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InconsequentialPoet β€” Poisoned
Published: 2012-02-03 05:55:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 260; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 3
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Description Hear the sirens screaming, hear the thunder cry your name
Hear the dreaded lullabies and fatal drops of rain
Feel the deadly heartbeat pounding underneath your skin
Taste the words of hatred pouring out from deep within
Smell the blood and broken breaths, for you they do surround
Feel the shattered innocence, and in this you shall drown
Feel your body disappear into the poisoned air
Lose the things found recently and break beyond repair
Treasure your last moments, bring the gun up to your ear…
Pull the trigger now, and end the future of your fears…
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InconsequentialPoet - Mommy
Comments: 12

Redrose9726 [2012-04-11 14:33:18 +0000 UTC]

i love it,,,,,, lol.... & it is a bit dramic for spit but buetiful in the poem!!!

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InconsequentialPoet In reply to Redrose9726 [2012-04-12 00:23:59 +0000 UTC]

Yeahhh... XD I tend to be overly dramatic o_o
And thanks!!!

~ MIkki

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Redrose9726 In reply to InconsequentialPoet [2012-04-14 01:35:42 +0000 UTC]

Well I think ALL ur stories are pretty.. Dramtic or no dramtic!!!

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InconsequentialPoet In reply to Redrose9726 [2012-04-14 18:40:55 +0000 UTC]

YAY! Well thank you!!!!!

~ Mikki

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135711cal [2012-02-03 12:13:27 +0000 UTC]

This is good, (I hate saying this about a poem who's subject is suicide) I think line 5 feels somewhat contrived, but that is often the case when you are trying to make a rhyming pattern work. (but it isn't horrible)

You have captured feeling, with good meter and pleasant style.

well done.

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InconsequentialPoet In reply to 135711cal [2012-02-03 15:09:45 +0000 UTC]

In line five, I meant to say broken BREATHS, not broken blood. Blahhhhhh... D:
Thank you very much.

~ Mikki

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135711cal In reply to InconsequentialPoet [2012-02-03 16:10:05 +0000 UTC]

that is much better, and I am glad you are not suicidal. (I understand the the drama)

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InconsequentialPoet In reply to 135711cal [2012-02-04 04:26:03 +0000 UTC]

I'm definitely not, I have way too much to live through.

~ Mikki

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Stefymoondust [2012-02-03 06:47:02 +0000 UTC]

''fatal drops of rain.....'' love it
wonderful worded, a great depiction of the atmosphere and feelings

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InconsequentialPoet In reply to Stefymoondust [2012-02-03 15:10:24 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much dear, means a ton.

~ Mikki

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jtcheney [2012-02-03 06:11:49 +0000 UTC]

very dark and morose, the kind I can easily identify with. Thanks for sharing.

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InconsequentialPoet In reply to jtcheney [2012-02-03 15:10:07 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much!


~ Mikki

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