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Litheba — Complement
Published: 2003-12-27 07:08:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 127; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 5
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Description I
Click
Moment
Quick

You justly determine the setting
The place written clearly
The image crafted over thoughts
Held tightly until the moment’s right

I
See
Feel
Grasp

You clasp my wrist and exclaim
Over a meal richly devoured
A million words most lovely
Held tightly until the moment’s right

I
Burst
Reveal
Energy

You look into the sky of clouds
And wonder on its secrets
Shielding your eyes from the sun
Held tightly until the moment’s right

We
A careful collection of memories
Chaotic
But tender in ourselves
Companion

Complement
One different approach to a beautiful plan.
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Comments: 9

beverlylanderson [2004-02-20 18:21:57 +0000 UTC]

Wow, this has a really nice setup and feel to it... Great.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

emo-outfitter [2003-12-28 22:21:15 +0000 UTC]

cute picture..this must be you and your fiance? The poem had good points. I like the last two stanzas a lot. I'm not feeling the I see feel grasp or the I burst reveal energy. I understand the feelings you're trying to convey, but they are better shown than told. (I wouldn't be saying anything if I didn't think you were an awesome writer)

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Litheba In reply to emo-outfitter [2003-12-29 03:45:43 +0000 UTC]

well, this all goes back to a conversation Caleb (my fiance) and I had one time. He's a much better artist than I, but he uses different mediums. I take pictures and write poetry. He draws and writes long stories. That's why there the short worded stanzas, that was my part....

Thanks for the criticism, however. Perhaps my intent was not clear.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

emo-outfitter In reply to Litheba [2003-12-29 05:03:04 +0000 UTC]

I see. The way I figure, as long as you feel your own poetry and it holds great meaning to you, it's good. (there's always so much controversy on what good poetry is..so that's the def I came up with).

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Litheba In reply to emo-outfitter [2003-12-30 03:26:49 +0000 UTC]

I agree, but it's still good to see what other people really think. There would be no reason to ever publish or share poetry otherwise.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

sairah [2003-12-28 07:09:58 +0000 UTC]

hmmm, u placed too much emphasis on getting the flow right than getting the words right...they seem forced. uptil

"I
Click
Moment
Quick

You justly determine the setting
The place written clearly
The image crafted over thoughts
Held tightly until the moment’s right"

its beautiful. and it goes good. but after this, its begins to....be stiffled by the rhythm...u get.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Litheba In reply to sairah [2003-12-29 03:47:23 +0000 UTC]

It was hard to write. I have such a hard time writing about myself even if I'm only half of the poem....

Thank you for your help.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

undefinability [2003-12-28 02:00:00 +0000 UTC]

Over anything, I loved your title as compared to the piece.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Litheba In reply to undefinability [2003-12-29 03:54:41 +0000 UTC]

well, that's certainly something! thanks.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0