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icklefluffywolfy — Sensorium
Published: 2003-12-09 00:24:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 1105; Favourites: 12; Downloads: 407
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SensoriumI would spread rose petals on the floor for you to walk upon
A crimson silken carpet to caress your soft bare feet,
A glittering chorus of faery voices would, with sparkling song,
Enchant the atmosphere about thee with harmonies magically sweet.
Exotic incense would sumptuously perfume the air
By a seductive, sultry fragrance would thine senses be embraced,
As upon thine lips, all soft as velvet and full and fair
Lingers the intoxicating richly opulent, sensual, red wine taste.
The whole room washed in a warm amber glow
From the playfully flickering, dancing, candle light
To your glittering eyes the magical half-light would show,
A vision of entrancing beauty and pure romantic delight.
All the tired, weary cares of this world shall be expunged,
As we let the language of our love be spoken in tongues.
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Comments: 37
I love everything, especially the croppping and lighting.
It works very well overall!
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so sensitive and loving, yet not to gushy. its beautiful
i havent been in the best of luck on this whole subject of love
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i've never read anything written by a male, that is so full of romanticism and sensitivity. you never cease to amaze me.
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yes definetly *sigh* it seems to be warming me even though the blasted weather outside is frightful, and this poem you wrote is so delightful...antway, the words and mixture of the sences is exquisite.
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I noticed you used certain words as "you" , and again as "thee". I suggest, and this is merely a suggestion, that you revise it and either have them all sound poetic, or not. I don't like the mixture of the two, it never sounds right and the rhythm suffers.
Otherwise, this piece is really a beautiful poem - definitely has the magnificence of a sonnet, you did very well there.
Sorry if I sounded like an asshole, I never mean to be - it's just there's normally no other way to get the expression out the way you want it, you know?
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You know, having looked at it again, and gone back to the poetry books a bit.... I really couldn't agree with you more! 
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Mmm....gimme.
Or, you could say "thy"...sounds smoother than thine but still has the fancier qualities of aristocratic, old-fashioned prose....^^
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Thank you! 
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nice imagery, but "thine" = your. keep it simple. it kinda seemed like you were trying to sound sophisticated in some parts...
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"As we let the language of our love be spoken in tongues"
My favorite line! And I must say, normally I will simply ignore sonnets because the form annoys me, but yours definitely did not. Good job!
My only critique would be that I think sometimes the "thee's" and "thine's" get in the way. "As upon thine lips, all soft as velvet and full and fair" is the particular instance that stands out for me. I get that you're trying to add to the "atmosphere" using older language, but I think, at least in this line, it just breaks your flow. My advice would be to look over your poem, and any time you use a "thee" or "thine", make sure that it works for you.
~Julie Ann
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Much thanks for your comment and having looked at it, yes, I see your point. I think partly it's the combination of having both the archaic ('thee') and the modern ('you') in there together. Methinks it may work better if it was more consistent. Yes, I think that's one of my bad poetic habits I still has to iron out generally. But anywho, thanks so much for the comment, it was most helpful and much appreciated!
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When reading this, it was almost as if I was actually there, beholding all of this. Your wording and description give this particular piece great strength. Your expression of love is also exquisite. I can only imagine the reaction of that special someone if this were at all possible. Magnificently written.
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The whole room washed in a warm amber glow
From the playfully flickering, dancing, candle light
that painted such an extraordinary picture for me...well done, sweetie.
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i like this alot.. beautiful imagery, well worded (at sometimes too long winded) but it is defenatly a verry good poem and you appairently have a lot of talent...
i dont pretend to be an expert at this stuff so take my comment cum grano salis
really lovely imagery
~ A glittering chorus of faery voices would, with sparkling song,
Enchant the atmosphere about thee with harmonies magically sweet. ~ = ahh.. such a great 2 lines
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Wow, it's beautiful. I can almost imagine the room and the feelings and just.... everything. So breathtakingly beautiful. Awesome job.
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Awesome...poem...sesories...overloading. ..must...plus...fav...before...collapse. ..
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That was really beautiful. From the first few words the rest just flowed, wonderful images, sensitive words...
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"I would spread rose petals on the floor for you to walk upon"
that line just stood out
and yes indeed it is sensuall but also breathtakingly sweet.
...and finally you wrote andother poem 
...hmm now i have the urge to write
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Sounds so beautiful! 
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Well written...a beautiful visage indeed. You dream in some very cool colors...*takes notes*
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you're so fucken romantic wolfy, so much emotion.
no bull shit chick-flick romance either. that ending
As we let the language of your love be spoken in tongues
aw man, that's awesome. you're the best.
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wow... *sigh*
so beautiful my friend... so romantic
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wow. that was absolutely gorgeous. i can't seem to contemplate how you weave such words together like that... wow. you amazed me, once again. beautiful work.
congrats !
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*melts* yep, see that puddle? that would be me on the floor. *sighs* beautiful as always.
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ohh, this is beautiful, such vision and insight,
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now that is some wonderous imagery dear wolfy....it makes me dream of most enchanting things.
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this has a beautiful atmosphere! i love the images, very soft and sensual piece. 
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Beautiful descriptions you can almost feel the warmth radiating from your words, Wonderful Work!
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