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Description
:҉ ~♥~ ҉

The only thing I've eaten in four
days is ash and ass and carpet
and some ceramic bowl from when
I passed out in the bathroom a few
days

                                              ago.


I am still a dog I am still a dog I am
just me and that's all I've been for a
very long time and I am tired of giving
myself metaphors and rubbing cliches
all over myself like it means something.

It never meant anything.

~

YOU ARE DRINKING YOUR OWN PISS
YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT STOP IT
THERE IS ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE IN
THE WORLD TO QUENCH YOUR
INDULGENT LITTLE THIRST.

~

I have not wrote anything that wasn't
about him for weeks and weeks and
it feels like years but I am still not
getting anywhere because there I go
again saying fuckfuckfuck he is so
fucking beautiful and so SANATIVE.

                                                           i can no longer control my mouth
      control   the
                         way
                                            that my fingers spread across this paper and spill
                  all                                              words
                                              the                                  out

someday i will confess everything and there will be
    no one listening because all you have to do is read and then
your tongue will curl back from the sour taste in your eyes    IT WILL
                                                          bend your back down like a willow
and you will realize that sex is not love and love is not sex
and do not confuse fighting with earning respect or making a stand
all it is an outlet an outlet                                                     li
                                      a      n d               i t tt     spilllllls     ke           this
                                                                                      out

this was supposed to be about about about
this was supposed to be about not him
but he is seeping from my pores
                                                                                     its not like you
forgive me in the morning                                        can do anything else

~

stabstabstab
i keep stabbing myself and not meaning to                   (sliccccccceeee)
they are like paper cuts                                ANOTHERONEANOTHER  ONEEEEE
you never know
when they are coming

                                                      ?
                                           ?     (smart)
                                                 /``````````     ?
it is okay i am still too (young/old) to
understand love                                   i guess right right             right
i can still understand need
for oxygen and water

                                                      and him next to me

~

I was asked about counseling the other day.
Everything he asked I just shook my head
or said uh huh uh huh                                                (i think it made him feel like he
and he gave me a paper                                            was doing something)
with two little boxes for YES I NEED HELP OH GOD
AND NO FUCK YOU
and then a line thicker than   |||||||||
asking for a signature, please, sign here
WE NEED TO KNOW THAT YOUR GUARDIANS
DO NOT THINK YOU ARE A NUTJOB
        please have this signed by tomorrow
                                                                        my mother asked me if i thought
                                                                      i needed help from this MR.______
                                                                    guy and i said yes like i need cancer
                                                                                ohbaby yeah i need some cancer alright


that night I had my mother sign it           for               NO SHE IS NOT CRAZY
        and I didn't turn it in for a week.

~

this never meant anything.

~

I am going to grow up into one of those alcoholic mothers
who smokes pot with her kids                          only on the weekends, though
and lets them do cool shit constantly.

Dear God, I'm never going to be a doctor.
Dear God, I'm never going to be anything
more than what I am and I am NOT A DOCTOR.

                                                                      imagine me saying NURSENURSE
                                                                   I need some anesthetics for this
                                                                                     brainjob.           try it

~

when everything inside of you has died
molded over
folded in on itself and
broken apart into the wind
it is time to dig apart the earth
and upturn all rocks
then sow yourself something
something that won't die.

something that will hold its roots deep into your earth
like it is the only life it will ever know
then you will realize what it means to not let
something die
and you will realize what it means to not want to
die for someone but realize that you still would.
there will be no more earth but it will uncurl
its roots from in you and move on
eventually

and if it doesn't then you will know

         you will know it was worth it.

~

I am afraid and scared and angry on the inside
and if I blow up it will be all the years of my mother
on the floor and me in my room and all the years
of smoke and dust and ash and
                           there will be no him holding back
me and my flood and all the years of
                                                                beer bottles
and the days I missed
                                                  and there will be something
for every number it takes to dial for emergency service
and there will be something special

                         something I didn't know I had
and it will break inside of me and this dam
will become a river and it will never stop.

but
                the worst part will be that I will know it's coming
won't know why
                            and won't care.

~

i can no longer write about love about cocks
about weed and living and my parents
or i can just no longer write what i mean
and i could never laugh at the retarded kids so i am screwed
           because everything in this life is escaping my mind
like they are finally all on parole
but have no officer.

~

thank god for you/him/LOVERPLEASE
i would never have a screamingkickingbitingfucking muse
if it weren't for your SANATIVITY

I WILL NEVER WRITE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY
all that will be filled in will be

CHECK YES IF YOU ARE HUMAN
CHECK YES IF YOU ARE FEMALE
        CHECK YES IF YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK
AND YOUR PARENTS DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
OR WHY YOU WERE ALWAYS SCREAMING IN YOUR DREAMS

and then there will be two hundred blank pages
asking people to write me a story PRETTY PLEASE
and give me something that is worth writing about.

~

i am not the type for love to choose
not the type to bend her branches out to the stream
and test the waters but i am the type
to let her roots imbed themselves into a bank
and enjoy the scenery
don't worry i will be adding to it too.

:҉ ~♥~ ҉

Description
:҉ ~♥~ ҉

The only thing I've eaten in four
days is ash and ass and carpet
and some ceramic bowl from when
I passed out in the bathroom a few
days

                                              ago.


I am still a dog I am still a dog I am
just me and that's all I've been for a
very long time and I am tired of giving
myself metaphors and rubbing cliches
all over myself like it means something.

It never meant anything.

~

YOU ARE DRINKING YOUR OWN PISS
YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT STOP IT
THERE IS ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE IN
THE WORLD TO QUENCH YOUR
INDULGENT LITTLE THIRST.

~

I have not wrote anything that wasn't
about him for weeks and weeks and
it feels like years but I am still not
getting anywhere because there I go
again saying fuckfuckfuck he is so
fucking beautiful and so SANATIVE.

                                                           i can no longer control my mouth
      control   the
                         way
                                            that my fingers spread across this paper and spill
                  all                                              words
                                              the                                  out

someday i will confess everything and there will be
    no one listening because all you have to do is read and then
your tongue will curl back from the sour taste in your eyes    IT WILL
                                                          bend your back down like a willow
and you will realize that sex is not love and love is not sex
and do not confuse fighting with earning respect or making a stand
all it is an outlet an outlet                                                     li
                                      a      n d               i t tt     spilllllls     ke           this
                                                                                      out

this was supposed to be about about about
this was supposed to be about not him
but he is seeping from my pores
                                                                                     its not like you
forgive me in the morning                                        can do anything else

~

stabstabstab
i keep stabbing myself and not meaning to                   (sliccccccceeee)
they are like paper cuts                                ANOTHERONEANOTHER  ONEEEEE
you never know
when they are coming

                                                      ?
                                           ?     (smart)
                                                 /``````````     ?
it is okay i am still too (young/old) to
understand love                                   i guess right right             right
i can still understand need
for oxygen and water

                                                      and him next to me

~

I was asked about counseling the other day.
Everything he asked I just shook my head
or said uh huh uh huh                                                (i think it made him feel like he
and he gave me a paper                                            was doing something)
with two little boxes for YES I NEED HELP OH GOD
AND NO FUCK YOU
and then a line thicker than   |||||||||
asking for a signature, please, sign here
WE NEED TO KNOW THAT YOUR GUARDIANS
DO NOT THINK YOU ARE A NUTJOB
        please have this signed by tomorrow
                                                                        my mother asked me if i thought
                                                                      i needed help from this MR.______
                                                                    guy and i said yes like i need cancer
                                                                                ohbaby yeah i need some cancer alright


that night I had my mother sign it           for               NO SHE IS NOT CRAZY
        and I didn't turn it in for a week.

~

this never meant anything.

~

I am going to grow up into one of those alcoholic mothers
who smokes pot with her kids                          only on the weekends, though
and lets them do cool shit constantly.

Dear God, I'm never going to be a doctor.
Dear God, I'm never going to be anything
more than what I am and I am NOT A DOCTOR.

                                                                      imagine me saying NURSENURSE
                                                                   I need some anesthetics for this
                                                                                     brainjob.           try it

~

when everything inside of you has died
molded over
folded in on itself and
broken apart into the wind
it is time to dig apart the earth
and upturn all rocks
then sow yourself something
something that won't die.

something that will hold its roots deep into your earth
like it is the only life it will ever know
then you will realize what it means to not let
something die
and you will realize what it means to not want to
die for someone but realize that you still would.
there will be no more earth but it will uncurl
its roots from in you and move on
eventually

and if it doesn't then you will know

         you will know it was worth it.

~

I am afraid and scared and angry on the inside
and if I blow up it will be all the years of my mother
on the floor and me in my room and all the years
of smoke and dust and ash and
                           there will be no him holding back
me and my flood and all the years of
                                                                beer bottles
and the days I missed
                                                  and there will be something
for every number it takes to dial for emergency service
and there will be something special

                         something I didn't know I had
and it will break inside of me and this dam
will become a river and it will never stop.

but
                the worst part will be that I will know it's coming
won't know why
                            and won't care.

~

i can no longer write about love about cocks
about weed and living and my parents
or i can just no longer write what i mean
and i could never laugh at the retarded kids so i am screwed
           because everything in this life is escaping my mind
like they are finally all on parole
but have no officer.

~

thank god for you/him/LOVERPLEASE
i would never have a screamingkickingbitingfucking muse
if it weren't for your SANATIVITY

I WILL NEVER WRITE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY
all that will be filled in will be

CHECK YES IF YOU ARE HUMAN
CHECK YES IF YOU ARE FEMALE
        CHECK YES IF YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK
AND YOUR PARENTS DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
OR WHY YOU WERE ALWAYS SCREAMING IN YOUR DREAMS

and then there will be two hundred blank pages
asking people to write me a story PRETTY PLEASE
and give me something that is worth writing about.

~

i am not the type for love to choose
not the type to bend her branches out to the stream
and test the waters but i am the type
to let her roots imbed themselves into a bank
and enjoy the scenery
don't worry i will be adding to it too.

:҉ ~♥~ ҉