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Kintanga [2014-11-23 16:05:26 +0000 UTC]

Congrats on finishing your round~! 
Sorry I haven't really been posting on this one, but 
to be completely honest, I wasn't sure what to say. 
I was REALLY lost in some pages, but that wasn't your fault..
I just don't know anyone's characters other then yours, 
so when your not focusing on your characters I had NO clue 
what was going on. Then some would come in or evolve... 

Yeah, it was a mess in my head. 

Still, like all your comics, it was enjoyable to read. 
Lots of great action that you're so good at. 
The scene with Devidramon was really sad. :c

And I thought the ending to this one was interesting. 
I like that you didn't actually win, considering you said you 
didn't have to this round. It makes for a more intense story I think.
Was a bit funny too. XDD Poor Hronawmon and Lavvy. 

I'm also wondering about the end there~

Good luck in the judging ma'am. I feel you will do well though!! VuV

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

cupil [2014-11-20 21:39:01 +0000 UTC]

I had a lot of mixed feelings over this round in general. It's gonna be a lot of stuff organized(admittedly poorly) from negatives, working down into stuff I was middle ground about, onto stuff I straight up liked with little to no complaint. I apologize if I come off as harsh in some parts, and/or unclear in others. 

First the Negatives

• Poor characterization of most everyone involved. Your own characters act like they've regressed away from the progress they made over the course of the tourney. Not able to speak for others, but basics like Bilbo's blindness should have been written down with rainbow highlighters and arrows. But the biggest bother is how..No one looks good, not the judges, not the opponents, not even Dragon soul. This is one of the biggest cases of 'please cheer for these characters because they are the main characters/protagonists, they are right because I say so'(the Devidramon grieving scene being the largest highlight of this complaint) The judges show more concern over the arena than the contestants(Athena getting attacked when people still assumed that she was human being the only exception), I know rules say you can do anything but this played way too closely to the 'but don't kill each other' border that the grievous injuries throughout just looked like needless suffering. Two of the Generals are so passive they might as well be furniture. Lavvy herself seems to have utterly discarded the growing thoughtfulness that she showed throughout the tourney, and she passes off her job onto Devidramon, contributing only with whatever random Xros pops up, and prior to that it's implied she was spacing out all over the place. I know she's been mulling over the hollow arm thing, but poor in-story performance is still poor in-story performance. 
• Xue, while probably the only one actively commanding, is such a wimp in the rest of his actions or implied to be. Maybe I'm reading too into it but there's heavy implication that the judge's were looking down at his decision to use a medic, and even if that wasn't the intention, the other contestants certainly expressed their disdain. "No" roars Lavvy with a nightmare face, "It's not fair" screams Zeke. Jakobi remembers that he's there and is the only one that turns Athena's offer down politely. Overall, this is treated as an underhanded and sneaky(despite it not being against the rules, if cutemon tagalongs and Levian's tagalong Cockatomon  can heal so can this tagalong Mervamon) No, I looked into that rule over and over and there doesn't seem to be anything to imply that the judge's can turn it down. In fact, it's noted here  that the judges(fair to assume that this would also apply in-story) would only object to Athena or any other tagalong fighting. 
• Considering how violent the battle is overall it just seems horribly neglectful and foolish to turn down and/or be so dismissive of medical help. Especially when it's Athena who's the one that tends to the critical Devidramon later on, Lavvy responds with hostility..hostility to a doctor approaching her dying friend. This just reflects so badly on your General character, both as a person and as the leader of her army. It just seems purely based on her affiliation with Xue, Athena had done nothing aggressive at all at this point and continues to do so. She could've easily knocked Devidramon out in retaliation for the dragon's ambush, but she didn't. It could be argued that she was being mindful of the 'tagalongs can't fight' rule, but still. It just seems like unfair judging considering how the story expects readers to feel sympathy for Devidramon's dying, despite her past, and overall cruelty this round. But maybe I'm meant to dislike Dragon Soul's actions here? Athena does call Lavvy's irrationality out. 
• For the sake of accuracy and preventing future frustration for all parties involved. I recommend asking questions then saving/writing down the answers in an easy to access place. Or if such resources are already provided use them, and listen and/or pay attention when it's noted that something is dated information. Being so dismissive on depicting characters that aren't your own poorly, doesn't reflect well on you as a writer/artist and damages any future complaint you may personally have if someone does the same onto you. 2 way streets and all that jazz, y'know? 
  
• Ignoring character development like Alexis' becoming less cowardly over time. In your entry she fumbles and panics, and gets made out to be a fool for most of the entry. I think it could've saved some time if the whole scene of Huckmon dominating her had been cut out entirely. Especially since Al was both super evolved and Xrossed at the time, she wins out at the end but everything before that is nothing short of embarrassing. She..She's a good fighter, if not a great one, she just has crappy self confidence. Heck she's the one who created the training regiment notes in my 4.5, sure she didn't directly participate at the time but it's not like all skills and knowledge go out the window after one missed session. So not even Huckmon's super special-ness and training doesn't justify the one-sidedness of that conflict. The mini victory is also undermined by her falling for Devidramon's honestly bone-headed strategy afterwards. Alexis herself is just horribly inattentive throughout the whole thing, which contradicts her cautious and observant nature. 
• I know data is less gruesome than blood and bone, but the severity of the fighting contradicts the whole nature of the tournament, and borders on being mean-spirited. The use of a chaotic battle to parallel devdramon's past is an interesting concept, but one that falls flat because well. Full scale battles between good and evil does not equal friendly four way free-for-alls. Maybe it could've worked if the brutality was called out, but nothing was said about chopping someone in half, or when someone was being eaten alive. It's not like the judges aren't there as there's the intro and separate scenes where they raise a stink over arena destruction, but don't bat an eyelash over everyone trying to go for each other's throats. nothing beyond "everyone's getting damaged". so much for "Don't kill each other."
• How does this make Dragon Soul look good? The scene with Devi dying looks hypocritical as it devalues the lives she hurt and/or neglected. I know I have my own former evil teammates, but I thought I was being consistent with the fact that Ark and Metal's past behavior/history were not okay and never will be okay. There's focus on atonement with those two, that just doesn't exist with devidramon, by your own admittance of 'Devidramon MAY agree to deny her instincts, but that's only fro Lavvy.. she is still really evil to everyone else.. even medics...' so ya. She gets no sympathy from me -slams sword down- 

Neutral points(apologies if they still mostly lean towards the bad)

• Xue looking like a total doormat with each personal encounter with Lavvy. There rarely a moment where he isn't all 'not in the face' whenever Lavvy even so much as furrows a brow at him. Though I guess looking back, while he has moments of being brave and/or expressing aggression it's generally for the sake of others. Like Llamon's abuse in the mine, and when he argued against Alexis putting herself down. When personally attacked and/or called out, he either argues back nervously or meekly agrees. So even if I'm getting second hand embarrassment with every scene the two generals interacts..I can't say it's really off base with him to act this way. The lack of any teammates and/or close associates defending him is another thing entirely. (Athena would never throw around the jokes she does in these interactions, she'd sooner break Lavvy's legs than let the latter do the same to Xue.)
• Arkhammon still calling Alexis "Lord Leviamon/Leviathan" he sort of discarded that habit sometime during 3.5, and entirely by the time round 4 rolled around. These moments are sparse though, and the trait is highlighted in the app sheet I'm too lazy to update. So there's feels to be some leniency there. Him taking the brunt of the damage falls in line with the characters devotion for Alexis, even if he'd have toned down the deity worship by that time.
• There are a lot of things from an in story perspective that makes me feel like Dragon Soul shouldn't pass. They were overall brutish and bloodthirsty in their conquest for victory, a general lack of sportsmanship that reads more like it would turn off judges rather than impress them. What little strategy there is, is just Devidramon yelling names and doing things with no explanation with a 99.9% success rate, especially when everyone around her acts dumbly.(Though I admit this bit is more of reader's complaint than anything) In your round 3 there was brutality but at the very least it was acknowledged that Baphodramon's behavior was not okay, and Lavvy earned her keep by actually doing something to solve the issue. Here, Lavvy and crew are practically reveling in it, only contributing to the later 'tragic scene' coming off as painfully hypocritical. Other teams were also brutal but it felt tacked on to help justify Dragon Soul's. So far this is seeming more negative than neutral so I should probably get to the counterargument already. Despite the prior misgivings..I'm willing to concede that Devidramon's strategies did work for the most part, and Dragon Soul did dominate in most if not all of the one-on-ones presented to them give or take some comebacks done by the opponent digimon. The second to last part also shows Purgatory wiping the floor with the three other teams. So there's the 'battle domination' factor...
• I wished Athena's medical expertise could have been handled better. Though this is mostly my own fault for being vague on some of her practices(somewhat on purpose to hide her digimon-iness). She would use a first aid kit and her own data to heal others, but suggesting technology is out of her scope and character. She is bad with technology and her suggesting an Xros made zero sense, that scene just felt like an attempt to detract blame and responsibility away from Lavvy for activating a cruel and brutal Xros like Purgatory. It's not entirely a huge leap in logic to deduce that a fusion between Devi and Kenpendramon wouldn't much better than the hronawmon version in terms of morality. I can't help but sense some deep malice behind going straight for DemiDeckermon while she was in the midst of saying 'that looked close'. It wasn't just never-missile barrage that severely hurt Devidramon, that and Devi put herself into that party of projectiles. (it's probably the one 'plan' that didn't work out for her) This ties back into the points about the overall sense of meanness behind Dragon Soul's brutality.
• I like that you were mindful of battle wounds, and said battle wounds made it clear that non-organic creatures were fighting. But the wound themselves were extremely bright in color verging on eye-searng, maybe dull them a bit more and/or add more black, like the popular exposed digital grid . The brightness and over-saturation got in the way of recognizing characters.
• I wish more research was put into some of the moves used. I'm not sure what your planning and/or scripting method is, but I recommend double checking certain things before going through with them so to avoid inconsistencies. Even before the pen tool hits the canvas and or dialog is typed in, make sure the actions and reactions make sense overall. It may sound like a pain, but new/updated info whether it's from double checking resources or asking the original artist themselves can be quite helpful. Sure there's the possibility that something won't fit and you may need to remake things from scratch, but see that as an opportunity to cut off excess fat, and/or strengthen parts that do already match the facts. It'll strengthen your work overall, like finding out how well pepper and salt compliment each other. 
• I admit to using some brutality in my own entries from across several OCTs. I like myself some violence every once in a while too. It's fun to draw  But that was mostly to emphasize that Xue was/is capable of being a ruthless person, a very negative thing, if not outright scary. But after round 3 and seeing Alex get seriously injured he pushed towards being more careful, at least in terms of not allowing his own in getting needlessly hurt. Though that doesn't really mean the ruthlessness went away, opportunism and all. 
• I did kind of like that scene where Al gets kind of blushy and bashful when she hears Xue say "I don't want you to get badly hurt" only for the moment to get ruined by Xue's focus on the round. I'm hoping he genuinely cares, but is just being an awkward dweeb, and not 'get a load of this jerk! booo". In retrospect it feels kind of weird to have these humanizing scene with a character that probably gets some of the worst battle damage(already pointed out above) save for getting eaten alive.(data or not, such a thing is big no) The end effect is that Dragon Soul looks jerky since they're the source of most of her pain throughout this round. Al's been brutalized/seriously hurt before in R3, but Nonie's Digimon would back off if it was apparent/clear that Alexis was vulnerable/probably unable to continue. It was also an overall consequence of Alexis pushing herself too hard that round, and Xue being too aggressive and opportunist to be mindful/careful. If the intention is for the reader to raise their brow at Dragon Soul's violence-then okay- but the narrative paints the violence as common place and permissible. So 

Positives

• Genuinely impressed you were able to color the whole darned thing. This round was unanimously murder on everyone involved, so I gotta give credit where credit's due, and applaud the level of completion. 
• I liked that you included Athena and Knowlmon. Xue asking her for medical assistance makes sense. Even with the above misgivings. I feel that you got her somewhat calm demeanor down, I think I probably already mentioned displeasure at some of the dialog choices, namely her jabs at Xue. She has poked fun at others before in my own material, but context counts for a lot. She's consistently serious with the kids, the closest thing to a jab at them is when she was basically scolding them for wasting time on the internet when they could be exploring the world with the newly introduced Knowlmon back in 3.5. She only really jokes with Metal and Knowlmon, and exclusively so, oldies poking fun at other oldies basically. Anyone else she's pretty quiet, more of an action person than a talking one.
• I did really like how creepy you made AniLlamon some straight up five nights at freddy's there XD; I also liked that you showed off the mad scientist in the inside, if it had to be Bilbo who found him then I think you should've went with scent like "Ew, what smells like old people?" Or have someone else on Trust busters spot Llasworth like Jakobi(though he'd probably need some eagle vision to do so) or Grampa.
• Alexis' moments of compassion and concern fit the character. Like when she didn't want to go too far with Huckmon and was relieved to see that Devidramon could be saved from her critical state. 
• The fighting was appropriately chaotic given the set up. A good fast pace, like it genuinely felt like characters seldom had chances to breath, but I recommend toning down the amount of "NAME!" or last second "LOOK OUT!'s  it can get repetitive and it partly contributed to the other teams looking weak compared to Dragon Soul. 
• The action was mostly easy to follow, with it getting kind of trickier to follow as it progressed. Parts 9 and onward being the biggest example.
• I liked some of the humor, even if a good portion of it was out of character in retrospect.(Athena's 'jokes' towards Xue.) The stuff between Lavvy and Xue were highlights, I know I expressed annoyance with doormat Xue above, but I won't ignore the joke-y intentions. I'm just not a fan of cringe-comedy, which is what it was from my perspective, being Xue's creator and all. 
• Xue and Alexis's intro was interesting, and nice that Jojo was brought up. It did fairly well in establishing their different outlooks, with Alexis worrying greatly about Jojo's whereabouts, and Xue trying to keep things positive by pointing out that their current location probably has 101 resources to help them search. Though I question the use of the agumon swarm, was that just a way to force them into the arena as soon as possible instead of letting them do some searching for Jojo in the city? Or just something to make them look foolish? I'm hoping it's the former and not the latter considering no one else entered in a goofy, slap-sticky manner. The only other entrance that was slightly humorous as well, was Raptordramon's excessive speed and Hronawmon expressing shock that they had made it there first.(Heh, nice callback) 
• The super evolution animation was cool, and I especially liked the music swelling up as Alex is going through the evolution barrier thing. I liked Pepsa as Diapsidmon swooping in at the camera, very dynamic. Maybe, sense animations are almost always evolution you can put them on hold for the sake of the rest of story. It probably sounds weird to basically work on a story out of order, I think you can probably post up the thumbnail image first, and label it(place holder) then proceed on with the story/comic. Though this is mostly just an idea mostly for regular digivolving and Xrosses, doing it with something big would ruin the surprise. I'm sure the Baphodramon scene wouldn't have had as much impact if folks had to wait for later on its creepy xros sequence. 
• It was genuinely cool for Examon to break the Xros to protect Hronawmon. That guy can be really bad ass when he wants to be, of course he ruins it with his chauvinism XD but I don't mind since it matches the character. I also liked that it expanded upon his bond with Cyberdramon, was nice to see it motivating the surfer later on in the match. Their melodrama being ribbed/made fun of on by Gankoomon was funny.
• I liked Gankoomon, this round was a good look to how he is in a casual setting. He's a good straight man/calm observer to all of the goofier happenings in the Xros Loader.
• Even if it felt inappropriate with the setting and I honestly hated the character during this round, I still find Devidramon fascinating.
• The ending hook was pretty interesting, I'm guessing it's the corrupted/evil version of that Orphanimon that was cradling her dead tamer in that 'heartbreak' panel. Speaking of that heartbreak panel, those 3 flashback panels were some of the most powerful. I would've preferred it if they were bigger, and more dominant, because the content was genuinely great. You had me feeling pretty emotional for two strangers I never met in two simple panels, and feeling for them more than someone I had been following for almost a year.(Like I said before there isn't much atonement with Devi, just a lot of wallowing in guilt)  The order is also noteworthy since I figure it's meant to be an actual mini-narrative of regrets, revenge, and probably even more regret at the end. Thus emphasizing how miserable Devi's existence was before joining Dragon Soul.
• Maybe not a positive but a curious observation: But what was with Alexis' eye near the ending? They looked more beastly, and I'm wondering if this was just a consequence of rushing the last parts out or if this was an intentional choice to reflect her mental state after being basically tortured by Purgatory? I guess it's something I could work with depending on how the results and how the tourney will handle the overall canon.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

The-Fire-Magician [2014-11-20 01:58:12 +0000 UTC]

K, I'll be blunt about this: I think that your digimon comics are absolutely amazing!  And plus I was way too lazy to comment on all the other pages.  I use to comment on all the deviations I saw, but now the laziness has set in on my life.  Anyway!  Great comic!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Big-Bad-Wolfe [2014-11-19 05:07:19 +0000 UTC]

Dang, I'm gone for a little while, and all that insanity happens! xD Such a friggin' intense round, lol.

You did a damn good job handling three teams with all those different digimon fighting simultaneously.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

pouchnoubout [2014-11-19 02:20:17 +0000 UTC]

That's gotta be your biggest work so far right? All the content man. 0-0

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Caretaker-of-Myth [2014-11-18 11:06:55 +0000 UTC]

It's upsetting to me that I have no idea who that Digimon is...I even went through all the Digimon on the Digimon Wiki, and I still couldn't find a Digimon that I thought fit it well enough...but the closest I can guess is Ophanimon Falldown Mode, since it seems to have a scythe and that hair...

I think you made a nice choice with Pepsa winning.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Draconet [2014-11-18 00:56:07 +0000 UTC]

Wait, then; who won?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Yaramazara [2014-11-17 21:37:50 +0000 UTC]

Yes!........NO! So close but, Lavvy I think you needs a specialist for that arm .__. its getting worse.  

Damn though that was an intense! Great job with chaotic round. 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Helios-No-Jinn [2014-11-17 20:31:28 +0000 UTC]

That figure looks like Gallantmon... 

Holy shit, this round was insane. 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Galordeus [2014-11-17 20:27:37 +0000 UTC]

I must see the previous pages.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SpeedAction [2014-11-17 17:33:01 +0000 UTC]

Wait... So you... Lost?
Would that mean that Pepsa would still be doing the next round even if you won this one?

Wait... How does the last round even work now if there's only one left?

Also... The whole philosofy of "She won because she was just having fun"... Isn't that a little... sad?
The only one who had no intention nor will on winning wins just because of it? While the others who desired it so direly lot simply because they did?

Oh well... That's how things rolled here I guess.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Cannonfodder10503 [2014-11-17 15:46:08 +0000 UTC]

Well, congrats to Pepsa than. 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Sarokophoenix [2014-11-17 13:12:53 +0000 UTC]

And the dinosaur was like 'NOPE!'

Oh shit that arm!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

spud133 [2014-11-17 10:27:41 +0000 UTC]

Hidden by Commenter

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

xXAMemetic-EngineBXx [2014-11-17 09:51:26 +0000 UTC]

Poor Lavvy, he lost...and I'm not talking about his arm but the match. Oh well, his partner got his revenge on that reptile dude.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SelenaRH [2014-11-17 09:16:19 +0000 UTC]

Is Lavvy a digimon? Lavvy has gotta be a digimon with that arm.

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

RedWingsDragon [2014-11-17 09:15:01 +0000 UTC]

and it turned into a ballroom blitz!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1