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iamafraid — email .one.
Published: 2005-11-19 01:22:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 413; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 90
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my [his nickname], you're so sweet. i want to hold you. i want to give you everything you want, everything you think you lack, everything you deserve. i want to kiss you in the pitch black of the night, where the whole world falls away and nothing exists except the feeling of two souls meeting, grasping as tightly as is possible to that moment of togetherness, all external sounds and smells and feelings spinning around and fading to a tingling nothing as the dark envelops us in a blanket of safety. i was at first feeling very hesitant to love you, not wanting to make myself again so vulnerable (having had so little time to mend and become whole on my own), not wanting to put myself (and you) into an unpredictable situation full of variables like [girl's name] and france and then your graduation and retreat from baltimore. i was afraid, but today you kissed me in front of the main building and i headed back down to dolpin and on my walk i realized that in my eagerness to experience all the world has to offer, i ought to slow down, turn around, and offer to the world as much as i have in me, and a new idea occurred to me: the idea that maybe some of my contributions are not going to be the larger things like activism and art and architecture, but the things that are uniquely mine that i share with those in my life. it's a very personal, intimate idea, and i'm not so accustomed to the personal and intimate; the idea frightens me, especially because it feels so right. i thought (and think) that maybe by allowing as many people (one at a time) as i can to become as close to me as is possible, some of what's within me might seep into them, and by that same process might later transgress even greater boundaries, if not directly then by influence. all the little things -- quirks, concepts, questions -- i've come by those through whatever means for whatever reasons, and probably not for nothing, i have been so lucky to receive, i must return in output. do i not owe it to the world to explore all possibilities as thoroughly as i can? i think it's quite romantic to involve another in that process, and certainly a helpful reflective in the thought process. i want you to be mine, [his full name]. i want you to be my boyfriend and my best friend and my greatest source and resource, and i want to be yours. i want to teach you every last thing i know, and i want to learn every last thing you have to share with me. i will not be afraid, not for any reason, because walking away some day, whenever we part, we will both be that much wiser for the wear, and is that not what life is all about?Related content
Comments: 40
I'm sorry to say i find this piece a bit hollow and fake. It seems as though you're beautifying something that you're trying to make exist, like you're trying to prove all these words to yourself and him to make u worthy of his love. To me, this is a story, or a romance novel, it's all a fantasy or what u think love should be. I find this letter to commercialised, like you've been reading too many romantic books, or watching movies where someone always yerns for the one they loves touch. You're a good writer, but most of what you have written sounds a bit exagerated.
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I'm sorry to say i find this piece a bit hollow and fake. It seems as though you're beautifying something that you're trying to make exist, like you're trying to prove all these words to yourself and him to make u worthy of his love. To me, this is a story, or a romance novel, it's all a fantasy or what u think love should be. I find this letter to commercialised, like you've been reading too many romantic books, or watching movies where someone always yerns for the one they loves touch. You're a good writer, but most of what you have written sounds a bit exagerated.
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It's not a piece, it's a real email; she's just saying what she feels. Life is as grand or dull as we make it.
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i realise it's an email, but cant u see as pretty as it sounds... it's not real. the tone is all wrong 4 a real email.
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"the tone is all wrong 4 a real email."
A "real" email is whatever the person writing it wants it to be, my dear. Hate to rain on your parade of raining on =iamafraid 's parade, but she's writing what she feels, and that's all that matters.
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... i'm saying my opinion on it... i'm not raining on her perade, i'm happy shes happy, I'm commenting on what she has posted on her site. And i said it was good writing.
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My mistake, I didn't realize you meant "hollow", "fake", and "commercialized" in a good way.
But you are of course free to say whatever you want about it, I'd certainly never oppose free speech, no not ever. I'm just sad you haven't found the sincerity in her work; but then, if this is the first that you've found that she's written, it's understandable. Come back to it when you know her a little better, and it will mean something more.
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Ah, but what good are good words if they carry nothing?
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words dont have arms or legs they can carry much
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thank you for your input.
interestingly enough, i've never read a "romantic" book -- ever -- and i do not like "romantic" movies, and the only movie i've seen recently enough to remember is "the incredibles." in fact, i minimize my interaction with the "commercial" world. If anything, I've been called too short-sighted before because I am so, so out of touch with things like that . . . so i do find it very interesting that that's what you got from it . . .
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Also innocence is a huge part of your writing i can see. Thats a good thing in some aspects, people dont want to hear about about pain and hurt and rape and murder, Love is a god topic.
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<< my old account, which can perhaps put me in a greater context
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mm, well I'm a writer myself as a profession and i find that i always seem to make things sound better then they are in real life. Please dont be offended by it, i think it must just be my depressive view on the world that makes me think that the thoughts in your head and your true feelings are probably not the same.
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i'm not sure what you mean by "in real life." are you saying its weakness is that it was an email? i'm not offended, just a little confused.
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no no, real and fantasy are different, and i just think maybe you're kinda confusing them.
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no no, real and fantasy are different, and i just think maybe you're kinda confusing them.
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Oh, he's very real. He's very, very real. It scares me how real he is.
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but do really believe he kind of love youre talking about can last?
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I do not expect to be with him forever; I do not imagine I would want to. I'm not sure I want to be with anyone forever . . but until he graduates, I see no reason we shouldn't enjoy whatever exactly it is we've found in one another. It's not often I find someone who fits so well. In fact, he's only the second who has. So yes, I do believe we ought to make the most of that, which is exactly what we're doing, and unless his semester abroad entirely changes his perspective, I foresee no separation.
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when i read this i felt like you were putting yourself out on a big empty stage with a million bright lights pointing right at you. for that i think you are extremely brave.
it made me feel both awesomely happy, light and in love but it also made me very sad. i also envy this love you feel. it is so fucking beautiful and i am jealous.
you are such a damn beautiful and strong person. when you wrote "i was afraid". . .it made me smile. not "i am afraid" like i always see in you but "i was afraid". i am happy for this.
the world would be a better place if everyone had a little bit of you inside them.
much love.
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i wish it for you, syd. you deserve good.
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i am touched. this is absolutely beautiful.
i have felt the same. i feel the same. this has struck a chord deep inside of me. i will be rereading this again and again.
you are so gifted. thank you.
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thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou thankyouthankyou
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wow beautiful words, i hope one day i will be able to experince that... very beautiful!
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That's funny. I just tried to type "See" but it came out "Aww" on accident. Let me start over.
See, this is what sucks about being young. Then again I like being "young" for other reasons. I'll explain.
People don't share this feeling at my age. If they do, I'm not aware and I'm missing something somewhere. Girls just want a name to chant about all day long to their friends. A boyfriend is more like a trophy almost. Yet- it's without that deep feeling and passion that every relationship I've had has missed. No satisfaction comes to me from that. None of that matters to me at all.
I feel envious you can have that.
This is why upon receiving this, I would have been more happy than ever before in my life [not particularly from you, note... that might be strange, you being so much older.... then again, I don't think age matters to anything so I just contradicted myself and blah].
I'm glad you shared this. I think it took a lot (or maybe it didn't).
And about your contributions: great idea. I think just the level of thought you got to by achieving that concept is wonderful.
This is one of those letters that should've been "non-electronical." I'd like to see it in an American Culture museum many years from now [pen written]. I dunno if that exists though.
Yes.
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Mmm, thank you, Adam.
And I'm so sorry to say it, but it's not an age issue. It's a people issue. For some reason, most peoples' souls run shallow and murky. At fourteen, I loved as deeply as I do now, I just didn't have so many years of experience under my belt. Now I'm more lived-in. I'm not old, just tiptoeing near its edge. How I came to possess a passionate soul is beyond my imagining, and now it just is what I make of it. I love the idea of making you happier than you've been in your life, and most sincerely hope you will soon enough find what it is you crave, by whatever means.
Albeit not in pen, I'll keep 'em coming.
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You're right.
I feel the same way I know I will, I just "cannot" show it. Well... I am afraid. And it's youth that scares me. No. I lied.
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In this I see what I've always thought and known you are, and have. A picture of you is worth these thousand words.
But,
what really stuck out to me was a line toward the end. i will not be afraid. Reading that was something akin to looking over the edge of a cliff and being given a glimpse of the nearness of mortality. That moment of recognizing that something real, that something is true. I am happy for you, for this step away from those grim landscapes in life which are governed by fear. Come out, dear girl, to where the sun is shining and the hills roll with laughing wind. i will not be afraid.
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This makes me want to be in love. Or dwell on moments of love. In more ways than between two people, but you knew that. And it makes me want to be a poet, especially in the begining, nice rythm ..makes me want to be a poet and run in the rain. Sounds honest and unsure. it's great, we should be friends.
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tee hee hee alright mackenzie
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and it will be so good
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That is both beautiful and inspiring.
I am moved by it!
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