Zylverstar [2004-11-22 14:09:13 +0000 UTC]

It's beautifull! nice work

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fallingsilver [2003-05-19 07:16:53 +0000 UTC]

I like it

But why are all your poems in the "others" section?

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echo-si [2003-03-25 00:28:48 +0000 UTC]

it reads a bit choppy to me, especially the first section. It might be the line breaks, I'm not sure.
I LOVE the thorn images, though, very effective ^_^

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altruisticlies [2003-02-21 07:57:40 +0000 UTC]

Hmm...

Criticism first - I don't enjoy the word 'indestructible' .. perhaps ever? Well, I haven't used it yet but definitely not here. I'm sorry.

In the first stanza, your outstanding second line overshadows your fourth line which feels short and not developed to me. Not a huge deal and it is only my opinion.

Opinion:

Your poetry is more traditional than I am used to reading around DA. I enjoy it for that, if I had to describe it in a word that word is 'pretty'. A very enviable word to be, I think. It doesn't drive me to my knees with a barrage of stuttered half-words or blast my brains across the wall.... but it makes me smile.

Good work.

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at [2003-02-12 07:03:05 +0000 UTC]

Aw, now that I understand your poem I wanted to give you a better vote - you deserve that. Unfortunatley that is not possible.
Well, atleast I can say that I like it - very much.

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at [2003-02-11 17:24:21 +0000 UTC]

I like the easthetics. It´s a very well written poem.
But then there is something I dislike:

"Shadows and thorns sprawled along the dim surface,
My eyes are set on you.
Mounds of indestructable strength block my only path,
Still I trudge on."

Why does that indestructable strength block your path?
Now I assume that your writing about some kind om unanswered love, or something like that.
However, is it not the strength that we worship in those we love? If so, your facing a contradiction when askin someone to lay down his stength.

Aw, well, i´m tired right now, so please forgive me if I misunderstood your poem.

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spinning-plates [2003-02-11 03:08:09 +0000 UTC]

This is the first I've read from you, and although I'm a prose guy and can't critique poetry very well, I enjoy reading it, and I can give an honest opinion.,

I like this.

This darkness has not enslaved me,
But your haunting, criminal stare has me in chains.

Best lines, I think.

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stare-girl [2003-01-28 01:11:32 +0000 UTC]

i love this, it is very strong and it stood out when i read it.

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groovus [2003-01-27 23:39:49 +0000 UTC]

"Haij" goosebumps here. That last line ... desperate yet with a strength that it can only kick in to the reader's mind.

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paulscha [2003-01-26 05:18:23 +0000 UTC]

Shit, L-Blue, now I feel like a double-dweeb! This is a wake-up call for any reader of poetry - watch out, she's saying as much as she can in each line, you're gonna miss something! I love that density of expression, though I think this one is SO rich you might want to think about unpacking it a little.

You slip in these wonderful, brave, and inspired reversals of conventional wisdom: strength is an obstacle, fear is prospering, your enchained by a criminal stare. Every one of these rings true, but I almost think each one of them needs a little more verbal space to breathe in, just to give the hapless reader a little time to catch on.

That could be altogether WRONG, by the way. This poem works just fine for me as it is - too fine not to acknowledge in some way- has to be a fav.

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electrolytic [2003-01-13 19:07:03 +0000 UTC]

That person you want so much to love you, it's hard isn't it.

This poem is very eloquent, the words are rich and though the rhythm is a bit shaky it does flow.

Overall, it's good. Well done.

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-henrique- [2003-01-10 19:26:00 +0000 UTC]

that read a lot smoother, thanks for taking my advice, heh...makes me feel all warm and fuzzy

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actrsdramagurl [2003-01-05 23:51:41 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful. I really love this one- +FAV
-Michella-

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kenzie [2003-01-04 02:04:44 +0000 UTC]

wow. definitely gorgeous, although it doesnt remind me of your more recent work, this is a fabuous case of talent through the ages (your poetry was good to begin with, and you improved, and its still good but different and that's the sign of a truly talented poet)

i love this idea... the whole image is so chaotic and gorgeous.

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aphroditii [2003-01-02 16:31:27 +0000 UTC]

Your use of language is great in this. It's funny the way words bring a sensation with them. This feels rugged and sharp. It presents a compelling picture for the reader to feel. Thank you!

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-henrique- [2003-01-02 14:30:31 +0000 UTC]

This is very simple, yet I cannot seem to decipher it all. You're crying at one point...afraid of something/ or of the other you describe. It has dreamlike qualities, yet it's not as straight-forward as one would assume for so short a poem.
At the 2nd to last line, remove that first comma:
And, I beg of you, ...so make it
And I beg of you,

This line will still emphasize the "begging" part without slowing down the piece too much.

Only thing I am sure about is that I like it.

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