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iPawed — Verbatim
Published: 2010-10-05 09:59:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 1436; Favourites: 82; Downloads: 13
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Description
i could never make you fall in love with me by words alone:literature was never your forté,
but words are what i devour,
what i desire.
you would always only glance over as i spun meaning
from the way the sunlight spilled across the carpet
or how the grass looks after being mown;
and as i hungered for nouns
you hungered for someone real.
i would stir, verbatim, things i'd heard
into your morning coffee
[black, with one teaspoon of brown sugar]
because i hoped you might incubate a similar affliction
[but molasses was never enough]
so instead,
i would talk about how we should fly north for the winter:
and you told me that we had hands, not wings.
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Comments: 72
i've always loved this one. sometimes i look back over older pieces and want to erase any trace that they ever existed... but not this one. this one can stay.
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God, it's so sad. And yet I find myself able to identify with it completely. Yes, it feels real. It seems like such a heavy clash of dreaming and banality, embodied within people who see two different things. What is life without words and dreams? And what happens when we cannot share them? (sorry, I babbled a bit there.) It's brilliant. Just perfect.
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Babbling is the best thing ever. Never apologise for it
Thank you so, so much for your lovely, warmth-bringing comment.
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-I got that it was a relationship on the point of breaking.
-I got that it was a stereotypical straight relationship, but only because of my own pathetic gender biases (and I'm gay and still do that 
-very strong use of languagehere. The last line is killer and the coffee scene is crazy good. I wasn't too excited about the first line, but everything else that followedmade my day. Thanks
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Well I'm glad it made you happy and thanks so much for the feedback :]
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Thank you :] and thank you for the favourite on it, too ^^
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Love it. Also, pretty gender-neutral, and totally real.
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Thanks very much :] that's good to hear.
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I love the contrast of their two personalities. It's like she still has a dreamy outlook on life, while he has grown up and lost this part of him with age. In such a short piece I feel like I learned so much about these two characters and I want to know more about them.
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I wish I could write more about them; perhaps one day I will.
I love them, too.
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I don't usually want to write about characters again nor do I want others to write about their characters again but your pair seem like they would be interesting.
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I think they're one of those pairings whom are very quietly themselves; so even if I write about them again, it won't necessarily be automatically noticeable that it's them.
I think.
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- I feel as if it is sort of showing a relationship between a dreamer and a realist, in the negative sense. From personal experience, I know this combination of people can be positive or negative.
- I guess it could go both ways, but I did feel as if the speaker was a woman and the person being referred to was male.
- It does feel real. I know these kinds of relationships do exist.
I don't understand the molasses bit, really. However, it can always be expanded on. Also, the good thing about poetry is you don't have to explain everything.
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The molasses bit makes sense with prior knowledge: brown sugar is brown as it is mixed with molasses. Thus, I mean to imply, the little differences mean nothing - even if s/he was to take their coffee with white sugar or raw sugar, it wouldn't change the problems they have.
Thank you for your feedback :]
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I think it's a girl, but I am a girl, so I always think the narrator is a girl in the beginning of whatever piece I am reading. Gorgeous words. This felt so real to me. When you said "sunlight spilled across the carpet" I could see it.
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I'm happy to hear it actually managed to induce images for you! I'm always quite proud when people let me know that is what's happened. Thank you so much :]
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You're welcome! 
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I thought it was a girl speaking at first...But I'm a girl, so that's usually the feel I get from everything, just because it does feel so real.
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Thanks, glad you enjoyed it so much. :]
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Holy crap this is amazing
I think it's a man 'speaking' for some strange reason...about a woman. It makes me feel a little upset over what he's trying to say - but the amazing way it has been produce trumps it
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Haha, brilliant - thanks so much for such lovely words and the feedback, it really has made me smile widely.
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No problem
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I cannot think of words worthy of describing my admiration for this piece, beyond Perfection and Adore. Please keep up the good work. I don't think I've ever enjoyed reading anything more than I did this.
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I will do my very best.
(thank you soso much.)
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I adore this. Mainly because I can totally see myself as the person whose POV it's in. I love language. I think if I was with someone who didn't...I would cry. lol. And it's well written (:
SO, it definitely feels real to me, I think the genders can be anything--it's not gender specific, which is cool because more people can relate to it that way.
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Brilliant. :] Thank you for the feedback and I'm glad it's hitting the right buttons; makes me very happy. ^^
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A wonderful poem actually, and yes, you have very much made it feel real.
This poem actually comes to my eager eyes at a time when the very emotion, although fiction, is very much fitting to my situation with my no longer lover.
Good poem, good work, you are an excellent writer... I think I shall be reading more. :]
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I'm glad you liked it, and judging by my feedback inbox, so many of my other works! Thank you for the watch and the support, darling.
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Anytime... You have a great ability to write about things that I myself am feeling... so thank you. :]
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Well I'm glad you relate to my pieces and happier still that you enjoy them.
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Anytime. :]
I enjoy them very much.
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It feels very real, and I feel like it's from a female perspective, refering to a male in her life.
I love your words.
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The way you built the poem to the end was masterful, great job :]
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Thank you very much. I'm quite proud of this one myself, if it's not to vain to say as such. Grin ^^
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I find this very different and I like different.
I love the last two sentences they made me smile.
It's my favorite yet, thank you for sharing
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You're very welcome and thank you very much.
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