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Narrator: Worried about Japan's ridiculously high salt intake and probable future heart attack, Germany started Japan on a strict diet and intensive physical training program.
(Germany: You better start running!)

Narrator: However, knowing he was setting an example, he decided to abstain from beer, which, as we all know, is his favorite drink.
(Germany: Thank you, but… give it to my big brother instead.)

(Opening)

Germany: (chewing with doom)

Japan: (chewing uncomfortably)

Japan: You know, Mr. Germany, it is not necessary for you to join me in this endeavor.

Germany: It is. I was the one who started it, und I will be with you until the very end.

Japan: I can do anything, right? This is for my health, after all.

Germany: I know if it were my health I would make any sacrifice und you will do the same, trust me I will make you.

[Munch munch munch munch munch]

German Soldier: Huh?

(Germany and Japan: {rapid munching})
Italy: Hey, you guys!! I just talked to Prussia! Why aren't you two drinking beer?! And why are you both only eating tomatoes? Who am I?! WHERE am I?! I feel like I'm freaking out in the twilight zone!! On top of that if you eat too many tomatoes you'll end up getting an acid reflux disease!

Japan: (Gasp!)

Germany: (Gasp!)

Italy: Everyone should eat and drink all the time; it makes you happier! And I think it would make things easier for you to stay liking me too! Eh?

Germany: Ah…

Japan: Ahh…hh…

Germany and Japan: Nh…

Japan: Nhh…

Germany: (Munch!)

Japan: (Munch!)

[Rumble rumble rumble…]

Japan: No way, I am Japan and I shall never surrender to food! Nh… nhh…

Germany: Well said. Once you commit to something you have to go all the way! Nrrrghhrhhh…

Italy: YOU GUYS, STOP!!!

Japan: Hetalia!

America: Dude, China, riddle me this. If I sent you blueprints, could you build me a radtacular airplane?

England: Right. Also, could you prepare today's lunch?

China: Ah!! I've had it! I'm tired of you ordering around all damn time! I will not tolerate this behavior any longer! I refuse to live like this! Don't care if revolt myself, I revolting nonetheless! Hiyahh!! Hiiiiiyah! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

America: Dude, China, calm down man!!
(China: Let go of me! AaaaaaAAAaaaaaAAaaa!)

England: Ah! Hey France, don't you think you should wake up and help us out?! Gahh!

France: Mhhhonhon… so cute… I love me some China… ah! Yeah…

China: Ughhhhhhhhh…

[Giving the "I feel bad for him" look]

China: Hetalia!

[Kichijoji, Tokyo]

Children: Japan and America!

[Japan and America]

Lady: Please take one!

America: Hm? Uhh…

Japan: Ah…

Lady: Eh heh…!

America: Dude, that hot chick gave me tissues and I don't even have a cold!

Japan: Ahh… they are not for your nose.

(Hatafutte Parade, zooms on Japan)

Germany: (glug glug glug) Ah… I'm sorry, Japan.

Germany Soldier: (Sigh of relief)

Another Soldier: (Sigh of relief)

Germany: I never should have pushed you so hard.

Italy: That's ok, you were just worried about his health! But next time, don't get so carried away.

Japan: Apologies. I wanted to get better too fast. Instead, I ended up becoming stubborn.

Germany: It's my fault. I am the one who started it. Please, forgive me; it won't happen again.

Italy: How nice, we're all sorry! Can we move past this now?

Germany: No. I still think it's important to consciously maintain a healthy lifestyle. But old habits die hard, so it's not easy.

Italy: I agree! Now let's get drunk!

Germany: Listen to me you lazy wop. You should practice self-control und undergo significant training as well.

Italy: Aw…

Japan: Yes, he's right!

Germany and Italy: Ah…

Japan: I start new training! I'll learn to do what I want! NOM!

[Salted salmon]

Italy: JAPAN, YOU CAN'T EAT THAT!!

[Salt]

Japan: Next, soak the salted salmon in water with a bit of salt. Then add a pinch of salt to taste.

[Continued next episode…]

Translations
• China won't tolerate this any longer!: It's not mentioned anywhere, but I believe this is a reference to Chinese rebellions against Western imperialism. The Boxer Rebellion, although it happened in 1899, long before WWII, is the most significant of these rebellions. Many Chinese found themselves fed up with the half-century of unfair treaties and gathered under the Boxers (Righteous Harmonious Society) in retaliation. As it was a rebellion against Western influence in general, the Eight-Nation Alliance of seven Western nations and Japan stepped in and suppressed the rebellion. China's ability to literally break through walls is probably an allusion to how China was a significant force, although foreign pressure prevented it from acting as such.
• Kichijoji: A neighborhood in Musashino, Tokyo (the prefecture). It's the site of Inokashira Park, with great cherry blossom viewing, as well as the Studio Ghibli Museum. It's a good area for shopping, bars, and the like, so it's popular with younger people for the nightlife. However, it's more popular among Japanese than it is with tourists.
• Tissues: The use of the tissue is indeed for your nose. However, the reason people hand out tissues in public locations is a big marketing ploy, rather than just to be nice. The company Meisei Sansho started the practice in the 1960s, under the assumption that since tissues are useful, people won't throw them out, and the packaging will be actually looked at. Tissue-pack marketing is considered a guerilla marketing (lol). To be honest, I'd read the advertisement on free tissues.
• Put salted salmon in salted water and add salt: Brining your salmon allows you to bring out a lot of the flavor, and smoked salmon is usually brined first, since the salt will draw out the excess moisture. Salmon is used in many Japanese dishes, but their annual patterns meant that they could only be caught in autumn and winter, when they swam upstream. So, salting the fish also helped to preserve them for the rest of the year.