HeartOfTheAshes [2010-12-23 00:28:24 +0000 UTC]

I get the impression that the narrator regrets a lie she told...

The third and fourth stanzas are what drew me to this work. So much good poetry is made of the "mundane matters." (: At first I read "or the countertop" as "on the countertop." I thought that worked well because it located the glass of water and made that part of the scene more concrete. The idea of metamorphic laws also intrigues me. How would the narrator have crumpled? "Metamorphic" being mentioned, I thought of rock or dirt crumbling, but I don't know if this is the impression you meant to leave.

I like that you found a way to say the narrator couldn't look into the subject's eyes. However, "windows to a soul" is a comparison that has been made many times before, and I think you can say it in a more creative way.

I was firmly grounded in a kitchen scene because you mentioned linoleum and countertop, but maybe you can make the setting more specific. What makes this kitchen unique? Are there vintage posters beside a wine rack? Is there a crack in the wall where ivy grows into the house? (Which brings up the question, is this a modern kitchen or a kitchen in an older house?)

This is an apt representation of shame and I'm glad I took the time to read it.

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