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inspiredcreativity β Getting Ready to Tango
Published: 2008-09-15 12:02:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 2565; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 30
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Me getting ready for a night of Tango. Don't forget to remove the thorns before gripping the rose stem in your teeth. Those were the days.Related content
Comments: 49
Thank you. When you look back at the smiles when I was younger, like this one at age 20 [link] , the smile was genuine because I had finally escaped the abusive and repressive environment of my home and had found a new family in the Maritime Academy. At this age, you still see the innocence and naivety of my Autism. I still knew little of people and the world and knew almost nothing of sex and love. I did not even know what love was, but I knew I hated myself, mostly from internalized homophobia.
When you see me in this image, I am in love and waiting for my date to finish getting ready, so that we could go dance. I brought the rose because we were doing Tango that night. By now I was completely out to the world, and I had fulfilled my dream of retiring from going to sea at age 34 (I had hoped for age 31), and devote the rest of my life to volunteer work and art. so I had a lot to smile about.
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I love to think that there are some times in life when everything just fades away and you find yourself living in the moment, living brightly and with happiness, and your smile definitely proves that!
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Part of finding Happiness is learning how to LET GO and free yourself of all worrying and negativity, especially hate, anger, frustration, etc.
This is my Guide to finding Happiness: HAPPINESS, Fulfillment & Contentment [link]
If you want to get serious about it, there is a much longer version: A PATH TO HAPPINESS [link]
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You are most welcome.
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This is a nice photo of you Mathew! You have such a kind smile!
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Thank you, it is kind of you to say. For my entire young life, up into my 20's, I tried extremely hard to NEVER smile, because I felt even uglier that way. People eventually talked me into letting it happen naturally. I just felt so bad about myself that I saw myself as ugly. I still avoid mirrors, LOL.
There is a juicy story to this. I was with my boyfriend Bob, at his place, and Greg was home that night (we were open) and we were off to Tango. Of course SOME boys take FOREVER to get ready. My rose was wilting. Do you see the silver color tips on the shirt? There are mother of pearl buttons on the shirt front and sleeves. I am wearing a BOLO Tie, made by a Navajo Indian (a Silver bear claw with Turquoise inlay and silver tips on the ties). I have a small collection of Zuni, Hopi, and Navaho Indian Bolos. Then there is my studded belt and shit-kicker cowboy boots (you can't really see the silver boot ties). I changed shits, ties, and color of jeans and color of boots, but otherwise, this is how I danced.
this is when i found out that yes, I could easily love more than one man intensely, at the same time. I bet I could do three easy. I feel like I just have a lot of love to go around. Alas, Men are such PIGS and demand all of meβso stingy...there is surely plenty to go around.
Now, can you imagine me lifting you off your feet and twirly you around a floor, spinning, looping, liftingβgreat fun. You would have a blast.
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You know you are very handsome. I love your beautiful eyes.
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But how can you see my eyes, when I smile they squint. I used to love dancing. I had many friends, it was great exercise, and I got a lot of intimacy, getting to have men in my arms, Lot of them. I was a dancing slut, LOL. I both lead and followed, danced with men and women, and danced for around 4 hours continuously. I could spin you up to 120 RPM, weave us in patterns, or do some very slow sensual and sexy dances. Alas, it is hard to walk now.
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That's the beauty of your eyes, they disappear as if teasing the viewer. So I'm right. You're a tease.
Versatile eh?
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Oh yes, very versatile. I have never understood voluntarily locking yourself into gender roles or sexual roles. I was once locked into a sexual role since my partner at he time would not do anything else.
It tells young gay men two warning signs when meeting and dating men. The worst losers of all are men who ask you how "big" you are. My answer is usually, "WAY TOO BIG FOR YOU," LOL, or just as bad, if they tell you how big they are, in which case I tell them, "YOUR WAY TO SMALL FOR ME." If one of the first things he asks you is if you are a bottom or top, OR he tells he if he is a bottom or top, this is also a bad sign.
I advise young men that when sexual matter are first and foremost in a potential boyfriend's mind, this is not good, because over many years, it is the least important. Dating for potential boyfriends is not like a one night stand. All that truly matters is his personality and general looks.
I say general looks because I was not attracted to Greg at all, not a bit. I just needed a dance partner for the evening. As I got to know him and fell in love with him, he was suddenly very HOT and very beautiful. A lot of men miss out on potential love because they will only date really cute guys.
Greg and I are VERY different kind of guys. This is a challenge, but at the same time, I was introduced a new kind of world, and I introduced him to mine. We are almost opposites. I am highly organized, trained engineer, self-displined, not very social, stay at home,and Greg was the wild man, partied a lot, a zillion social events, tons of friends, a real PIG, no self-disiplin. Out of the fray, both of us are better for it. He is more tamed and I am more wild, and where he is weak I am strong and vice versa. We make a good team, but it is hard to find common ground for activities.
When we first met, we were like two bull in one corral with now cow. After an epic struggle, I became the cow, LOL. He admits I have to do all the compromising and bending, like bamboo in the hurricane. When I say struggle, we have not really ever had a major fight, although tears have flowed, mostly mine. We are both badly damaged by the past. It is the biggest problem. I got help and he has not. But we have always been able to talk and we both are willing to keep trying and working to solve a problem. We even went to marriage counseling once.
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I'll answer this on a note too.
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Thank you. I was crazy about the guy I was going dancing with. This is at his apartment.
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Nice to be crazy about guys, crazy about girls is also good
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YES, yes, definitely good to be crazy about both. But for romance and sexuality, I am all for guys. I have been with one guy for 19 years. But I know people are romantic and sexual for both guys and girls, some at the same time, LOL.
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That's great. Being straight is no must, gays are more cute than straight men 
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Straight men can be cute too, as long as they take care of themselves. Straight guys can be fun to look at, but not touch.
I am seeing more and more gay men together for many years. It is a good thing. Many gay men do not want to settle down because they like having sex with many different guys. They do not realize how intense LOVE can make the sex with one man.
It was hard for Greg and I in the beginning. We are both strong, like bulls. It is like having two bulls in one corral, with no cows, LOL. We learned to respect each other and share the corral, without dominating it. Does that make sense?
I can shock you. I would be willing to have a third guy in our relationship, IF we could all love each other equally. I have plenty of love to go around. Greg says No...for now...
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Nice, gay trio, sounds interesting. You do what you seem is best, and what you like to. In a relationship it's important to respect each other. For instance, if sex is unwanted, that's also okay. I wouldn't wanna have sex, but I can be touched, and I can touch a man. That's the problem, 'cause I couldn't trust anyone much enough...
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The trio will not happen. I am crippled and nobody wants to be involved in that.
Do you mean if someone does not want sex sometimes, or all the time? If sex is never wanted by one man in a relationship, what is the other man supposed to do if the relationship is monogamous (no sex outside relationship)? Respect goes two ways. If the other person does want sex, should that not also be respected?
I can tell you that you that when a partner no longer wants to be sexually intimate, you always feel rejected, undesired, and unwanted. You cannot express your Love through sexual intimacy. You can feel isolated, alone and empty. It is very hard to be around a man who makes you exited all the time, and you cannot ever be sexual with him. You start to resent the him for making you give up your sex life. It seems if there is not going to be any sex, just some touch, maybe being roommates or friends is better. That way the other guy can seek a lover, someone to share his life with completely.
I see sex as a way of expressing love, and as the ultimate intimacyβto be so intimate and trusting of each other that we can be joined inside of each other, all barriers dropped. Kissing is penetration by tongues. It is an intense intimacy where to people are joined together. Sex is the same way, just bigger tongues, LOL.
Why can't you trust anyone enough? Would you like to talk about it? You can use a Note if you want more privacy.
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I mean if someone does not wanna have sex so that virginity will be lost(man and woman) I also see sex as showing love, but different kind of sex exists.Safe sex could be good, so u can keep ur virginity, meaning only touching on the outside, and gently kissing.
I couldn't trust a man much enough to be sure that he wanted completely safe sex(meaning no pregnacy or diseases through sex) 'cause I couldn't stand caring for a child, or take a risk of getting eg hiv.
It's no shame to talk more openly about it
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I see I committed the sin of assumption. I thought you were a man. So sorry. Your DA profile does not say, so I think your avatar nudged my mind that way, LOL.
I am a big believer in maintaining virginity until you find love. This way, "sex as an expression of love" is preserved. Those who engage in a lot of sex without love, usually starting at young ages, like 13 and 14, have a danger of sex and love becoming separated. I know people this has happened to, and it is very sad. Sex with one partner becomes boring fairly quickly. Love is what sustains healthy sex for many years, and keeps your partner looking hot.
Men Can Be PIGS. But some are good people you can trust. Men take longer to mature, to figure out what is more important, and to begin to understand women more.
Some things, like Herpes, there is no protection against. Condoms are not sufficient. Even touching/stroking can transmit it, even with no active sites. So, some risks you cannot really get around, other than staying separated. Hepatitis B is deadly and easier to catch than HIV, but you can get a vaccine and eliminate that danger. I had the vaccine 30 years ago, as part of the drug approval trials, and as of a few years ago, it is still viable.
I can tell you how Greg and i did it. When we met, we dated for 4.5 months before even getting physically intimate (like heavy deep kissing or being naked together). When we decided to become sexual, we both went to the doctor and got a complete blood and culture screen for STD's including HIV. We showed each other the results.
Then we used condoms for sex for six months. Then we went back to the doctor for another complete screening, including HIV. This is because HIV can take up to 6 months for serum conversion. We showed each other the results.
We were NEGATIVE each time, so we stopped using condoms. However, this entails a high level of trust. If one of us were unfaithful, it could bring disease to both of us. We made an agreement. If one of us makes a mistake and has sex with another person, we agree to immediately tell the other, and there will be forgiveness and no break-up of the relationship. This is so there will be no reason not to be honest, by making it safe to be honest. Multiple incidents would mean considering if we should be in a relationship. So far, neither of us has ever been unfaithful in 19+ years.
If it did happen, one of us was unfaithful, we would then use condoms again for another 6 month testing cycle.
In a heterosexual relationship, there is the added problem of unwanted pregnancy. Condoms are not full-proof, but I imagine you know the options better than I do.
So, in this way, you can meet a man, date him, fall in love, become sexual, all without contracting HIV or most other STD's.
Some people think that Greg and I showing each other the actual physical Lab results, implies that we did not trust each other. I reply by saying that Greg and I respect each other greatly, and we understand that when it comes to life and death, there should not be any doubt, and this will help build trust.
Greg and I each had a separate friend. Each friend met a guy by the name of Michael, about one year apart in time. Michael was a deceiver who turned a mean and unfaithful. My friend Matthew broke up with him in about 6 months. Michael said, "Oh, when i told you I was HIV negative, I lied." Sure enough, Michael had given Matthew HIV. Before matthew, Michael and Greg's friend were boyfriends, and the same thing happened. Our friends met when trying to track down stolen property. They became boyfriends. Both became HIV+ from Michael. Michael lied to both of them, knowing he was HIV+. MONSTER
So you should NEVER simply trust a person, even when In-Love, when it comes to things like HIV and Hepatitis B or C.
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HIV & STD SCREENING
HIV and STD screening is not fun, but if you do have something nasty, including HIV, early treatments can make all the difference between life and death.
A Negative test result is a huge relief. However, the HIV antibodies can take up to Six Months to seroconvert (show HIV+). Which means that if you you were exposed to HIV up to 6 months before your test, you could still show up positive on a second test. So testing, to be absolutely sure, is usually done twice, up to 6 months apart. It is most likely NOT 6 months, see the table below.
Out of all people who become HIV+
β¨- 75% test positive (seroconvert) by 17 daysβ¨
- 95% test positive by 2 months (20% more above 75%)β¨
- Over 99% test positive by 3 months (4% more above the 95%)
- 100% test positive by 6 months (1% more above the 99%)
- For the p24 antigen test: HIV antigens can be detected after about 1 week
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I think it a mistake to live in fear of disease. There are ways to manage risk, once you find a guy you become romantically serious with.
I stayed a virgin until age 21, when I got raped. I was particularly innocent and naive because of the isolation brought on by my Autism, plus the Autism made it harder for me to understand the concept of sexual intimacy, if that makes any sense. I had become absolutely desperate for some kind of human contact, or touch. My fantasies were simply of kissing and holding (I did not know anything else was possible).
I went into San Francisco on a weekend pass, by bus. I went to a place advertised in the newspaper. The place was almost empty. I had no idea most gay people don't come out until late at night (back then in 1976). I went to the bathroom and got jumped by two men, one with a knife. When the guy with the knife went to change places with the other guy, I assume to move on to anal rape, he took his hand off my mouth and I was able to spit out the gag, scream, and kickβThey ran. I felt like I guess you would expect one to feel after that. It all had to be kept secret. I knew nothing about diseases, and luckily i did not catch anything. This was pre-AIDS.
Frankly, I still did not have a good idea of what sex was supposed to look like. It would be another year, after I graduated from the Academy, before I tried again. It was very unsatisfactory, then one more time, also not good, left with an empty feeling. Then I met my first partner, Donald. He was only 19, but he taught me all about sex. I loved him and discovered that what was missing was love.
I came to realize that my personality needs to have some kind of emotional or loving connection to be able to enjoy sexuality. Everybody is different I guess.
For some men, it is all about conquest. The scary thing is that some are very, very good at deceit, at putting on a fake and convincing facade, until they get what they want. Beware.
Ok, I have probably said too much, so I will leave it at that.
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Heh, I'm certainly none of the men that my avatar shows, they're men who I like very much. I hape photos of myself posted
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Oh yes, I just looked and saw the photos. I was focusing on your drawings when I was in your gallery. Yes, definitely a woman, lol, and looking very fine.
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Thankies for the compliment,I really look fine?
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I am, after all, Homosexual, so I cannot say from a male sensual viewpoint. But gay or not, I can appreciate the beauty of a woman, from an artistic point of view. I do think you are pretty, although the photograph you posted is missing a big smile.
I believe that the foundation of human beauty is in the eyes foremost, followed by the lips, especially as the face forms a smile. Makeup does not matter to me in general, but I do not like excessive makeup on a woman, because it looks unnatural. I would rather see a woman more natural.
As far as straight men being attracted to you, most of it is chemistry. Men will first be attracted to beauty, based on their own backgrounds. But when they get up close, chemistry kicks in, chemistry of the pheromone kind.
The latest research out of Sweden, I think, was showing that men and women primarily pair based on scent. Each basic genetic type of both sexes have unique pheromones. Men and women instinctually recognize a good genetic pairing. I saw it happen on TV with a test group.
The other thing men look for in a good mate is apparently "Symmetry." So be sure to have good posture. My spine is crooked, so I'm screwed, lol.
There was a time when I looked in the mirror and was disgusted by what I saw. Like in this picture: [link]
Sometimes I cried because I thought I was so ugly. Some people told me I was cute, but i did not believe them. What i saw in the mirror was a reflection of how I felt about myself at the time. I hated myself. I was badly abused and my self-worth and self-esteem were in the toilet.
I settled for my first boyfriend partly because I felt so lucky to find someone who did not think I was ugly. I did fall in love with him, but after I took him with me to Seattle. When I finally got help after my suicide attempt, I started feel better about myself, and the image in the mirror started looking better. Now I can look back at pictures of myself and see the truth that I was not ugly.
The mind has great power over vision. So, if you do not like what you see in the mirror, go to people who you trust to be at least somewhat honest, and ask about how they think you look.
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Well I tried to smile, but it seemed to have failed
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I have trouble giving giant smiles, the kind that make a face look radiant with life. When I was a boy I worked hard at not smiling with my mouth open, and it stuck. I had looked in the mirror and decided I look even uglier smiling with my teeth showing. I had a big gap between my two front teeth.
Smiling with your entire face can really intensify beauty.
Those of us in chronic pain learn how to put on a fake smile when you are great pain. People are not happy seeing you in pain. So unhappy that that stop visiting. So we fake it. We have a name for it, Rigor-mortis smile, the smile of the embalmed dead person.
I imagine that you face lights-up when you are having fun and enjoying yourself, and that alone attracts people to you.
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I don't mind if someone has a gap between teeth, it's fine. Though I try to smile on photos, it seldom works
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HM, perhaps a tickle or two.
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good one, maybe
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You just need proper inspiration, LOL. Maybe this will help:
THE CHEMISTRY OF LOVE
When we have a CRUSH ON SOMEONE, it really does change your brain chemistry in a positive way. How strong your crush is will determine the strength of your brain's response.
β¨β¨When you get a crush or start falling in love, you can get huge surges of energy, euphoria and exhilaration. Beside the rush of endorphins, high levels of dopamine suppress the calming and sensible influence of serotonin, another neuro-chemical that influences mood. In normal doses, serotonin is the antidote to stress; the chemical that calms and relaxes us. But when the brain is drenched in dopamine, serotonin is silenced.β¨β¨
The silence of serotonin serves genetic purposes too, as low levels make us obsess about our newfound lover. New love can look like a mental illness and, during the early stages of romance, the chemical make-up of menβs and womenβs brains is no different from those suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder or OCD. For those who are really struck, obsessing about his or hers marvels or the minutia of the relationship can consume some four hours a day, every day.
β¨β¨So dopamine keeps you focused on the object of your love and sagging levels of serotonin make you obsess about him β¦ and before you know it, the madness has kept the love fires burning long enough to yield an evolutionary purpose, offspring.
β¨β¨If you stay in love long enough, there is another hormone "Oxytocin," which is the key to monogamy and long-term attachment. Oxytocin, the "cuddling" chemical, helps new mothers make milk and bond with their babies. It is secreted by both sexes during orgasm. Some people may have this function genetically inhibited, or genetically stronger, with obvious results.
β¨β¨NOTE: Dopamine is released by brain cells in response to cocaine and nicotine. Dopamine is the key chemical in the brain's reward system, a network of cells that is associated with pleasureβand addiction. Natural Addiction to Love is much healthier.
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Yeah, I guess I need
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Thank you. I really miss being able to dance. It brought a great deal of enjoyment into my life. Now all I can do is watch. Dancing allowed instant physical intimacy with another man or woman. All I had to do was ask "Would like to dance?" And it's not even cheating on my husband. lol We have been together almost 19 years. He's the cute one wearing my blue striped shirt in this pic: [link] .
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i like watch dancing, though i cant dance~ XD
and, whoa~ 19 years 
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Cute and happyβthat's us. XD
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You were blessed with good looks, a great smile, incredible hair and a nice body. It's too bad that you didn't always know it. (I'm not talking about the INSIDE, of course.) I can relate. I was pretty when I was young but I didn't realize until it I was older and not as pretty anymore!!
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Thank you. Yes, when we are young, some of us can be terribly self-critical. Typically it is because we did feel good about who we were on the inside, as in having very low feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. The sad thing is that it would not have taken much in the early years to correct the problem, if anyone had cared.
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So very true. I agree one hundred percent. Here's some love from me to you:
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And back to you too. Love and kisses.
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Thanks! I wish I knew what you said, but I could not translate it online.
Does it mean "People are strange when you're a stranger?"
Regards,
Matthew
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Bene, cum Latine nescias, nolo manus meas in te maculare
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