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Published: 2018-08-04 10:15:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 556; Favourites: 31; Downloads: 0
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Dear Depression,
I remember when we first met: I was a child, regularly crying in bed without my parents knowing, and already at that time, without even understanding the concept of death and its aftermaths, I wanted "to be gone forever". But to me, it was just temporary, so I suppressed.
We met again when I was a teenager, and everything was amplified. My body kept changing, I felt like I was in an emotional rollercoaster. "It's the adolescence", they said. "Yes, it's probably just that. It'll pass when I will grow older", I thought.
Spoiler alert: you never left.
I remember when I first acknowledged you: it was when I almost collapsed after 3 days straight of partying and binge drinking, spending my money in all sorts of things, while still working and studying. In my head, I was just embracing and enjoying life, but in my doctor's point I view, I was being unhappy, "Judging from all your answers to my questions, you seem to be depressed", he stated.
I remember being angry at him. Me? Depressed? I couldn't be. I was being successful, I couldn't be unhappy.
And yet, when I walked out of his office that day, I sobbed, and I felt you inside of me, after thinking that I finally got rid of you years ago. You were always there. You never left, just manifesting yourself in a different way.
I thought I was just being sad, but I guess I was wrong. You came to me, uninvited, and since then you never really let me go. Despite having some great moments in my life, despite being what some people say "accomplished", you are always here, all around me, all over me, daunting me, haunting me, waiting patiently for my next nervous breakdown, or maybe even waiting for that time when I would kill myself. Why? Because even though you would let me go every now and then, you would inevitably pull me back to you again, whispering to me "You're nothing, that's why you need me."
Sigh.
Dear Depression,
You don't remember the first time we met, do you?
Of course you don't, you've met so many other people since then, and I know that you plan on meeting more people, so how could you remember that?
Because at the end of the day, I'm just a drop in the ocean.
But I will keep fighting you, even if I have to do so for the rest of my life.
Fuck you.
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Comments: 47
uwE7zUc3qAIL [2020-06-02 16:38:42 +0000 UTC]
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JustACapharnaum In reply to uwE7zUc3qAIL [2020-06-03 05:50:54 +0000 UTC]
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uwE7zUc3qAIL In reply to JustACapharnaum [2020-06-03 11:42:59 +0000 UTC]
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agustus [2019-09-03 14:16:56 +0000 UTC]
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JustACapharnaum In reply to agustus [2019-12-06 19:19:01 +0000 UTC]
Hello
Who would habe thought that my words would speak to more than one person...
Thank you for your comment
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Lionnfart [2019-08-15 15:43:32 +0000 UTC]
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JustACapharnaum In reply to Lionnfart [2019-12-06 19:17:38 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for your comment. I didn't think that writing something so personal would speak to other people, especially since I am not really comfortable talking about my personal feelings. But I am glad that my words spoke to you. Thank you for taking thw time to read it
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Ace0f-Arts [2018-09-09 04:33:30 +0000 UTC]
I love this, and I especially love the ending! Amazingly written XD
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JustACapharnaum In reply to Acerbical [2018-09-09 17:27:24 +0000 UTC]
*Coils around you*
Yes. Very.
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HazelRose3637 [2018-08-11 07:28:36 +0000 UTC]
You did a great job of writing this. So much said with few words.
I'm sorry about all that It sucks, huh? Knowing it doesn't go away in a snap? But I can tell by this letter that you're a fighter, and I'm glad you are finding and enjoying life
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JustACapharnaum In reply to HazelRose3637 [2018-09-09 17:26:28 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for your comment
And yes, it sucks, but I will keep fighting it
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PennedinWhite [2018-08-06 17:30:23 +0000 UTC]
It is burdening, and it never really leaves. It can be suppressed for a good long while, but it never truly leaves. Wonderfully written!
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JustACapharnaum In reply to PennedinWhite [2018-09-09 17:25:50 +0000 UTC]
Exactly. Thank you so much!
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PennedinWhite In reply to JustACapharnaum [2018-09-09 19:58:41 +0000 UTC]
You are more than welcome
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iliketurdles123 In reply to JustACapharnaum [2018-09-09 18:23:16 +0000 UTC]
Ok sorry lmao that was in a meme I couldn't help myself
Actually tho, depressions is a bitch. Sorry you feel this way..
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JustACapharnaum In reply to iliketurdles123 [2018-11-21 05:10:45 +0000 UTC]
It's okay, thank you
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iliketurdles123 In reply to JustACapharnaum [2018-11-21 07:58:26 +0000 UTC]
haha.....
i posted that comment a while ago....
now im dealing with some depression of my own...
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JustACapharnaum In reply to iliketurdles123 [2018-11-22 06:34:41 +0000 UTC]
I'm sorry to hear that Please make sure that you are getting the help and support you need.
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iliketurdles123 In reply to JustACapharnaum [2018-11-23 05:39:51 +0000 UTC]
well... support, yes. help, not really..
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JustACapharnaum In reply to iliketurdles123 [2018-11-23 10:35:38 +0000 UTC]
Mhm...well, I hope you find it, keep trying even though I do know that it's easier said than done
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classic-poet [2018-08-04 18:42:46 +0000 UTC]
Yes, we have to keep fighting. Stay strong. *hugs tightly*
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JustACapharnaum In reply to classic-poet [2018-09-09 17:25:11 +0000 UTC]
Thank you
And yes, we do.
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pearwood [2018-08-04 17:40:35 +0000 UTC]
Yes and amen. I've been on (thankfully, mild) antidepressants for over a decade.
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