Spain gets into a fight with France, France and the Ottoman Empire gang up on Spain, and then Turkey pillages South Italy on his way home.
• Joanna: This is Joanna the Mad of Castile again.
• Traveling to the new world to spend money on Romano: Fighting off the Franco-Ottoman friendship proved to be very expensive, and much of the riches that Spain brought home from the Americas was spent on the development of South Italy. He also got overexcited and brought home way too much silver, which led to inflation and prices skyrocketed. Whoops.
• Idiota: Moron, idiot, etc. (Spanish)
• Lo siento: I'm sorry (Spanish)