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MasterSavior — Sailor Moon ET - Chapter 3 Revised
Published: 2011-12-20 03:40:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 437; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 12
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Description
Chapter three is now live. This is the first chapter that begins some true creative license. In the canon story, we know so very little about the Sailor Wars, the founding of the Moon Kingdom, etc. It's hard for me to believe in immaculate conception...everything has a starting point. Charon's 'Order of the White Moon' helps to weave believable background story to that time period, deepening his relationship to the characters, especially his ties to Setsuna.Some of this chapter was long winded; I felt at first I needed to ground non-fans of Sailor moon into the story, reiterating basic elements. What I came to realize was this story will be read most by those very fans, so redundancy might put some drag on the initial flow.
I shortened Charon's monologues, and touched a bit more on what Setsuna is feeling. The ending here might give some people a 'lol wut' face, but I think I fashion the scenario in a tasteful, interesting manner. I am uniquely curious how the last bit is received.
Also, I give some brief insight to our antagonist. He'll come to center stage soon enough, and then it's time to spin some serious plots that will not only explain some elements that have never had an answer, as well as evolving the characters we know without blowing up the canon world. Let's see how I do...
Comments and thoughts below. PDF format, so 'Download' if it doesn't just show up for you.
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Comments: 5
Like I've mentioned before, I enjoy the confusion of Charon just being shoved into this strange world. And to the canon characters it seems like Charon's world is equally strange. The fact that all their ideas about the past don't match up, as always been a fun for element for me.
And think it makes enough sense that if a non Sailor Moon fan started reading, they'd easily be able to pick up what was going on.
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Wonderful flow and I find Charon's story fascinating and I want to believe him, but how he is able to do this is still a mystery to me. I cannot wait to see how it unfolds. The villain, very chilling and I wonder what his plan is. He must know Charon based on him saying he betrayed someone...Hmm...
I feel for Setsuna, a lot of emotion being slammed into her in one day. I had to read the part of her checking her virginity twice to understand, but that is a nice touch. I can see she and Charon were very intimate, but I wonder why she can't remember him. These past three chapters have been very interesting, intriguing, and nostalgic cause it is Sailor Moon. Well done~
Some spelling mistakes like you used it's instead of its when talking about planets and whatnot. And totally was misspelled, but none of it took away from the reading.
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I like how I have you guessing - that's a good sign. Charon's mystery is the prime catalyst for events to unfold later. Little by little we come to better know Charon, the more we will realize how much impact he has...but oh! In such little, neat ways.
Villains! Oh you are gonna love it when you meet him...
I apologize about that. Anything referencing sexuality I tend to utilize eloquence in the description. I always feared about being 'that guy' who always explains such matters in a crass light. That never added to anything. But with Setsuna being what she is, it did give me some license to wax creative; I am rather pleased at how I went about having Setsuna discover some proof about something she has no memory of.
And how about that memory? Poor Set-zu, she has these deeply rooted feelings but cannot place them. It must be maddening...but she'll gain composure soon. I think in the next chapter I explain a long standing mystery surrounding Setusna.
I have always had some issues with passives. Gomen -_-'
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I can't wait to see what his story is and what happens as we learn more. ^^
Villains (when done well) are awesome XD
It fits her since she considers herself pure and she never 'knew' about it until now. It was done well in my opinion. Sexuality can eloquently but it's rare to see. ><
I felt sad for her, she has these feelings but she knowns nothing about how they came to be. Very frustrating, but she will learn them in time.
It's fine, it's hard. >.o
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