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InfraredMoth — A Random Scottish Fanfic Chapter 13
#13 #bathroom #cave #explosion #fat #gay #ghost #harry #humor #humorist #jack #london #marktwain #merlin #organization #romantic #run #running #scottish #seppuku #sewer #thering #threesome #tmnt #toilet #twilight #whitefang #wild #wizard #wolf #call #byron #corpsebride #frankenstein #harrypotter #huckleberry #jkrowling #kingdomhearts #maryshelley #samara #teenagemutantninjaturtles #thehost #organizationxiii #stepheniemeyer
Published: 2015-08-22 04:13:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 2312; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 0
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“[T]he odd thing about English is that no matter how much you screw sequences word up up, you understood, still, like Yoda, will be. ...English is flexible: you can jam it into a Cuisinart for an hour, remove it, and meaning will still emerge.”
-Douglas Coupland, Generation A
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The people went through the sewer they came upon da tenant landlordz.....Das TMNTs!!!
" Cont let you dudes through w/0 answearing da sercret question, dude!" The Ninja Amphibians say . "Da question wille prove your good at Englishing. It will like totes show you're worthiness to enter this sarcred layer of The English languadge!'
*0K, lol" saud the LRM squad
"Tha totally tubular secret qestion iz: Do you even English?" Said thr TNTs
"I got this lol.* said RoflSteven. "I be REALLY GOOD @ English! Sometimes, I £nglish so hard that I Scottish!!"
The TNMTs bowed and let them in.
the secret headquarters of MERLIN was a sight to behold it was really really big and it had marvelbuttresses everywhere studded with sexy diamonds and Joules. It was too bad it was all in a sewer coved in rat guano and thar wuz gatorz snappin @ everyone heels.
" U can enter our evil lair anytime u wishy . Just go in thru any baffroom in Clog City!" The vfox sad
Rofle Paul didn't like that idea. he hadn't had such good luck with bathyspheres so far on dis trip.
"So wat is MERLiN?" g asped RoflBen.
(author's note: their guess about MERLINn being an organ nation was right on the money just so none of us get lost OK. ('3 )
So ya MERlIN used to be Merkle the wizard like in king Author times. But he was old so he ended a legacy. THIS is that legacy ur standing in it rite now!
"really I thought that was the guano" RoflPaul rolfed.
How dare u!?" Said the voice witch was actually Achebe lik we've ben lurning in hi schol
"Me personally I'm Justin standing n a killer crocs mouff" Palladium Billy commented helpfully. "It's OK though he can chew thru da platinum"
"¿but what does Merlin stand for anyway?" Assed Manifold , trying to keep us on Tupac.
Achebe answered da question.... "The Modern English Riters League In da Neverlands !!"
"Өur evil orgy has been looking every wear 4 suck ass fics. Then we send them to rehab wiff our comb brined skills."
Aside from Achebe, thar stood the other greats of Engrish litatr at the platinum. On the one corner was Marty Shelly on the other was Jack London, betwizt was Mark Twain ,Lord Byron, JK Rowling and... Stephenie Meyer. he was just here for the free coffee unt donuts
"present us with your suck butt-ass Fick" dey said wisindly
Màng0t stubbed forth an gave them da fic
Jack Longjohns was 1st he took one look and committed seppuku with a white fang. then came Mary Shelley, she lasted a little longer but then took a draft of nicht shade. then there was Lord Byron. (quotation mark) the horror!!!!!" He decreed. he got eaten by a killer croc that's snuckt behind them. Mark Twain was able to with stand a few pages because of his since for humer but he too succumbed to the darkness. he drowned himself under 20 feet of water.
now it was Stephanie Meyers turn to edits.he changed a few words with thesaurus but mostly got crumbs on it. he handed it back to them. "should be fine now" HE said.
uns last was JK Rowling, she looked long and hard at da story. she looked up at the three handsmom Scottish guys, and den with a smack of her lips, said:" I'd ship it..."
"go now and never return" Achibi said looking upon his ruined orgy.
They started to go.
acHebe pulle d out a stick of TNT... “Vat the hell.”
The scottish randomizers began to feel doomed. If the grand master sensei s could not repulse the evil syntax of this fic, what hope lied with lowly senpai s such as themselves?
`”WHO're U CALLING A SENPAI YOU ICHI-BAN BAKA KUSO DESU!!!??? “ desued Mango-kun “I went to college, ye effing plebs Xp”
Just then, they heard a boooom! and everythings fell apart. PuB, Mambo and RoflPaul gasped and ran away from Achebe's expo.
“Later dudes!” Da TMNT Turtles said ninjaly as they exploded.
Explosiion flamed in-X-orably down da passage. It plunged toward our hapless harrowed heros.
And... it began to chase.
Closer.
Closer.
Closer.
9000 ft away, 20 ft, 1 FEET!!!
Oh No. they taught. One more ' toward this furious funky fireball and they would be done for!
¿"now what do we do 00?" Axed PtB? As dey began to panick.
Suddenly a toilet lid lit up the cavern, they stoppt to see who was opened it? ...Samara from fhae RING!
She reached sexily w/ a pallid hand. They take. She heaved them all out thru the toilet.
The implosion was still in hawt pursuit, the toilet almost puked it out-- but Samara closed the lid.
+ROFLPAUL I LUV U WILL U MARRY ME B MY FOREVER!!!???+
“wAT no way, man. “ RoflPaul sneered ” U tri to kill me, member?”
+Only cause i wuv u. C, Imma ghost so the only way for us to be togedder was to kill u i'm sorry pls+
RoflPaul could nut refuse- the matted hair, the blanch skin and gaping cave eyes, she was drop-dead sexy, (geddit?)
RoflPaul took her wet cadaverous hand in hers, makin a squeeky sound like 2 frogs doing the grind “Imma sorry my lil voodoo doll, I'll kill myself soon ass I can butt 1st I gotta take care of somefink impotent.”
OK she left 2 go find a ring
¿"now what do we do 00?" Axed PtB? As the trio left da girls room into Prague City.
“You may DIE!” Said something dark, sinister, and selfy-aware.
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Comments: 3
Definitely can't do this with Japanese. Say something with the wrong speed of pronunciation, it can change the meaning, write the wrong stroke on a kanji character and confusion reigns. Of course, comedians love to do exactly these things, and foreigners often do it with hilarious results.
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So this is probably extra painful for you, right? What level of Japanese speaker are you? I'm like a 0.2.
Please don't hate me too much for this stupid thing. The errors in this are intended to be groan-inducing.
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Not painful at all, and my English skills are going backwards..... I luckily have a Roget's Thesaurus, a gift from one of my grandmothers, and I love languages. One of my hobbies is linguistics, especially how languages work, how they associate, where/when words come from. My wife gets upset with me because in Japanese, I sound often like a yakuza gangster when relaxed.
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