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Description
(Opening)

Italy: Hey, Japan!

Japan: Ah…

Italy: I wanted to wish you a happy birthday!

Germany: I think you mean "Happy National Foundation Day?" That is a lot more important than a simple birthday.

Japan: Uh… I… thank you for your kindness!
They're pretty. I don't think anyone has given me such beautiful flowers before.

Italy: No problemo! So spill the beans; tell me exactly how old you're going to be this year!

Japan: Oh, it seems like forever… I am not certain I'll be able to remember. When I was small, I was happy to celebrate my birthday. But now I just look at it and say, "Well, here comes another birthday..."

Italy: Now you've kind of started to sound like my grandpa…!

Japan: Getting old is not for the weak-willed. Things start falling off.

Italy: Disgusting!!!

Japan: Plus, I have high blood pressure. If I'm not careful with what I eat I could end up like an American.

Italy: Stop, you're freaking me out!

Germany: Eh… no… you'll be fine. Just go easy on the salt.

Germany: Hetalia!

Germany: Starting today, I shale rule your diet as if it were a defenseless Baltic country!

[Pickled Yam]

Japan: Wait, I am already eating this pickled yam! And I had one for breakfast too, is that ok?

Germany: I will rip that heart-destroying nub of salt from your bloated face!

[Raw Fat Blood Sausage]

Japan: What?! Then what about some salted cod roe??

Germany: …..
No way.

Japan: Ah!!

Germany: Throw it in the trash can.

Japan: How about caviar! Caviar is ok, right?!

[Salmon Roe]

Germany: Ahhh, yes of course it is, if you would prefer to drop dead!

Japan: Ah… I can't live without sardines!

Germany: I will break you in half!

Japan: My sushi! Please don't take my sushi away!! Listen! I will go insane without sushi!!!!

Italy: Are you guys doing a Mamet play again?

Japan: Hetalia.

Germany: Ok then. That will be all for today's group training.

Italy: Super yippee!

Germany: You stay. You'll be getting my undivided attention.

Japan: Nh… ah… yes sir.
(Exercise breathing)

Germany: You'd better start running!

Japan: I thought I was!

Italy's thoughts: This is really weird! Japan is getting totally beat up by Germany today!

Paper: (fwoop)

Italy: Ah? What's this-a paper… ah…
Ahhhh… oh… ah… ahhh…

[Dr. Steiner, 98-xxxx
Do light training every day. Proper amount of exercise. Aerobic exercises such as jogging and yoga. Avoid taking too much salt. Lay off the drinks, too.]

Japan: Ohh… hahhh… (pant)

Germany: Another lap!

Japan: Ahh!!

Japan: Ughhh… ok, I am not liking this at all.

[Smirk smirk]

Italy: Heyyy!

Japan: Nh…!

Italy: Ahahaaa!

Japan: Nh… what is this?

Italy: Oh ho hoooo!

[Nekotalia]
[If the world was made up of cats…]

Italy-cat: Ve-meow!

Italy-cat's narration: Ciao! I'm Italy-cat! Today, like almost every other day, I'm on the prowl for the sweet sweet ladies of the world!
Oh, wait! I know him.

Germany-cat: (snore)

Italy-cats narration: Germany-cat! He's not a sweet sweet lady, but he's got awesome biceps and a funny angry face!

Italy-cat: Hey Germany-cat! Hee hee! All doneee NAPPING, grab on, let's play!

Germany-cat: Hhhhryyyyyrgh! I will rip your throat—ah, it's you, Italy-cat. I wasn't taking a nap. I was working out battle strategies in my imagination. If I don't keep the old war machine active, it could turn peaceful. And who'd want that?

Italy-cat: Meow! I know what you mean! If I stop eating fast food for a while my legs swell up like sausages! Don't worry, I know how to entertain myself in any situation!

Germany-cat: I will bag you and drop you off at China's house!

[Roll roll roll]

Italy-cat: How about I just roll around next to you then? Absorbing, absorbing the smelly smells of the streety into my little kitty fur!

Germany-cat: Be quiet! You're messing with the perfect tank formation I was making in my mind!

Italy-cat: Oh Germany-cat, you're so silly with all your army stuff alululalulaalee-ohhh! Silent ninja-cat quiet!

[Ve-meow!]

Italy-cat: Ve-meow!!

Japan-cat: Nh?

Pochi: Arf…

Italy-cat: Ve-meow!

[Nekotalia]
[If the world was made up of cats…]
[To be continued]

(Hatafutte parade, zooms on Italy)

Translations
• National Foundation Day: Japan's Foundation Day (建国記念の日) is on February 11th. It corresponds with the day Emperor Jimmu ascended to the imperial throne in 660 BC, the mythological foundation of Japan. Originally it was on the first day of the first lunar month, but during the Meiji Era "Empire Day" was changed to be consistently on February 11th. The idea of this was to promote nationalism for the emperor and nation over the provinces. Nowadays the emphasis on the emperor is gone, and it's just a day to celebrate Japanese culture and reflect on one's Japanese heritage.
• How old am I?: Unlike nations like America, Germany, or Italy, there isn't a concrete idea of the formation of a proper unified community in Japan. The general story goes that in 660 BC (way back in Jomon Period), Emperor Jimmu, descendent of the sun goddess Amaterasu, founded the country, and that's the story they stuck with until 1946. So now the facts are a little blurry. Whatever the correct answer is, it's generally agreed that Japan is over 2,000 years old, closer in age to the Roman Empire than any of Japan's contemporary friends.
• Defenseless Baltic Country: In general, the Baltic states have a history of being ruled over by other nations, whether it be Russia, Sweden, or even their fellow Baltic Lithuania. Germany also took a grabs at the area during WWII.
• Japan's diet: Japanese foods tend to be very high in sodium, such as the pickles, roe, and sardines he mentions. However, the Japanese diet is considered to be one of the healthiest in the world, and Japanese people statistically have an incredibly low rate of heart disease and obesity. So the foods Germany is taking away may be salty, but they're also high in vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients.
• A Mamet Play: David Mamet is an American playwright and director who wrote many successful plays, including Glengarry Glen Ross, in which four real estate agents will do anything to manage to sell some undesirable property, almost going as far as to beg their superiors.