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Description
So this is it.
This is the rest of my life.
Sitting here.
Just perfect.

It's not like I could move much anyways. All I could do was shift ever now and then, my heart lying on my lap, beating once every few minutes. I could hardly call it alive, it was just surviving.
I can't see how, she was gone, I never even saw her once after she noticed me. I guess it's a good thing I never heard her name, it would only remind me of how I slipped and fell on that patch of ice at the last second.
That was months ago, and I still have  to shake the snow off me every once and a while, the crunching of people walking by as loud as ever, never slowing as they looked over at me….IF they looked at , me.

I heard the slightest thud, on the side of the building I was leaning against, followed by a quiet slid, as someone sat down almost right next to me.
I raised my hand and lifted my hood just a little. My eyes widened at the sight, the first thing I saw were her eyes, gently hiding behind my reflection in her glasses, not unlike my own.
After a few seconds of looking at each other, I noticed she had a slightly shy smile on her lips, as if she didn't know what to say or do.
I looked at her a moment, before I managed to choke out a single word.
"H…Hi" I could barely hear it myself.
I know she heard me though, because as soon as I said hi, that smile grew and revealed a set of braces.
"Hey there" she whispered, a slight giggle in her voice, as well as a lisp.
I couldn't help but smile, not at the lisp, but at the fact that someone could have so much sincerity and kindness in her voice.
I quickly slipped my heart within my jacket, hoping she didn't see the gently pulsating organ. She moved over into a more comfortable position and pulled her hood back, her deep brown hair gently draping over her shoulders.
I decided to pull my own hood back as well, shaking the layer of snow out of my hair.
And we started talking. Anything we had in common brought on whole conversations, bringing us out more and more as we laughed and goofed around.

It wasn't until months later that I even learned her name was Caitlin. She didn't like it, saying it was such a horrible and ugly name, no matter how much I told her otherwise. But none of that mattered, by then we were the closest friends for miles, and she accepted that I wasn't going to give up about her name.

Soon after we met, winter gave way to spring. The Snow melted, the blue jays returned and the trees down bellow slowly budded and bloomed back to life.
  However, no matter how warm it got, I kept my jacket on, afraid of what she would say about my heart, and if she would notice that it skipped a beat every time I saw her. I didn't want her to find out, I knew the outcome if she found out.

Repulsion. Fear. Rejection. Hatred.
I didn't want to lose her. So I kept my heart to myself, stored within the warmth of my jacket, my own thoughts of her keeping it in a constant rhythm.
And I enjoyed it. She was always here when I needed her, and no matter what went on, she always made me feel better, like I was truly wanted.
She made me feel like I mattered in someone's life enough to make a difference.

Less than a year later, the enjoyment turned into pain. I could hardly take it anymore. She was so close, but the most I could do was hug her. I decided to tell her how I really felt on Valentines Day. It only seemed appropriate.
Only three days before however, she asked me something,

"Do you think really close friends could ever be in a relationship together?" she said.

"Huh?...What?" I felt my heart nearly rip it's way out of my jacket.
How could she know? Was it that obvious?
Didn't I do everything to keep her from finding out, to keep my heart hidden completely?

"Like if two friends were really close to each other, do you think they'd ever be able to start dating?..I dunno, it just seems a little too weird to be going out with your best friend, you know? Personally I don't think it would work out."

She might as well have thrown me over the bridge.

"Oh…" I whispered absently. I could hardly think anymore.
Here I was, about to pour out my feelings for her, and I completely forgot about the barrier that friends should never cross.
I dropped my head and tried to keep from looking at her. I slowed my breathing and silently fought back tears, trying to make it seem normal as I replied as quickly as I could,

"I don't know….Not sure, tell you the truth."

Immediately, she knew something was wrong. I stopped breathing as she leaned in. I resolved to tell her, but I still wasn't ready.
I'm such an idiot, I should have waited, I shouldn't have said anything.

"Hey….Are you okay?" She asked as she put a hand on my shoulder.
I didn't say anything. I knew that if I opened my mouth, let alone take my teeth off my lip, it would be to scream.

"It's….because of something I said, isn't it?" she asked, knowing I couldn't keep from talking to her for very long. Suddenly, her eyes widened as she realized,
"Do….Do you like me as more than a friend?"

By then I had calmed down enough to get something audible out.
"Do I have to tell you know?"
"Yes, you don't have a choice."

I looked over at her, tears flooding down my cheeks, I didn't even care at this point.
Before I knew it, I was leaning over, both my hands on her cheeks, and my lips had found hers.
I never expected them to be so warm, and comforting. It was nice. It felt right kissing her, as if our lips were made to be together. I never wanted this feeling to stop.

And suddenly, the feeling was gone. She had pulled away. Hands over her mouth, eyes in fear and shock. Her chest was moving rapidly, I could tell, she was freaking out.
She quickly turned and walked away from me. I knew what it meant, so I didn't stop her, I just stood there and watched as she left. I waited until she was out of sight, before nearly throwing myself over the guardrail, vomiting a bitter mixture of bile and blood into the valley bellow.
Soon it was just blood.
I continued to heave and wretch until there was nothing left, blood running down m jaw and dripping out my nose, the metallic taste burning at my mouth.
Suddenly I ripped my jacket open and fumbled around. Soon I pulled my heart out, beating an irregular beat and covered in blood. It was bleeding everywhere, and this time, I didn't have any snow to pack it in.
After hours of calming down, I managed to stop the bleeding, but the arrhythmia was still there. All I could do was wipe the blood off and throw my jacket over the bridge. I didn't need it anymore, and there was no way all that blood was coming off.
I sat down in the corner between the building and the railing, it seemed to be the only place I knew would be there.
The morning took days to get here. Not like I could sleep anyways. All I could think about was that kiss, and how nice it felt. How perfect it felt to be so close to her.
And how it tore me apart to watch her leave.

The morning came with a surprise.
Caitlin came back. To tell me that we can't be friends anymore, and that she couldn't even look at me in the same way, no doubt. I myself could only look at her for a second, before looking back down.

"H-Hi there" She whispered.
"Hey…"
"Listen….um…about yesterday, I'm sorry I just left like that, I had to go somewhere with my parents."
"Not your fault."

I took a glance at her eyes, and I saw that they were darting back and forth, as if trying to find the right words to say.
She was as unprepared as I was for this conversation.

She spoke up, after a bit of thought.

"About what actually happened yesterday, I….."  She sighed quietly, "I care about you like that too, it's just….I feel weird, you're the closest friend I have, but you already know everything there is to know about me and you still accept me, so I've got conflicting emotions about you, but-"

She had stopped talking then. I had wrapped my arms around her and her vice was muffled in the tightest embrace I could muster.
I laughed a little, her eyes perking up at me.

"And to think I was going to tell you in a couple of days….I even made a little speech explaining how much I cared….All came down to the same thing, huh?"

I let her go just a bit, enough to look into her beautiful eyes.

"I Love you, Caitlin. And I'm happy regardless of what you want me as. I'm happy simply being around you like this.
But how's this, we stay friends for now, and If you want me as anything more,
Well….I'd be the luckiest guy in the world if you did"

She smiled that gorgeous brace-filled smile and hugged me "I think I'll be fine with that choice." She whispered into my ear, before gently kissing me on the cheek.

Description
So this is it.
This is the rest of my life.
Sitting here.
Just perfect.

It's not like I could move much anyways. All I could do was shift ever now and then, my heart lying on my lap, beating once every few minutes. I could hardly call it alive, it was just surviving.
I can't see how, she was gone, I never even saw her once after she noticed me. I guess it's a good thing I never heard her name, it would only remind me of how I slipped and fell on that patch of ice at the last second.
That was months ago, and I still have  to shake the snow off me every once and a while, the crunching of people walking by as loud as ever, never slowing as they looked over at me….IF they looked at , me.

I heard the slightest thud, on the side of the building I was leaning against, followed by a quiet slid, as someone sat down almost right next to me.
I raised my hand and lifted my hood just a little. My eyes widened at the sight, the first thing I saw were her eyes, gently hiding behind my reflection in her glasses, not unlike my own.
After a few seconds of looking at each other, I noticed she had a slightly shy smile on her lips, as if she didn't know what to say or do.
I looked at her a moment, before I managed to choke out a single word.
"H…Hi" I could barely hear it myself.
I know she heard me though, because as soon as I said hi, that smile grew and revealed a set of braces.
"Hey there" she whispered, a slight giggle in her voice, as well as a lisp.
I couldn't help but smile, not at the lisp, but at the fact that someone could have so much sincerity and kindness in her voice.
I quickly slipped my heart within my jacket, hoping she didn't see the gently pulsating organ. She moved over into a more comfortable position and pulled her hood back, her deep brown hair gently draping over her shoulders.
I decided to pull my own hood back as well, shaking the layer of snow out of my hair.
And we started talking. Anything we had in common brought on whole conversations, bringing us out more and more as we laughed and goofed around.

It wasn't until months later that I even learned her name was Caitlin. She didn't like it, saying it was such a horrible and ugly name, no matter how much I told her otherwise. But none of that mattered, by then we were the closest friends for miles, and she accepted that I wasn't going to give up about her name.

Soon after we met, winter gave way to spring. The Snow melted, the blue jays returned and the trees down bellow slowly budded and bloomed back to life.
  However, no matter how warm it got, I kept my jacket on, afraid of what she would say about my heart, and if she would notice that it skipped a beat every time I saw her. I didn't want her to find out, I knew the outcome if she found out.

Repulsion. Fear. Rejection. Hatred.
I didn't want to lose her. So I kept my heart to myself, stored within the warmth of my jacket, my own thoughts of her keeping it in a constant rhythm.
And I enjoyed it. She was always here when I needed her, and no matter what went on, she always made me feel better, like I was truly wanted.
She made me feel like I mattered in someone's life enough to make a difference.

Less than a year later, the enjoyment turned into pain. I could hardly take it anymore. She was so close, but the most I could do was hug her. I decided to tell her how I really felt on Valentines Day. It only seemed appropriate.
Only three days before however, she asked me something,

"Do you think really close friends could ever be in a relationship together?" she said.

"Huh?...What?" I felt my heart nearly rip it's way out of my jacket.
How could she know? Was it that obvious?
Didn't I do everything to keep her from finding out, to keep my heart hidden completely?

"Like if two friends were really close to each other, do you think they'd ever be able to start dating?..I dunno, it just seems a little too weird to be going out with your best friend, you know? Personally I don't think it would work out."

She might as well have thrown me over the bridge.

"Oh…" I whispered absently. I could hardly think anymore.
Here I was, about to pour out my feelings for her, and I completely forgot about the barrier that friends should never cross.
I dropped my head and tried to keep from looking at her. I slowed my breathing and silently fought back tears, trying to make it seem normal as I replied as quickly as I could,

"I don't know….Not sure, tell you the truth."

Immediately, she knew something was wrong. I stopped breathing as she leaned in. I resolved to tell her, but I still wasn't ready.
I'm such an idiot, I should have waited, I shouldn't have said anything.

"Hey….Are you okay?" She asked as she put a hand on my shoulder.
I didn't say anything. I knew that if I opened my mouth, let alone take my teeth off my lip, it would be to scream.

"It's….because of something I said, isn't it?" she asked, knowing I couldn't keep from talking to her for very long. Suddenly, her eyes widened as she realized,
"Do….Do you like me as more than a friend?"

By then I had calmed down enough to get something audible out.
"Do I have to tell you know?"
"Yes, you don't have a choice."

I looked over at her, tears flooding down my cheeks, I didn't even care at this point.
Before I knew it, I was leaning over, both my hands on her cheeks, and my lips had found hers.
I never expected them to be so warm, and comforting. It was nice. It felt right kissing her, as if our lips were made to be together. I never wanted this feeling to stop.

And suddenly, the feeling was gone. She had pulled away. Hands over her mouth, eyes in fear and shock. Her chest was moving rapidly, I could tell, she was freaking out.
She quickly turned and walked away from me. I knew what it meant, so I didn't stop her, I just stood there and watched as she left. I waited until she was out of sight, before nearly throwing myself over the guardrail, vomiting a bitter mixture of bile and blood into the valley bellow.
Soon it was just blood.
I continued to heave and wretch until there was nothing left, blood running down m jaw and dripping out my nose, the metallic taste burning at my mouth.
Suddenly I ripped my jacket open and fumbled around. Soon I pulled my heart out, beating an irregular beat and covered in blood. It was bleeding everywhere, and this time, I didn't have any snow to pack it in.
After hours of calming down, I managed to stop the bleeding, but the arrhythmia was still there. All I could do was wipe the blood off and throw my jacket over the bridge. I didn't need it anymore, and there was no way all that blood was coming off.
I sat down in the corner between the building and the railing, it seemed to be the only place I knew would be there.
The morning took days to get here. Not like I could sleep anyways. All I could think about was that kiss, and how nice it felt. How perfect it felt to be so close to her.
And how it tore me apart to watch her leave.

The morning came with a surprise.
Caitlin came back. To tell me that we can't be friends anymore, and that she couldn't even look at me in the same way, no doubt. I myself could only look at her for a second, before looking back down.

"H-Hi there" She whispered.
"Hey…"
"Listen….um…about yesterday, I'm sorry I just left like that, I had to go somewhere with my parents."
"Not your fault."

I took a glance at her eyes, and I saw that they were darting back and forth, as if trying to find the right words to say.
She was as unprepared as I was for this conversation.

She spoke up, after a bit of thought.

"About what actually happened yesterday, I….."  She sighed quietly, "I care about you like that too, it's just….I feel weird, you're the closest friend I have, but you already know everything there is to know about me and you still accept me, so I've got conflicting emotions about you, but-"

She had stopped talking then. I had wrapped my arms around her and her vice was muffled in the tightest embrace I could muster.
I laughed a little, her eyes perking up at me.

"And to think I was going to tell you in a couple of days….I even made a little speech explaining how much I cared….All came down to the same thing, huh?"

I let her go just a bit, enough to look into her beautiful eyes.

"I Love you, Caitlin. And I'm happy regardless of what you want me as. I'm happy simply being around you like this.
But how's this, we stay friends for now, and If you want me as anything more,
Well….I'd be the luckiest guy in the world if you did"

She smiled that gorgeous brace-filled smile and hugged me "I think I'll be fine with that choice." She whispered into my ear, before gently kissing me on the cheek.