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MasterSavior — Sailor Moon ET - Chapter 1 Revised
Published: 2011-12-19 23:20:44 +0000 UTC; Views: 390; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 14
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So now we come to the first chapter. Absolutely the hardest thing to write anytime you tell a tale. So before I get too much further, there were some sentence changes done to clean thins up a bit. Also, worked on that whole "mounting suspense" element that remains a vital component for the first chapter.Chibi-usa returns to the past. She doesn't seem quite right. Michiru and Setsuna are feeling something, but Hotaru knows what's up? Sailor Moon time? Sailor Moon time. Dig it.
Comments and questions below, please. If you have troubles reading the file, click download - it's in PDF format.
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Comments: 5
Oh my, I already know what's gonna happen but these revisions still make me feel like I'm reading something fresh. It is quite a delightful feeling. I find myself jumping to the same conclusions along with the characters even though I should know better. XD
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This makes me happy beyond words. it tells me I am on the right track with the 'snatch and grab' a first chapter needs, with the possibility of retaining rereading value. I am glad you are enjoying it.
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Intriguing chapter you have. It has a great flow and I love how everyone interacts; just like in the show.
The scene of what Chibi-usa sees is frightening and demonic. The detail was great and I could really see it, especially the moon. Adding in the guardian senshi really help the story and Setsuna's fears are felt.
I felt bad for Hotaru, but what was spoken through her is chilling. Nice suspense build up and foreshadowing. Well done.
And I agree, first chapters are always the hardest.
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Thank you. You will find that I am given entirely into description. In my mind, I see what I write through the eyes of the character, kind of like some weird movie, but abject.
My strength in this is that I remain consistent in the descriptive process. I bring elements of believability and reality to the front, and I won't sugarcoat anything. If it's a battle and I put you, the reader on the front line, you'll see it through a soldier's eyes. If the reader is suddenly a female character and a there prevails a romantic situation, you are gonna know how hot his fingers touch. To me, it's these small bits that envelop you into the tale. And If I can make you laugh, cry, sigh or rage by words alone, then I have done what I came to do. I made you feel
The downside to this is that I tend to tangent and describe beyond the scope of what is presented to the reader currently, kind of forth-walling the story for the sake of getting to explain something. This set of revisions is designed to do just that - locate those elements and remove them to clarify the story.
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You're welcome; I can attest to that. It's like you're experiencing it first hand.
You did all that very well; keep it up. And you're right, sometimes the smallest detail can impact a story all together.
Trust me, it happens. It's hard not to goin exceptional detail becaues you want your readers to see what you see. And you're doing that well. ^^
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