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God?: Wake up, little girl.

Hungary: Ah….!

God?: Listen to me. I have a divine prophecy from God for you.

Hungary: OMG, are you trying to tell me you’re God?

God?: Sure, why not. Tomorrow, when you see France, you should deliver my wrath upon him using your skillet.

Hungary: What?? You want me to smack France around using my skillet? Is that even kosher?

France: (whistling)

Hungary: Oh geepers, what am I going to do? If you can’t excuse crime because the devil made you do it, how can I hurt someone because God told me to?
I mean technically, it IS France, but even if he is a douchenozzle, he’s still a person.

France: Quelle surprise! He is playing the piano as usual.
Austria’s looks and poise give him a certain… je ne sais quoi. If his house was closer and he wasn’t such a dick, I’d make him a French territory in a heartbeat!
(Sigh)… seriously. Just look at that face! So handsome. I want to lick it!

Hungary: Geepers, God!! Why do you have to stress me out like this?! I don’t know what to do!!

(Opening)

Italy: Pata! Pata! Pata! Pata!...
Italy’s narration: I went to visit my Big Brother France today, for the first time in… well, since I was a kid!
Big brother Fraaaance, I’m here!

France: Oui? Hello! Please to come right on in!
Ah..!
I can’t believe it; are you really Italy?!

Italy: Uh huh!

France: It’s been such a long time! Oh, look how big and strong you’ve gotten! The last time I saw you were a tiny little thing! Wow! It makes me wonder how much bigger you’ll get!
(Chibitalia: Wee!)

[Smirk smirk]

France’s thoughts: Hello, new French territory!

France: Italy! I adore you so, so much.

France’s thoughts: Hello, new French territory!
(Italy: Uwa…)

Italy: Please… may you stop? Bad touching!

Italy: Hetalia!

France: Since you’ve come all this way, would you like me to read a little story from this book that I doubt you’ve heard before?

Italy: Oh yeah! It’s got a ton of words in it! And I don’t know what they are! (Gasp!)
(France: Ah…)

Italy: Francey-pants! What does “sexual act” mean?

[Sexual act]

France: Oh hon! You don’t even know that? Oh my, how adorable! It’s something you do… with someone you love. Ahhhh?
Italy: Ahh!

France: You can just pretend to love them too! Then you get to (Oh! Mm…) with their arms (Ah!) or (Ooh!) with their lips or (Oh!) with their tongue (Wow!)… also there’s the (Ohh… wowww) which is the most important. I personally like to [Beeeeeeeep].

Italy: Uwawawuaughhh…

China: Hetalia!

England: (Jogging)

China: Ah…

China’s thoughts: I think that Britain has been working out so he can become more stronger…

England: (stretching)
(Phew)… alright! My training’s gone well good today. Those wankers who said I looked weak will feel ridiculous now! Ah?
(America: Duuuude, Britain!)

America: Finally, where have you been? I’ve been looking for you for like an hour, cuz! Get this—I wanna try driving your car! But dude, I need your keys first!

England: Uwawawa…
Nhh…

China: Are you not doing any of your training today?

England: No, I’m not.

[Hang in there, Britain!]

(Marukaite Chikyuu: France)

Children: Japan and America!

[Japan and America]

America: Nomnom….

Japan: Nomnomnom…

America: Hey, you know what, dude? Two for one rocks my socks right off!

Japan: Correct; it seems like good deal.

Japan’s thoughts: Ah yes. You, Mr. America, like the “two for price of one” kind of stuff as well. Interesting.

[To be continued]

Children: To be continued!

Child: Ma- (lol I’m pretty sure they continue to say “maybe” but mine just cuts off)

Translations
• Is that even kosher?: It could be “culture/cultured”, but Hungary’s pretty good at pronouncing her “t”s, so… kosher can be slang for alright—like, if you want to say “everything’s good,” you can say “everything’s kosher.” Kosher can also be used in connotation of not including an incriminating evidence. If you want to be a store clerk, keeping your interview kosher would be to not mention your past history of shoplifting.
• France’s whistling: The song is Frere Jacques, a French nursery rhyme that’s usually sung in a round. Basically what it’s about is the fact that Brother John is still sleeping even though the morning bells are ringing.
• Quelle surprise: What a surprise (French). I’m pretty sure he’s being sarcastic.
• Je ne sais quoi: A certain something that cannot be described (Franglish); I don’t know what (literal French)
• Austria’s a dick to France: It’s kind of in his personality, but for the longest time (like, from 1494 to 1770 long), the Austrian and French governments were constantly vying for territory. The Italian Wars (1494-1559), also known as the Habsburg-Valois Wars after the royal houses of Austria and France, ended with the two of them taking advantage of the instability in Milan. Milan had traditionally relied on French auxiliary troops, and because of this, the French did not find it very hard to begin invading. The Habsburg-Valois conflicts, which became the Habsburg-Bourbon conflicts with Henry IV’s victory in the War of the Three Henrys, extended into just about every following war. For example, the main goal of the 30 Years War was for France to prevent Austria, the most powerful force in the Holy Roman Empire, from gaining too much power. Spain was also often caught in the middle, with the initial merge of the two kingdoms under Charles V (Charles I in Spain) leaving France with a Habsburg on both sides. Spain and Austria did eventually split into two different kings, but the family remained. Eventually, agreements were made between France and Spain, and in the War of Spanish Succession, the last war of Louis XIV, Spain and France almost joined together under one house, with the ascension of Louis’s grandson, Philip of Anjou, to the Spanish throne. After France lost, the Treaty of Utrecht stated that Spain and France could never unite, but Philip would be allowed to rule Spain. The ruling family of Spain today is actually still the House of Bourbon. The conflicts between France and Austria only officially ended with the marriage of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. Even so, after the French Revolution began to take shape, one of the things they did was declare war on Austria, so…
• Hungary to the rescue: Ferdinand I, Archduke of Austria, married his way into the lands of Hungary and Bohemia in 1526. Austria has a bit of a historical reputation for being cruel and unfair to his conquered territories, but Hungary was able to remain a rebel that he couldn’t ever fully suppress. She prevented Austria from establishing total dominance in the area, and with the marriage, they were officially working together. Because of this, Hungarians would fight for Austria in wars, a lot of which happened to be against France. In 1867, the Austrian Empire became Austria-Hungary, making it officially a marriage.
• Why this section even exists: Himaruya states that he “remembered a musically inclined French acquaintance of [his] once saying ‘Austria has such wonderful townscapes and music—but I can’t go there, because I can’t stand Austrians!’”
• Patta patta: In Japanese, パタパタ (pata pata) is the sound made when running around, or when waving. Italy makes this sound effect fairly often.
• Cuz: Well, according to Urban Dictionary, obviously America is a Crip, and he’s making sure England is part of the right gang. Realistically, he’s calling him his homie.
• England’s car: I’m not a car expert, but I think it may be a crude version of a Wolseley from the late 1930s.