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meljoy68 — Love Lessons
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Published: 2008-09-03 00:24:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 1005; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 2
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Description
Love LessonsA siren’s call, I sighed your name
Invited pleasure without shame
Said “I want” and heard the same…
Two words filled with emotion.
I kissed your lips and tasted sin
Filled my hands with satin skin
Focused on that wicked grin…
got rocked in passion’s motion.
Tangled fingers in your hair
Breathed our essence in the air
Tensed to feel you almost there….
Then drowned in your love potion.
Breathing hitched, pulses racing
Eyes drift shut with limbs embracing
A promise of the night we’re facing…
A lesson in devotion.
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Comments: 53
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Awesome poem, love the rhyme scheme, and I love the duality of this phrase: "Then drowned in your love potion."
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you're very welcome
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Brilliantly written, but I can't help but think it would scan far smoother if you omitted the "and" from the start for the second stanza's final line.
Besides that, concise, and tangibly genuine.
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Hmmm....
"I kissed your lips/ tasted sin..."
is it just the word 'and'? What if I substituted 'I' instead? Or does leaving it off completely work best...
Thank you for the feedback. And the compliment.
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No, the and from the start of the second stanza's last line.
Focused on that wicked grin…
And got rocked in passion’s motion.
That line. It scans far more consistently without the 'and' if you ask me. I just don't like the clashing stressed syllables at the start and end of the line; if feels abrupt, whereas the subject matter of the poem lends itself towards a more fluid, organic approach that's easier to achieve with a regular metre.
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Ahh... Okay, I misunderstood the stanza in question. That one I easily agree could lose the 'and'.
I am off to edit.
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Why, thank you very much.
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Very beaytiful work - It can be seen that you not only have had the inspiration and talent, but also the necessary focus, stamina and will necessary to lift it above the usual Deviations published in this forum. I appreciate people who actually "work" on their works before publishing.
Nice done -
I particularly love the following stanza:
"Filled my hands with satin skin"
it makes me almost feel it while reading.
I also see that you probably have your theorethical background in order - meaning that you are not confusing Jumb with Harré - don´t laugh - most people who belief they are writers have no clue about these basic tools of the trade.
Do you have an ear for music ? It reads as if you do.
Yours
Christof Lehmann
Deviant
Lyrics writer and composer
Childrens books writer
Clinical psychologist.
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I love comments like yours, not just for the niceness of the words, but for the detail of the response. Thank you very much.
I won't laugh, but I will admit that I have no idea the difference of Jumb to Harre. So I'll also say, don't laugh. But I'd like to learn, so what can you tell me?
I love music. I would like to think I have an ear for it, yes. I tend to hear rhythm in strange things, such as the washing machine or the wiper blades. Or I find myself tapping my toes to an inside tune...
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Oh - øh - you are wellcome. 
As to the Jumb, Harré and more, I would suggest you Google - Jumb, Harré and take it from there, read a little, experiment, and read more,- after that we may have some fun with it. ;D
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Will do! Thank you for the info. I love to learn new things.
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Lovely rhyming, and beautiful words drenched with passion and bodies entwined.
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Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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That's a lovely combination, thank you!
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Wonderful 
I guess that I really liked this huh? Great job Mel!
Except, it gave me thoughts that I really don't want to be having right now.
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Wait. No, I'm not sorry. I relish the thought of unwanted thoughts. 
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Yea, yea, keep me thinkin' Mel. Just keep me thinkin'.
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Somehow I just don't think that'll be a problem for you.
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LOL I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing or not, but I'm going with it is.
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A moments kiss,
A breathless sigh.
fIlled with devotion,
and so much emotion.
I'm a poet too.
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Whew!!!! Now I KNOW that ain't my hot flashes!!!
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Wow Mel, That's hot! and very good.
I'm gonna go have a smoke now.
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