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Innocence-Maintained — Stars Colliding
Published: 2006-07-31 03:55:17 +0000 UTC; Views: 303; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 3
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Description night time twinkles

(an audience
of uncountable millions
watches)

and a dead beat poet
works the street.

suffering
a bad case
of
decompression sickness.

"i followed the white rabbit
down
       down
               down
the white rabbits hole
      you see
'life' is just a by word
for a long hard pain in the arse
and the white rabbit
is a hell of a lot more fun
            than
that damn monkey
resting
         on my shoulders"

dirty glitter
smatters around her eye lids
residue from nights before
and
mixed with the ash of collided
stars
the shimmer fell soft
upon her deaf ears.

sometimes it seems
the whole world is deaf

in a place
where we starve for salvation
covering our naked bones
with the chains
of the latest trends

yet

the night sky still gleams
as it has
for uncountable life times.

stars

they know there place
(certain)
in the dark
a depth
           a black
   we fear
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Comments: 25

Footnoting [2011-12-28 01:48:05 +0000 UTC]

Wow!

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sungoddess667 [2006-09-29 15:29:37 +0000 UTC]

Makes me feel at home in the universe!

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Innocence-Maintained In reply to sungoddess667 [2006-09-30 05:32:00 +0000 UTC]

"good morning starshine, the earth says hello" *comunes with the universe* haha, you totally got my poem

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Glitterati [2006-08-13 21:17:42 +0000 UTC]

I'm going to have to fav again . I love what it represents, and the imagry and the metaphors. Very good write!

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Innocence-Maintained In reply to Glitterati [2006-08-14 12:46:20 +0000 UTC]

yay!
i'm glad you like it and got it, i love it when people semi relate to my poems, even in their obscurity!

Luisa xoxo

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underworldriver [2006-08-02 13:07:00 +0000 UTC]

Wow. My dear, just wow. I like the play of twisting emotions. The complication is so good that i don't know how to comprehend. Though its difficult to understand it was truly beautiful. And as long as you know what it means thats all that matters.

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Innocence-Maintained In reply to underworldriver [2006-08-03 08:14:54 +0000 UTC]

Yeah i know what its about, but its better if we all interperate what we will i think. Poems are meant for oursleves one way, and the outside world another way.

Luisa xoxo

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underworldriver In reply to Innocence-Maintained [2006-08-03 12:44:11 +0000 UTC]

True.

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emotionless-drifter [2006-08-01 12:07:33 +0000 UTC]

hmm i havent read anyone else comments so sry if i repeat things kk ya know that word that starts with S end witt TRESS neway sry about talking about myself, as for this piece of work you have done i think it should be rewritten i mean my my yes it is a beautiful pice as usual but it needs something different i mean your poetry is always full of emotion which i love but always so sad makes me worry about you and umm i think the big standing out "ARSE" word should be changed throw a thesaurus on ur lap and have a looky! neway love the white rabbits hole just before pain in the arse and really would love to see this piece redone with arse and with a happier ending sequence (even if u only send it to me id love to see it your work is truly an inspiration)

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Innocence-Maintained In reply to emotionless-drifter [2006-08-01 13:23:06 +0000 UTC]

hahaha thanks, i dont think my thesaurus has the word arse in it, lets check shall we...nope. But yeah maybe i'll change it, i guess its not very poetic...but its how people round here speak. what do you think it should be changed to? I'll fiddle with it, and tell you when its changed, and if i dont change it on here i'll send it to you via the note system on dA lol
thanks for your input hun,
what do you mean about stress? are you ok?

Luisa xoxo

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emotionless-drifter In reply to Innocence-Maintained [2006-08-03 10:16:18 +0000 UTC]

thanks and ill try and think bout what could be better

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communisttwinkie [2006-08-01 02:12:46 +0000 UTC]

wowza

hANd

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Innocence-Maintained In reply to communisttwinkie [2006-08-01 05:17:52 +0000 UTC]


thanks m'dear!!!! so much

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DrowningByWords [2006-07-31 22:52:16 +0000 UTC]

the imagery you conjure up is so beautiful, compelling and lasting
love the structure
this part is my fave....
'.....dirty glitter
smatters around her eye lids
residue from nights before
and
mixed with the ash of collided
stars
the shimmer fell soft
upon her deaf ears.'

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Innocence-Maintained In reply to DrowningByWords [2006-08-01 05:18:58 +0000 UTC]

thanks!!! it took me a while to write and i'm pretty happy with the end product

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Tianta [2006-07-31 22:05:11 +0000 UTC]

wow...really heartfelt hunnie....

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Innocence-Maintained In reply to Tianta [2006-08-01 05:19:36 +0000 UTC]

thank you, it was...though it took a few days to write, sometimes getting my thoughts down on paper is harder than i could imagine!

Luisa xoxo

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Tianta In reply to Innocence-Maintained [2006-08-03 17:19:21 +0000 UTC]

hehe, that sux...sort of. I wrote a poem last night after Andrew went home...he stayed the day at my place.....

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Innocence-Maintained In reply to Tianta [2006-08-04 02:34:39 +0000 UTC]

oooh a poem? can i see? or have you subnmitted it?

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wiccakitten [2006-07-31 14:02:26 +0000 UTC]

Too perfect for words.

the only thing that caught my eye was the word "arse"
but I know why you used it there
and it bothers me very little {if at all}

once again
Jewel inspires our linebreaks

wonderful, love, simply wonderful

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Innocence-Maintained In reply to wiccakitten [2006-08-01 05:26:56 +0000 UTC]

well thank you, i'm about to check out your latest writing piece now!
yeah, i can see the arse does stick out a bit, may play with it a bit...
I'm so glad you liked it though

Love Luisa xoxo

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wiccakitten In reply to Innocence-Maintained [2006-08-01 16:32:32 +0000 UTC]

I would tell you to just use the word 'ass'.
but many, many people frown on using profanity in poetry
they say it 'interrupts the flow of the piece'

I say the word "rump" interrupts the flow of my piece.

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Innocence-Maintained In reply to wiccakitten [2006-08-02 00:49:31 +0000 UTC]

hmmm, yes i can see where you're coming from, i'll see what i can do

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iuliaflame [2006-07-31 05:01:10 +0000 UTC]

such a play on contrasts, love it!

I hear your voice!

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Innocence-Maintained In reply to iuliaflame [2006-07-31 12:37:59 +0000 UTC]



thanks hun, your comment means alot to me!!!

Love Luisa xoxo

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