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lackofevolution — Stare At My Smile
Published: 2012-03-24 15:18:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 1282; Favourites: 22; Downloads: 3
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Description
A moment of silence, I speak before you can reply,If you don't ask then there is nothing to approve or deny,
I feel safe in my room, never do I hide,
Sitting with raised hands, not afraid of the ride,
Water falls, I stand proud in the shower,
Acknowledging time without counting the minutes in the hour,
Friends visit in my room, they sleep,
A rested head for I know shadows wont creep,
My brothers protection reaches to school,
A shaking body would brake his one rule,
My fathers love supports my ability to stand,
A smile is cemented with the sight of his hand,
My mothers stand wanting to hear,
Negative words I speak, my pain, each fear,
My teachers notice when my behavior does change,
To be quiet, to avoid eye contact, she does know is strange,
The thoughts I have are my own,
This cave of people, the house, not a home,
The emotions I express, rest with me,
Influenced by life, the results I allow be,
The actions I take, think then do,
I laught at my bracelet, beyond blue,
A moment of silence, I speak before you can reply,
Councillor, my brother and father don't abuse me, please accept the lie.
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Comments: 13
Although i do not remember my abuse. i totally relate to this characters emotions and thought processes. Job Well Done!!
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Man I felt the depths of my soul flinch from this. Good job!
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thanks, to tell the truth i didnt think anyone would like this, i felt that i didnt put enough emotion in this one
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its very powerful. and dark. it is real world like. some people say oh its so dark write happier stuff when they don't realize that the happy stuff is a lie and the dark emotion and pain is the real world.
I've always been a fan of darker poetry. most of mine is dark. not as strong but there not bad. there also more about me and my life.
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dark experiences or bad moments motivate me to write so if ignored them then there is no poiting writing, i agree with ur comment, writing happy is like writing a lie
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most of the time, i do agree that three are some happy moments in the world. i am very optimistic, but i also understand that this world is not all unicorns and rainbows.
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I think certainly that most readers do not know poetry. So far few have really made a valuable comment. Here is mine:
First, I noticed that many writers of free verse use couplets and especially rhymed couplets. That is very skillfully done but they and you need to try various schemes in free verse style. This was well-done too, but seems a bit like childish writing.
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even though im hurt by ur comment of calling my writing childish i respect u for saying so, ive been writing six years thus still new to it, i don't clam and never will that i known what im doing, with that said, i put paper in front of me and write without much though allowing my emotions to live on that paper, any feedback is appreciated even if its to say my writing is childish thus ignorant.
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I do not say that it was childish,I said that the rhyme scheme sounds that way. Beside, not all criticism is positive. Chin up.
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even thought what u said hurt to a degree, i will take what u said in a positive way and build on it
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Great news,I hoped you would. Good spirit!
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