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[Rome]

Rome: Ahahahahahaha! Ahahaha! Ah! Haha! Ha!

[Germania]

Germania: Nhhhh…

[He’s noisy so it’s a little annoying.
(More than just a little.)]

[Explanation]

Rome: Nhhh…
I am the Roman Empire, dammit, and I got beat by regular shmuck today! He ambushed me, but I should have been able to take him! Getting old sucks, but it’s not just because of the shrinking muscles, last night I had to get up and-a pee four times!

Germania: Don’t sweat it, man. Kick that guy’s ass the next time you see him, and you’ll feel better. And drink some cranberry juice.

Rome: You’re so very smart!! I love your brain!

Germania: Gh…

(Opening)

Japan’s narration: Today I was called to a meeting with Germany and Italy from all the way on the other side of Earth. And boy are my arms tired. Haha. These European meetings are very inconvenient.

Japan: (sigh) I must get our scientists to start working on a transporter machine.

Italy: It’s a miracle!!

Japan: Ah!

Italy: My Fiat is actually running! You want a ride? Hop on in!

Japan: That is kind of you. And since it would be impolite to refuse I have to.

……..

Japan: OH OH OH HUAAAAA!!! YOU [bleep!]ING GREASE-BALL, I’LL [bleep!]ING RIP YOUR GUTS OUT AND SERVE THEM FOR DINNER!! AUGHUAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Italy: Haha! You’re funny! It looks like your head is about to pop off and give birth to an alien!

Japan: Please! I am not used to being out of control except when getting oral pedicure! Wahahaaaa!!

Italy: Look! I can even close my eyes and let your screams guide me!
Next time I’ll show you my famous butt-driving trick! Oh! Ahaha!
(Japan: Uwawawawawa…)

Narrator: And now you know why the Japanese make such safe cars. And what they sound like when they piss themselves.

Japan: Hetalia.

Spain: Spain the boss and…
Chibiromano: Chibi Romano!

[Boss Spain and Chibiromano]

[|Hollo| noho
Dome uh beso!!
Kiss me.]

Spain: Listen up! In Spanish, “kiss me” is “dame un beso.” “Besame” and “besos besos” also works bueno.

Chibiromano: (nomnomnom)

Spain: Romano!? So! How are your Spanish lessons coming along?

Chibiromano: Spanish is-a stupid hard to learn ‘cause the words are all wrong.

Joanna: Well Spain, how is your education of Italy coming along?

Spain: Ehehehehe! Kind of bad, actually.

Chibiromano: I know this! Besame mala chica!

Spain: Her Highness is not a bad girl, you twit!

Narrator: Ok, fact time so you don't have to lie to your parents when you say anime is kick-ass educational. Spain used to control Italy; in fact, some parts of Southern Italy and most of Sardinia Island still speak Spanish. It’s more like a dialect of Catalan and Etruscan mixed, but you’ve stopped listening anyway.

Chibiromano: (Nomnomnom)

Spain: I thought I said “clean,” not “stuff your face.”

Chibiromano: Cleaning; you Spaniards sure know how to party!

Spain: Ugh…
I should get advice from Austria on how he handles his Italy.
Huh?

Chibitalia: (humming)

Spain: A….a…a….a…
Austria, you have to save me! Please trade Romano for Italy!!
(Austria: Ah….ah…)

Austria: What is the matter with you?!

Spain: I hate him muy mal!
Spain the boss, and Chibi Romano.

[Boss Spain and Chibiromano]

Spain: (Sighh) Yay, I’m home.

Chibiromao: I’ll show you, you dummy bastard crap!
How could you do this to me; I’m just a little kid! Don’t you get it? I need you to watch out for me or bad things can happen! Huaa!

Spain: You’re missing the jewels com-PLETELY!

Spain’s thoughts: Ahh, nope! He got ‘em with that last one. The pain is going to start flooding in any second now.
(Chibiromao: Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh! Eheh! Waah!...)

Spain: Eghh…

Spain’s thoughts: There it is. Why the delay?. I wonder. And why is Romano so upset with me? He must have found out I wanted to trade him. As soon as I can move again, I’ll apologize.
(Chibiromano: Stupid head! Stupid head! Stupid head! Stupid head!...)

Chibiromano: Wah! Ah…

Spain: Lo siento, Romano. All of this was my fault.

Chibiromano: That’s right, it was-a your fault! You left me alone and I couldn’t find the bathroom so I was forced to go right here, you stinking taco-eater!

Spain: You peed on the floor?!

[A leak!]

(Marukaite Chikyuu: Japan)

Chibitalia: Wee!

Children: To be continued!

[To be continued]

Translations

• My Fiat is actually running!: Fiats have a bit of a reputation for being a car that breaks down a lot. I’ve heard stories of rust and stories of engine failure, but it seems like they are known for being cheap to buy and expensive to maintain.
• Italy’s driving: Italians are infamous for being bad drivers, with speeding and disregarding both pedestrians and road signals.
• Hollo noho. Dome uh beso: Dome uh beso is obviously supposed to be “dame un beso”, but hollo noho, no clue.
• Dame un beso: Give me a kiss (Spanish)
• Besame: Kiss me (Spanish)
• Besos besos: Kisses kisses (Spanish)
• The words are all wrong: As reference, “dame un beso” in Italian is “dammi un bacio.” “Besame” is “baciami”.
• Joanna: Joanna of Castile was the first regent of a united Spain. After her Castilian mother, Isabella, died, she served as regent for her son, Charles, alongside her Aragonese father, Ferdinand II. She was later confined to a nunnery by her son, then King Charles I (later Holy Roman Emperor Charles V), in part because was “mad”, and in part so she wouldn’t have a say anymore.
• Mala chica: Bad girl (Spanish)
• Catalan: A language that sounds like Spanish (or in this case, Castilian), but in truth derives directly from Latin. It’s spoken in the southeastern Spanish region of Catalonia, of which Barcelona is the capital.
• Etruscan: A language that was spoken in the ancient region of Etruria (modern day Tuscany and parts of Umbria and Latium), as well as parts of Campania, Lombardy, Veneto, and Emilia-Romagna. Unlike Catalan, which was influenced by Latin, Etruscan actually had an influence on the Latin language. The alphabet used was like a half-way point between Greek and Latin. A lot of words, like “military” and “people,” are considered to be of Etruscan origin. However, it went extinct before the turn of the third century. Interestingly, Etruscan was only spoken in Northern Italy, with the exception of whatever parts of Campania spoke it.
• Muy mal: Very bad
• Lo siento: I’m sorry