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Published: 2015-10-23 17:23:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 843; Favourites: 34; Downloads: 0
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Description
I don't remember my name.I'm done with pretending;
I can't live defending,
Can't foresee the ending
To my own game.
I can't find tomorrow,
In nothing I know.
I'm living in sorrow,
Have no time to borrow
And life is so hollow
When living in shame.
Everything's shallow,
But no one's to blame.
Watch me and my shadow:
We're not the same.
Afraid of myself,
I'm hiding inside;
And I can't divide
The bad from the kind.
Still,nothing I see
Is something I find
Because of the evil
That's crawling inside.
Come,say my name,
Don't watch me win!
Defy me in battle
And don't give in!
Don't let me end
Where you begin.
'Cuz I am the monster within.
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Comments: 31
Redsterfish [2018-03-25 18:45:31 +0000 UTC]
Yeah it´s the sad beast, like Frankenstein or some Oscar Wilde monster mirror stuff.
And it´s the inner devil talking... sometimes we hear it loud and clear, talking to somebody else but us
19 th century upper class lyrics, drenched with the fine wine of self - pitty.
BUT very psycho and nicely wrapped into verse and rhyme, not though it is complete trying to find the answer of what it really is.
When did you have your last Byron Port?
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JessIsFinallyDeviant In reply to Redsterfish [2018-03-26 17:01:30 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for the feedback, it’s truly an honor to have my poetry described so nicely ! And oh , about a few months ago ^_^
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TYGRON [2016-11-29 23:27:51 +0000 UTC]
E una din cele mai interesante poezii pe care le-am citit.... nu atat ca stil de a scrie dar din perspectiva din care este privita....
Sincer pare rezultatul unei lupte interioare, a unei personalitati multiple, cu doua fete..... Cineva care isi face rau singur, fiind constient ca face rau, si hranindu-si EGO-ul din asta in timp ce se si autodistruge si sufera in acelasi timp
... Pe de alta parte, victima raului este chiar propria pesoana.... cealalta ( a doua) fatza , sensibila, suferind dar si neputincioasa, a aceleiasi masti....
Pare un fel de lupta interioara a cuiva cautand disperat un ajutor din a se opri de a-si face rau.... Vocea constiintei (la mijloc, cea care este "rationala" ) vorbeste pe rand prin fiecare din cele doua fete ale mastii, Pe de o parte prin partea "inocenta, suferind" care isi plange neputinta la inceput, neputand gasi un orizont, un viitor, un singur ragaz de a intrerupte lupta interna care macina
...Si pe de alta parte, aceeasi constiinta, la final, vorbeste chiar prin "gura" raului in sine, care insusi se cere a fi oprit
Si STILUL DE A FI SCRISA, cu vorbele anume spuse "apasat" accentuand anumite aspecte:
----- Pe de o parte aratand suferinta continua datorita luptei fara sfarsit:
" I can't find tomorrow,
In nothing I know.
I'm living in sorrow",
--- Pe , efectele dezastruoase ale conflictului intre cele doua fete " subliniind puterea "raului" din interior, care duce la separarea completa intre cele doua laturi ale personalitatii, "despicarea completa" in doua a sufletului:
Watch me and my shadow:
We're not the same.
.---- SI adevarata "implorare" spusa din prisma insasi a partii rele, de a fi combatuta si a nu fi lasata sa triumfe "
Don't watch me win!
Defy me in battle
And don't give in!
Absolut fantastica, elaborata, inteligenta, sensibila, magnifica
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JessIsFinallyDeviant In reply to TYGRON [2016-12-05 16:38:18 +0000 UTC]
vă mulțumesc pentru comentariu detaliat, este uimitor că ai văzut atât de mult din ceea ce poemul vrea să transmită. multumesc ❤️
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TYGRON In reply to JessIsFinallyDeviant [2016-12-06 00:12:17 +0000 UTC]
After sending the comment I realised that probably you weren't from Romania as I am, and therefore you wouldn't understand a thing from the comment I made for it
.... And....It just made me laugh of my "mistake" , thinking how would it feel like a stranger writing a very long comment in a language only he understands (Chinese, or whatever) )))))
A reply, should it have come, would for sure be " Say it in English, please " ))) ...--- It was a surprise the answer in Romanian (do you have Romanian friends ? .. Jess is for sure NOT a Romanian name
))))
The poem is fantastic, having a psychological view as well as a literary one... This type of literature often requires a lot of personal involvement in it ... and a lot of brainstorming to conceive it and put it together .... Not everyone can write something like that...
Keep on going to this path... I rarely read something that makes me think as much as this one did
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JessIsFinallyDeviant In reply to TYGRON [2016-12-08 10:45:49 +0000 UTC]
Its ok ,I realised that it was probably more personal,seeing as you wrote it in your first language,so i was glad about that . I just translated it with google translate 😅 i can also understand a little bit of Romanian ,but not very much and that's because i have romanian friends indeed and i visit them often so it's getting easier !
Thank you very much for your encouraging words and for the praise,it really means a lot to me to hear /see that people like my work and it's always a step in the right direction for me,so thank you !
Best wishes,take care ^^
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SrTw [2016-02-15 19:17:44 +0000 UTC]
It is great! It seems to be someone who has made a mistake which has had bad perceived consequences but that the person is not really evil, only deeply regretful and wishing but not feeling able to make amends. In the end perhaps s/he feels the easiest way out is to opt for feeling evil and to feel anger which is often an easier emotion to handle than sadness. (or not as the case may be! haha ) Anyway I love it.
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JessIsFinallyDeviant In reply to SrTw [2016-03-06 17:27:18 +0000 UTC]
Your interpretation is very accurate too and I'm happy to see that it makes sense in more than one way,that's the beauty of writing it. Thank you very much I'm glad you like it
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SrTw In reply to JessIsFinallyDeviant [2016-06-09 13:11:41 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad to hear that! And you're very welcome!
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JessIsFinallyDeviant In reply to sergun34 [2015-12-14 20:50:55 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for the like ^^ ))
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Laylana [2015-11-24 17:45:30 +0000 UTC]
Wow, that's a great piece, combining rhyme and meaning so well!
I'm very impressed how aptly you put such a complex topic into your words, turn the person's inside to the outside, steeped in such intensive emotions of insecurity, anxiety and silent solicitation!
Although the whole poem is perfect as it is, I especially like the lines 12-15 - their imagery feels like a perfect essence, saying so much...
Just great!!
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JessIsFinallyDeviant In reply to Laylana [2015-11-24 19:07:17 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for your detailed comment and I'm honored to see that you like it Thanks
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Laylana In reply to JessIsFinallyDeviant [2015-12-01 21:45:05 +0000 UTC]
You're very welcome!! It's a wonderful piece.
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BlueLunarRose [2015-11-07 08:15:36 +0000 UTC]
WOW, strong words with strong feelings, I think you've nailed it
Good luck
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Cat-reena [2015-11-02 20:18:42 +0000 UTC]
the feeling is anxious, fearful,tense, pain filled It radiates fear and anxiety=very emotional
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JessIsFinallyDeviant In reply to Cat-reena [2015-11-02 22:06:23 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much for your words, they help me improve myself
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prettyflour [2015-11-02 14:10:52 +0000 UTC]
Good sense of emotion in this poem- I get lots of pain and anxiety radiating through the words!
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JessIsFinallyDeviant In reply to prettyflour [2015-11-02 19:19:01 +0000 UTC]
Thank you,I'm glad I expressed the right feelings
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JessIsFinallyDeviant In reply to belladreamer7 [2015-10-26 21:50:26 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much ^^
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belladreamer7 In reply to JessIsFinallyDeviant [2015-10-28 17:11:47 +0000 UTC]
Your most welcome Jess ~
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Zorro40 [2015-10-24 07:14:49 +0000 UTC]
I like how it works out with the words and the rhymes
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JessIsFinallyDeviant In reply to Zorro40 [2015-10-24 08:51:21 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much
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